Anonymous wrote:This is the most stunningly selfish thread I've read for a long time.

You offered to help your friend. But you actually created more work for her, and now you're resenting her because she won't go out of her way and inconvenience herself during a really stressful time in order to accept your "help".

That was NOT helpful. I understand that it was a lot of work for you, but it was not helpful. Do not resent your friend for being annoyed that you have created more work for her.

Agree. OP must be one of those people who do things to make themselves look better vs actually helping someone. Pathetic

This is the most stunningly selfish thread I've read for a long time.

You offered to help your friend. But you actually created more work for her, and now you're resenting her because she won't go out of her way and inconvenience herself during a really stressful time in order to accept your "help".

That was NOT helpful. I understand that it was a lot of work for you, but it was not helpful. Do not resent your friend for being annoyed that you have created more work for her.

OP, your heart was in the right place but horrible execution. And you being annoyed at your friend? Makes you sound like a shitty person

Anonymous wrote:I see a neighbor get food delivered on a regular basis, including weekends. I hope they are getting him multiple meals sent tomorrow to him.

Its probably meals on wheels. If there is a storm you may want to offer shoveling and food help.

I lost my mom last week after a long illness. Do you know how busy family is when someone is seriously ill?
I spent her last days communicating with family members, driving from my house to the hospital 3-4 times per day, entertaining guests at the hospital all while trying to raise my children and keep my home running.
That you don't want to help your friend because she couldn't find time to drive to your father-in-law's house to pick up a meal is ridiculous. You are being incredibly selfish and UNHELPFUL. Don't offer to do anything else for her again.

Op - I would just leave it alone. Pick up some garlic bread, a salad and a nice bottle of wine and you and your family can go over and spend some time with FIL and enjoy that delicious eggplant parmesan together. He will love that!

Maybe call a restaurant that offers catering and see if the restaurant can deliver a nice eggplant parmesan to your friend's family.

You sound like a sweetheart btw.

Anonymous wrote:I see a neighbor get food delivered on a regular basis, including weekends. I hope they are getting him multiple meals sent tomorrow to him.

I meant to add, he is elderly, can't walk well at all without the assistance of a cart.

I see a neighbor get food delivered on a regular basis, including weekends. I hope they are getting him multiple meals sent tomorrow to him.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the days of delivering casseroles to people are long over.[b] I know you were trying to help but it's good enough to say that her family is in your prayers (or thoughts). If she needs someone to look after her place while she is visiting her parents, that is the kind of help you can offer

NO they're not. But you actually have to deliver them to be useful. Agree on a time that works for both parties. Show up on time with the full meal, instructions for prep (ideally, prep is minimal, as in, "bake for an hour") and then hug and kiss and leave. Don't freeze and send with a FIL and then dicker around telling your person when they need to go pick it up and where. OP meant well but that is not helpful. And it's a shame people think delivering food to people who need some help is "over"!

She probably doesn't have time to pick it up. You should deliver it.

I have a very sick family member.

One of the most difficult things is getting in my car and leaving my house, even for 10 minutes. It's impossible. I CAN'T LEAVE MY HOUSE. Even to run errands. It would mean bundling up the sick person, getting the sick person's equipment in our specially equipped car, and then unbundling, unloading. That person can't be left in the car.

The idea that I could just run over and pick up a special dish, no matter how special -- would add mind boggling logistics to a day packed with doctor's appointments, therapies, visits, etc.

I have to say OP, from the perspective of a person who is tending an ill family member, your request that food be picked up is mighty inconsiderate. The family can order food whenever they want. It's getting food that's the problem. It's leaving the house that's difficult.

Yes, you were nice to make the dish. But you could have bought the dish and brought it over.

Anonymous wrote:
Giving her another chore is not a gift, OP.
You most certainly meant well. But, please don't inconvenience your friend (or FIL) any further. She is quite understandably pretty overwhelmed at present.

Honestly, it would be incredibly self-absorbed of you to get upset about this. Unfair to make this about you. She's dealing with her mom (and mom's cancer treatment). She so totally gets a pass on this. She did nothing wrong.

So much this for the bolded. When doing someone a favor make sure you are doing it for them and not to them.

Anonymous wrote:
Giving her another chore is not a gift, OP.

You most certainly meant well. But, please don't inconvenience your friend (or FIL) any further. She is quite understandably pretty overwhelmed at present.

Honestly, it would be incredibly self-absorbed of you to get upset about this. Unfair to make this about you. She's dealing with her mom (and mom's cancer treatment). She so totally gets a pass on this. She did nothing wrong.

+1000

When I have been in crisis-mode a few times in my lifetime there were periods that, despite people's good intentions, I could not absorb one more to-do. Not during a crisis.

I agree that the days of delivering casseroles to people are long over. I know you were trying to help but it's good enough to say that her family is in your prayers (or thoughts). If she needs someone to look after her place while she is visiting her parents, that is the kind of help you can offer

There is no way you should have asked your friend to pick it up. That is not helping.

Can you get it and take it to her?