Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know what ambivalent means?

Yes, seems like you need a hug, but not sure I want to be the one to do it.

So what are your strongly conflicting emotions about hugging?

Yes. Now go away.

NP. What kind of answer is this?

The poster isn't interested in an answer related to the actual post. It is a passive-aggressive attempt to "prove" whatever his/her issue is with the use of the word ambivalent.

The issue is - the use of the word is incorrect.

11:59 again. This post might just be the right place for this: I'd like to report a hugging foul.

I hugged a client recently because he just needed a damn hug- had gone though an online catfishing scenario-he's gay, having a hard time finding love, and I could listen and support, but really couldn't take away that sad feeling, so without any prompting from him, I gave him a hug. I am a nurse, and one of the perks/downfalls is that it kind of is your job to give hugs when needed... some people have no social circle or family support... but I rarely do 'professional hugs' and there are reasons for this. It has BITTEN ME IN THE ASS.

Now every time I see him, he ends the session with ..."Whelllllp...." arms extended to give/receive a hug. He's a really nice guy and I enjoy him but it is just way too many hugs for me. ugghhhh how does one pull back from hugging? So now I make it a point to pick up and hold something or walk ahead of him. He faked me out the other day, though... I held a chart in my arms and as he was leaving, he wasn't going for a hug, so I turned away, placing it down and that's when he pivoted and came in for the hug. Eff me.

After telling DH about clients like this, he now does impressions of some of the worst hugs I've ever gotten, including the old man who always says out loud "I am hugging you" in a LOUD Ron Burgundy voice. Every. Time-He hugs one of the staff. Also the wimpy "can I have a hug...?" weasely guy or lady (dont' want to do it/their hugs suck).

Even a Dr with whom I work... I was saying happy new year, and staff were hugging and I went to hug him and he held me in the longest stiffest embrace, taking a 6 count of the longes inhalation and expiration ever... like a relaxation technique... to the point that it seemed dutiful.... like it was bad for him too.... the next week and several times since he has bought me books on hugging. Yes they exist. "He's judging YOUR hugs!" DH told me "you think you are good- maybe he thought YOU sucked!" No, I have since learned that "hugging is undervalued" and he apparently wants us to hug more. It's like working at Walmart for the morning chant/doctrine repetition. Except huggier.

OMG I notice a theme. I either turn people into huggers (against my will) or my hugs unleash their inner hugger.

You can understand my dilemma- maybe I need to find a new job!

Funny topic! I could do without hugging random people but it becomes part of my job (I'm a nurse). I judge shitty huggers. If you give me a limp/dead or energy-sucking needy hug I will never hug you again.

I have people I know where, if I am aware they are coming by I will find a reason to be carrying something or have 'dirty hands/on my way to wash up/whatever' so I don't have to experience their soul-destroying hugs again. or I approach from the side to do a one armed one so their mojo goes past me. I'm short but very busty and it always seems that I end up bust to groin with whoever I'm hugging. Awkward.

I hug my kids and DH. Don't want to hug anyone else. It makes me uncomfortable when the moms of my children's friends want to hug.

I cringe if they want to kiss me on both cheeks!! The foreign parents always want to do this... but they are catching on to my "WASPy American-please don't" vibe! Ha!

Anonymous wrote:What makes for a bad hug? Is one arm bad?

Stiffness, pressing pelvis in, letting a man feel your chest if it is not an intimate hug, direction that you come in for the hug. Depends on the type of hug and the context to be more specific.

There are many types of hugs you know:

Child hug (one you give)
Parent hug (one you get from your own parent)
Female - Female Friend Hug
Female - Male Non Sexual Friend Hug
Male - Male Non Sexual Friend Hug
Group Hug
Coworker Hug
Spouse hug
Funeral hug
Animal Hug

Someome post a hug chart or something.

What makes for a bad hug? Is one arm bad?

Here you go, OP:

http://www.amazon.com/How-Hug-Maryann-MacDonald/dp/1477816143

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a hugger. I hug everyone who seems receptive. My family (not just DH and kids, but also my parents, siblings, SILs, BILs, etc), most of my female friends, and about half of my male friends. I don't hug people who seem uncomfortable with it (or whose wife seems uncomfortable, I don't want to be THAT woman, lol!).

Can you tell someone is uncomfortable with a hug before you go in for it or do you need to hug at least once to pick up on it? Do we give off some vibe or deer in the headlights look? I think we must.

LOL! Not PP but another hugger. Yes. We can absolutely tell. And never judge. Not always deer in the headlights although it happens and I always chuckle to myself when I see it, then maybe reposition myself back with a positive body language and a smile to make the non-hugger more at ease. We huggers mean no harm!

I'm kind of in the middle, but man do I love a great hug. My husband is a great hugger and I hug him every day!

Anonymous wrote:I'm a hugger. I hug everyone who seems receptive. My family (not just DH and kids, but also my parents, siblings, SILs, BILs, etc), most of my female friends, and about half of my male friends. I don't hug people who seem uncomfortable with it (or whose wife seems uncomfortable, I don't want to be THAT woman, lol!).

Can you tell someone is uncomfortable with a hug before you go in for it or do you need to hug at least once to pick up on it? Do we give off some vibe or deer in the headlights look? I think we must.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I hate huggers who inflict their hugging on me. Unless you are my immediate family or you just came back from a war, don't hug me. If I only know you from work, REALLY don't hug me. If you are a friendly acquaintance and I just saw you two weeks ago, please, just give me a friendly wave.

I'm a guy and I feel the same way. Handshakes, please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a hugger.
I recently got so excited at an airport pickup involving 2 cars picking up 5 people that not only did I hug all those people twice, but I hugged the driver of the other car (my friends husband who followed me there to help with pickup) and the guy helping us load our baggage.

I have done this before. Over excitement and it spilling into crossing boundaries by accident! thankfully most people don't get too upset when they sense genuine intent. Most hugging is motivated by happiness and good things. Reminds me of a Vince Vaughn scene!

Pp here. Yes I like to think the baggage guy needed a hug and my friend's husband? Well,
he knows his wife has been my friend for 20 years so although he stiffened up and told her about it ( "your friend went crazy at the airport pickup") I like to think somewhere deep down he enjoyed the scene

Anonymous wrote:I'm a hugger. I hug everyone who seems receptive. My family (not just DH and kids, but also my parents, siblings, SILs, BILs, etc), most of my female friends, and about half of my male friends. I don't hug people who seem uncomfortable with it (or whose wife seems uncomfortable, I don't want to be THAT woman, lol!).

I don't hug people who seem uncomfortable with it either, mainly because the hug is so pitiful. Nobody wants a wet blanket hug.

I'm a hugger. I hug everyone who seems receptive. My family (not just DH and kids, but also my parents, siblings, SILs, BILs, etc), most of my female friends, and about half of my male friends. I don't hug people who seem uncomfortable with it (or whose wife seems uncomfortable, I don't want to be THAT woman, lol!).

I'm a hugger, DH is a hugger and my two boys are huggers.

My 9yr old had a friend over he hasn't seen in awhile on Saturday and I chuckled because when his friend hit the door, my son greeted him with a huge hug and told him that he was so happy to finally see him. His mom later told be that he was nervous on the drive over because he hadn't seen him in awhile and was scared he wouldn't fit in. That big warm hug melted all that anxiety away. I love that my boys are warm touchy people and that a warm embrace is their normal.