I liked my MIL in law quite a bit until I became pregnant. Then I found her intrusive and annoying vs caring.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly my relationship got worse after kids, because before kids I was just like, whatever, and I just sucked it up and dealt with all the things they did that annoyed me or that I didn't agree with. But with kids, your life is already stressful enough... it's not really possible to just suck up and deal with certain things. The good news is that our dislike is mutual and so we just don't see one another that often. My husband takes the kids to visit periodically and I get some alone time. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about this relationship, but OP, it is what it is. There are a lot of people in the world and you aren't going to get along with every single one of them. Sucks when those people are relatives, but it's not your fault.

And I should add... your job is to surround yourself and your children with people who love and appreciate you all. Sometimes these will be relatives, sometimes they wont.

Ours got worse. They weren't involved in our lives before kids and they continued to make no effort once we had kids. When we made the effort they practically ignored the kids, never played or interacted. I got more resentful because they weren't just bad inlaws, now they were horrible Grandparents.

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think it got worse. What used to irritate me before kids now sends me into rage fits.

The way they treat our kids - as decorations that they take one picture with while they visit so they can show off to all their friends and then completely ignore the kids in favor of their iPads is infuriating. It is heartbreaking to see/hear our daughter ask them to read her a book, play a game, build a Lego, go for a walk and for them to say "Not now." "I'm busy." and "No." over and over.

YES THIS! They love to buy them fancy presents and gifts and stuff, always beg us to go on nice vacations with them, but when we do they pretty much just ignore our kids and favor the older grandkids who they see more. No thank you.

Honestly my relationship got worse after kids, because before kids I was just like, whatever, and I just sucked it up and dealt with all the things they did that annoyed me or that I didn't agree with. But with kids, your life is already stressful enough... it's not really possible to just suck up and deal with certain things. The good news is that our dislike is mutual and so we just don't see one another that often. My husband takes the kids to visit periodically and I get some alone time. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about this relationship, but OP, it is what it is. There are a lot of people in the world and you aren't going to get along with every single one of them. Sucks when those people are relatives, but it's not your fault.

My relationship with IL's changed completely. You know how they say saying "no" to someone reveals their true character. After having our first, my husband and I had to say no to ILs for the first time and to set firm boundaries. Only then did I realize that they weren't the people I had imagined them to be.

Easier to move the conversation along to a more pleasant topic once the kids were born.

ILs & I had a postive dynamic before the kids were born, but we just had different notions of what an adult child-parent relationship aught to look like. When I felt they were infantilizing me or their son, I could just tell them the latest adorable story of their grandchild and all parties were pleased. The topic switch wasn't as seemless before the kids.

Anonymous wrote:ours got worse. inlaws were really possessive over our kids (their first grand children).

Ayup. My relationship with MIL improved actually. She was awesone, and really seemed to let go of her...fussiness when ds was born. Unfortunately, she passed away when ds was 18 months. FIL on the other hand went nuts with the possessiveness. Now days (ds just turned 4), FIL will barely speak to us because we have another relative babysit when we go out of town.

It really depends on the type of people you're dealing with. I think a LOT of grandparents actually do get that things are different these days and respect their kid's parenting decisions. My FIL has always been easygoing with us, so I was surprised how possessive he was with ds (not his first grand baby, but the first in 20 years). Your inlaws might surprise you, like my MIL. Good luck.

yes! mine did. But my MIL was always nice. i used to be annoyed with her. But now I am so grateful! I love her.

I was very special when I was carrying their grandchild My husband said it was the first time in his life he wasn't the apple of their eye, and felt ignored (he's an only child)

Anonymous wrote:Expecting my first, and have never clicked with in-laws. I've tried everything under the sun but they don't like me. I've accepted it and try not to let their little jabs bother me. Everyone has told me the relationship with in-laws got so much better after the grandchildren came. Is this true? They have shown no interest so far. But Ive got my fingers crossed!

yes, blood is thicker than that ring their son put on you.

Yep. I tolerate them now.

Actually I think it got worse. What used to irritate me before kids now sends me into rage fits.

The way they treat our kids - as decorations that they take one picture with while they visit so they can show off to all their friends and then completely ignore the kids in favor of their iPads is infuriating. It is heartbreaking to see/hear our daughter ask them to read her a book, play a game, build a Lego, go for a walk and for them to say "Not now." "I'm busy." and "No." over and over.

Yes. It got so much better, and continues to do so. My in laws are just so supportive and positive about my parenting. Plus they adore their grandkids, it's a win-win, I feel accepted and respected and my kids love them.