Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think special needs kids have more tantrums? My SN kid has never had one. Ever. Two normal kids -- lots of tantrums.

Because we have a nephew that is autistic and he has many meltdowns that I think are a part of his being on the spectrum. He can't regulate his emotionals as well. Of course not every kid with special needs would be similar. Didn't mean to offend.

Some SN kids have more tantrums, it is definitely true - mine does. He has behavioral issues. Along with other delays there are often lags in learning how to behave, to the extent it is a learned thing.

Anonymous wrote:OP- I think some kids do and some don't-- my DS has ADHD and we've lived through some awful meltdowns both in public and at home.

I don't think you sound obnoxious-- I have a few friends whose children never threw those fits. They had a lot more fun parenting in those early years.

My DS is now nine and still capable of the rare fit-- the difference is that he's able to reflect on "why" and imagine what he could have done instead. Those struggles for emotional self control have helped DS become self aware.

I don't really buy that parenting has little role in tantrums or good behavior. We're coming from the other side where parenting played a huge part in heading off or contributing to (before we knew what we were doing) some major meltdowns.

While parenting doesn't change a child's core personality and challenges-- good parenting can promote self awareness and coping skills to deal with struggles.

Right there with you, and completely agree. I have one child that has ADD and one NT. The NT one, no tantrums albeit one or two about her clothes, quickly over. My so has had melt downs since 2, and as he approaches 4.5, they are starting to subside. We are working on strategies and it is getting better.

Older DS never threw a tantrum.
Younger DD is very, shall we say, *dramatic*???

I have two. First was pretty even-keeled, never really threw a tantrum except for occasional meltdowns (i.e. crying hard for a minor issue, but nothing more). My second, totally different. Colic, demanding baby even as he grew up, basically he's been tantruming from birth. At about 13 months, he did his first full out lying-down kicking & screaming fit and I was like, whoa kid, this is going to be a long toddlerhood. (He is also more social and affectionate than my first - just *more* everything.) Given my experience I don't think parenting has any bearing on the *tendency* to tantrum, but may help in terms of handling them/ teaching your child self-regulation, etc.

I have two DSs - never throw tantrums, not even as toddlers. DH and I worry about the teenage years!

OP- I think some kids do and some don't-- my DS has ADHD and we've lived through some awful meltdowns both in public and at home.

I don't think you sound obnoxious-- I have a few friends whose children never threw those fits. They had a lot more fun parenting in those early years.

My DS is now nine and still capable of the rare fit-- the difference is that he's able to reflect on "why" and imagine what he could have done instead. Those struggles for emotional self control have helped DS become self aware.

I don't really buy that parenting has little role in tantrums or good behavior. We're coming from the other side where parenting played a huge part in heading off or contributing to (before we knew what we were doing) some major meltdowns.

While parenting doesn't change a child's core personality and challenges-- good parenting can promote self awareness and coping skills to deal with struggles.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a lucky one - a few at-home meltdowns but never a public tantrum (or even misbehaving...it's like she saves it for home). I know it has nothing to do with me or my parenting style but I will take it and appreciate the sh*t out of it as long as it lasts!!!

My kids are like this (age 5, 3). Tend to be really, really well-behaved in public/school, or even when company is around. But if we're alone, then its a different story altogether. We deal with a lot of whining. Not as many tantrums, but there are some here and there.

FWIW, my older daughter is a big crier, but she never has hit/kicked/screamed. She'll just cry, loudly, and generally a big hug (and maybe a pick-up) has always calmed her down, even as a young toddler. We were shocked when the little one turned 3 and actually tried to hit us while she was tantrum-ing. I think there's a big personality difference there though. The first one was an early talker and we were always clear on what she was trying to communicate. The second (while not delayed) doesn't talk as much, and isn't always as successful in getting us to understand what she wants, and that creates big-time frustration. Once we figure out what's actually wrong, the tantrum goes away.

Have my kids pouted, sulked and cried? Sure.

Did they ever behave like the "bad mommy"'s kid? No. Because my parenting style is to nip in the bud firmly, without yelling or hitting.

DD is 3.5 and we've had a few meltdowns but no tantrums. DD is well aware if she does anything "crazy" while we're out we will immediately leave (normally not what she wants). DD is also very articulate and has no issue telling us how she's feeling and why....

My MIL claims her kids were perfect angels and never once had a tantrum or even screamed. I distinctly recall my own awful tantrums up to the age of 4. Guess who DS takes after. He is 2 and has been having tantrums since he was about 13 months. He was a very late talker and the tantrums have improved as his talking has gotten better, but there are definitely times where he hurls himself on the floor and screams and flails. The good thing is it rarely lasts more than a minute or two. We have learned to stand back and watch/ignore, so long as he doesn't hurt himself. He has always been a very intense kid (as was I) and the tantrums seem to be an extension of that. There are no in-betweens with him. Most of the time he is intensely happy, exuberant even, but when he's mad, watch out!

I think a lot is personality. My nephew's "tantrums" are basically some quiet tears. He is just a really chill kid. So was his mother, my sister. It surprised no one that of the two of us, I would have the intense rambunctious one and she would have the kid who would stay where you put him. Now if and when we have additional kids, we'll see if that pattern repeats.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a lucky one - a few at-home meltdowns but never a public tantrum (or even misbehaving...it's like she saves it for home). I know it has nothing to do with me or my parenting style but I will take it and appreciate the sh*t out of it as long as it lasts!!!

OP here. I knew I couldn't be the only lucky one! This is just not the sort of thing you can ask people IRL. Not without sounding really obnoxious!

Are you also OP of parenting credit thread? You have same smug tone. Obnoxious is right.

OP here. No, I am not the OP of that other thread. Sorry I come off as obnoxious. I should have known better than to ask a question like this here.

I dont think you sound obnoxious at all. It's a fair question and like you said, where else can you ask?

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think special needs kids have more tantrums? My SN kid has never had one. Ever. Two normal kids -- lots of tantrums.

If I saw a child hitting, kicking and screaming at their parent I would assume it was special needs related.

PP again - I agree with 08:06's general assessment. In the long-term, the kids who can make themselves "obnoxious" may be shaped to become assertive leaders (or stay obnoxious). My kids... not so much, probably!

My kids (5 and 10) have never had full-blown tantrums. DH and I are patient and calm, and we are all to some degree introverted. My father has never raised his voice, as far as I can remember! So there's a bit of Nature, a bit of nurture.

I have 2 that threw tantrums and 1 that did not and I think it is totally genetic/personality trait.

My best friend had 1 that threw tantrums and 2 that did not.

Fast forward many years .. the kids that threw tantrums are very assertive, stand up for themselves and are a bit fearless. (all of them have stood up to bullies multiple times at school)
The ones that did not have tantrums are passive, sometimes bullied in school and are afraid to talk to teachers/coaches when they have an issue.

I think all the kids are going to be successful, but I have spend most my time smoothing out the edges of my tantrum kids, teaching them to be assertive not aggressive. But the passive kid, it's really hard to get a passive kid to be assertive. He will be fine thought, he is very likable and has a lot of charisma, he had to talk himself out of fights.