Anonymous
02/08/2016 19:43
Subject: Re:SIL was at the center of a major division in our family - keeps speaking poorly of the other side
Feel bad that the SIL married into such a wacko family. I married into a family of alcoholics and no one likes that I don't play along with their toxic ways.
Anonymous
02/08/2016 19:34
Subject: SIL was at the center of a major division in our family - keeps speaking poorly of the other side
Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound exhausting and dramatic. Who gives a fuck what your long lost extended family that you apparently don't see often enough has to say about anything? You are being a shithead to your SIL. Grow up.
+1 Your subsequent post didn't change anything.
Anonymous
02/07/2016 22:36
Subject: SIL was at the center of a major division in our family - keeps speaking poorly of the other side
What happened, exactly?
Anonymous
02/05/2016 13:56
Subject: Re:SIL was at the center of a major division in our family - keeps speaking poorly of the other side
How old is your SIL? I'm thinking fairly young. I'm not excusing her behavior, but with age comes perspective and I suspect she's going to wind up regretting her behavior.
Anonymous
02/05/2016 13:09
Subject: SIL was at the center of a major division in our family - keeps speaking poorly of the other side
OP, you sound exhausting and dramatic. Who gives a fuck what your long lost extended family that you apparently don't see often enough has to say about anything? You are being a shithead to your SIL. Grow up.
Anonymous
02/05/2016 11:57
Subject: SIL was at the center of a major division in our family - keeps speaking poorly of the other side
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry to have posted then checked out. I posted in frustration after yet again having her bring up how awful and crazy my cousin is.
The poster who noted that my annoyance lies in SIL's persistence in complaining about how much the losing side of this fall out sucks - I'm not annoyed with her for calling out my relatives for their bad behavior, but I do think she could have handled it differently. She also wasn't entirely innocent. She took advantage of my relatives' hospitality and was rude to them. Sure, they were a weird bunch, but if she didn't like their dynamic, she should have thanked them for the hospitality and made other arrangements for herself. Instead, she stayed, made a stink about how dysfunctional it was, and expected everyone involved to thank her for her insights. My relatives' reaction was disproportionate. They were right to be put off, but they should have just kindly asked her to leave, rather than start WW3.
So, from my perspective, both parties were wrong. SIL was to some extent the instigator, but more so my brother is at fault for allowing his then girlfriend to walk into this situation, knowing that she wouldn't be able to handle it. But, of all the parties who were wrong - and there were many - my SIL was the lesser offender, plus she's my brother's wife, so she's closer to immediate family, so the rest of us have all defaulted into family celebrations with her, rather than the dysfunctional (but still lovable, IMO) relatives.
My beef with this whole situation is (1) this didn't need to happen (2) when it did happen, it could have been resolved more peacefully - by both sides (3) now that this all happened, not only do we have a fractured family, but we have to keep hearing about what a victim SIL was in all of this. For what it's worth, my relatives' version of the story all includes a strong victim-hood narrative - which I also find annoying, but I don't get to see them often enough to get as ticked off with them for it. I didn't want to take a side in any of this, I'm defaulted into a side, and I could just accept it and move on - but SIL keeps bringing this up, and lacks the insight to take any responsibility for it. So it's annoying - I'd be happier about being defaulted into this side if she had learned anything from it, but it's not clear that she has.
Ugh, SIL sounds like a lot of drama. I'd learn how to disengage from her antics now as this is going to be her M.O. for the foreseeable future if not forever. You're not going to get her to stop so don't feed into it and start distancing yourself. Eventually, she'll start a fight with you or your parents and disown all of you anyways, at which point she and your brother will be out of your lives.
Sorry to be a debbie downer but I've seen this particular telenovela one too many times to expect a different outcome.
Anonymous
02/05/2016 11:49
Subject: SIL was at the center of a major division in our family - keeps speaking poorly of the other side
OP here. Sorry to have posted then checked out. I posted in frustration after yet again having her bring up how awful and crazy my cousin is.
The poster who noted that my annoyance lies in SIL's persistence in complaining about how much the losing side of this fall out sucks - I'm not annoyed with her for calling out my relatives for their bad behavior, but I do think she could have handled it differently. She also wasn't entirely innocent. She took advantage of my relatives' hospitality and was rude to them. Sure, they were a weird bunch, but if she didn't like their dynamic, she should have thanked them for the hospitality and made other arrangements for herself. Instead, she stayed, made a stink about how dysfunctional it was, and expected everyone involved to thank her for her insights. My relatives' reaction was disproportionate. They were right to be put off, but they should have just kindly asked her to leave, rather than start WW3.
So, from my perspective, both parties were wrong. SIL was to some extent the instigator, but more so my brother is at fault for allowing his then girlfriend to walk into this situation, knowing that she wouldn't be able to handle it. But, of all the parties who were wrong - and there were many - my SIL was the lesser offender, plus she's my brother's wife, so she's closer to immediate family, so the rest of us have all defaulted into family celebrations with her, rather than the dysfunctional (but still lovable, IMO) relatives.
My beef with this whole situation is (1) this didn't need to happen (2) when it did happen, it could have been resolved more peacefully - by both sides (3) now that this all happened, not only do we have a fractured family, but we have to keep hearing about what a victim SIL was in all of this. For what it's worth, my relatives' version of the story all includes a strong victim-hood narrative - which I also find annoying, but I don't get to see them often enough to get as ticked off with them for it. I didn't want to take a side in any of this, I'm defaulted into a side, and I could just accept it and move on - but SIL keeps bringing this up, and lacks the insight to take any responsibility for it. So it's annoying - I'd be happier about being defaulted into this side if she had learned anything from it, but it's not clear that she has.
The poster who noted that my annoyance lies in SIL's persistence in complaining about how much the losing side of this fall out sucks - I'm not annoyed with her for calling out my relatives for their bad behavior, but I do think she could have handled it differently. She also wasn't entirely innocent. She took advantage of my relatives' hospitality and was rude to them. Sure, they were a weird bunch, but if she didn't like their dynamic, she should have thanked them for the hospitality and made other arrangements for herself. Instead, she stayed, made a stink about how dysfunctional it was, and expected everyone involved to thank her for her insights. My relatives' reaction was disproportionate. They were right to be put off, but they should have just kindly asked her to leave, rather than start WW3.
So, from my perspective, both parties were wrong. SIL was to some extent the instigator, but more so my brother is at fault for allowing his then girlfriend to walk into this situation, knowing that she wouldn't be able to handle it. But, of all the parties who were wrong - and there were many - my SIL was the lesser offender, plus she's my brother's wife, so she's closer to immediate family, so the rest of us have all defaulted into family celebrations with her, rather than the dysfunctional (but still lovable, IMO) relatives.
My beef with this whole situation is (1) this didn't need to happen (2) when it did happen, it could have been resolved more peacefully - by both sides (3) now that this all happened, not only do we have a fractured family, but we have to keep hearing about what a victim SIL was in all of this. For what it's worth, my relatives' version of the story all includes a strong victim-hood narrative - which I also find annoying, but I don't get to see them often enough to get as ticked off with them for it. I didn't want to take a side in any of this, I'm defaulted into a side, and I could just accept it and move on - but SIL keeps bringing this up, and lacks the insight to take any responsibility for it. So it's annoying - I'd be happier about being defaulted into this side if she had learned anything from it, but it's not clear that she has.