Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 22:26     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?


Have you apologized to him for what you did?

Yes I have.


Now you have to wait for him to come around. You can't force him to forgive you, you don't get to control other people's reactions to your affair.

But perhaps a change of scenery in California is someone he'd enjoy. Did you ask him about that?


You can't just say sorry and wait, you have to make it up to him.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 22:25     Subject: Re:Son won't talk to me after affair
Are you in individual therapy? Why did you have the affair? Have you come to understand how you acted resentful towards your family during the affair? Do you recognize times you were short tempered with your son because of the double life you were leading? Do you admit to taking time/money/energy away from you son due to the affair?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 22:06     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?


Have you apologized to him for what you did?

Yes I have.


Now you have to wait for him to come around. You can't force him to forgive you, you don't get to control other people's reactions to your affair.

But perhaps a change of scenery in California is someone he'd enjoy. Did you ask him about that?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 22:03     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:For the people who cut their parent off after an affair, I certainly hope there was more to it that than. Christ, my mom cheated on my dad when I was in college. They got divorced and life goes on. Grow the F up people.


Yes, life goes on. And that life is better off lived without an immoral cheating rat in it.

I despised my father for cheating even more after I had kids than I did before.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 22:01     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?


Have you apologized to him for what you did?

Yes I have.


Say it like you mean it? I love the choice of words that the affair was "exposed" - you got caught but had it not been exposed you'd still be carrying on. you're probably waiting for the dust to settle to get back out there. I can sense your arrogance.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 22:00     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
OP, are you the same poster whose RN wife wanted to move to California, who still works with his AP and does not see a problem with that?

Guess your plan of sacrificing your wife's emotional health in order to preserve your 16-year-old's student government career is going well, then.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:56     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:whom was the affair with?

A woman I work with.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:54     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?


Have you apologized to him for what you did?

Yes I have.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:53     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You betrayed your whole family so he has every right to be mad. Give it time. You will regain a relationship but it will never be the one it was. Hopefully the new one will work out but he will never trust you entirely again. Believe me, I lived it.


Very powerful words -- well said.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:52     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You betrayed your whole family so he has every right to be mad. Give it time. You will regain a relationship but it will never be the one it was. Hopefully the new one will work out but he will never trust you entirely again. Believe me, I lived it.


+1



Agreed.



PP again. I agree. It takes time, but it's not something easily gotten over. My dad and I are in a better place, but I still don't completely trust him and it's been years.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:51     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
whom was the affair with?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:47     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?


Have you apologized to him for what you did?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:46     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You betrayed your whole family so he has every right to be mad. Give it time. You will regain a relationship but it will never be the one it was. Hopefully the new one will work out but he will never trust you entirely again. Believe me, I lived it.


+1



Agreed.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:34     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
I had a similar reaction about my father's affair at 14.

No I wasn't mad at him on my mother's behalf.

I was mad at him.

Mad at him for the liar that he was, that he had the audacity to act as Mr. Moral and do what he did.

It also messed with my image of what marriage is and it took time and counseling to get over it.
It's not just your wife you hurt here.

What did not work was what he did the " no big deal approach"

Give him space.



Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:27     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who did you have an affair with? Was it a WOHM?

Is your wife a SAHM?



OP had an affair with a coworker, and his works as well.



OP, what did you think would happen when a teen son finds that the father has been cheating on his mother? When you cheat on your spouse, you are disrespecting them. When you have kids, you are disrespecting their very existence by cheating. They will be hurt for their mom, for the loss of their family, and they will feel intense shame and humiliation for being your children.

Please get therapy as a family and also individually. This is a hurt that he will never ever get over.