Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP about causation. All four stay at home mothers in my friend group did so because there was no way to handle two or three kids when their spouses were traveling and working crazy hours at very high-paying jobs. One is in and out of the work force when she can find interesting part-time contracting gigs.

One is planning to go back to work as soon as kids are more independent (late middle school) and two others have been talking to me about how down they have been feeling lately, with late ES/ MS kids and their careers in the rear view. They're getting annoyed when their kids ask them what they do all day.

I think when you hear from women with small kids you'll get a different take on all of this than parents of older kids. The down side of staying at home is more apparent when you're in your 40s, would like to be using your degree and interacting with adults, and the work force has left you behind.

FWIW Nobody I know from my law school class (HLS 1998) is staying at home. Most of my friends work at something we really love. When I win power ball this week I'm still going to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed with the above. Look for someone who having a family is a priority. As you are getting serious, you can have the conversation about staying at home/vs working. I was a daycare kid from 3 months on and my MIL stayed at home. I l love and respect my mother- she is my best friend- but there were so many times in my life that I wish she was home with us.

My kids are 6 and 9 and I'm now thinking about going back to work for a few years before high school sets in. I don't want to go back into my former high powered career so I'm thinking of something like working at a doggie daycare. I figure I'll just throw the money in a pot and we can take a fabulous vacation once a year.

This post is ridiculous on a number of levels I'm sure the poster doesn't even recognize.

It might be ridiculous to you but it resonates with me.

My Mom also worked and I was in aftercare and summer day care almost my whole childhood. I was a latchkey kid too early, in retrospect, and the trouble that I got into both big and small wouldn't have happened if I had a parent at home (or parents who weren't compelled to save a a buck and ditch the aftercare too early). My MIL was around after school, and I think the situation was a better one for many reasons. I plan to emulate it and should be able to because I work part time for myself.

I also see the wisdom in going back before high school, because it's not just a trite saying that they really need you in the high school years. I want to be around at that time. I'd argue that many kids really need an adult presence at that time -- to drive them to activities so they can do more activities, to keep them out of trouble, just to have someone there.

If PP wants to and can financially swing a "little" job like working at a dog day care (and let's presume she brings this up because she likes dogs and would enjoy that) I think that's wonderful. She could make $10-$20K for that year and it would allow for a good vacation if they otherwise don't need to put it to bills. And OP can socialize and get out and do something different a few hours a week.

It might not work with your life, but why is that ridiculous?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a young guy, and I want to date( and eventually marry) a girl who would be willing to be a homemaker. Where can I find girls like this? Are there any dating sites for this kind of thing?

Most universities. A lot of women go to get an MRS degree.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP about causation. All four stay at home mothers in my friend group did so because there was no way to handle two or three kids when their spouses were traveling and working crazy hours at very high-paying jobs. One is in and out of the work force when she can find interesting part-time contracting gigs.

One is planning to go back to work as soon as kids are more independent (late middle school) and two others have been talking to me about how down they have been feeling lately, with late ES/ MS kids and their careers in the rear view. They're getting annoyed when their kids ask them what they do all day.

I think when you hear from women with small kids you'll get a different take on all of this than parents of older kids. The down side of staying at home is more apparent when you're in your 40s, would like to be using your degree and interacting with adults, and the work force has left you behind.

FWIW Nobody I know from my law school class (HLS 1998) is staying at home. Most of my friends work at something we really love. When I win power ball this week I'm still going to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed with the above. Look for someone who having a family is a priority. As you are getting serious, you can have the conversation about staying at home/vs working. I was a daycare kid from 3 months on and my MIL stayed at home. I l love and respect my mother- she is my best friend- but there were so many times in my life that I wish she was home with us.

My kids are 6 and 9 and I'm now thinking about going back to work for a few years before high school sets in. I don't want to go back into my former high powered career so I'm thinking of something like working at a doggie daycare. I figure I'll just throw the money in a pot and we can take a fabulous vacation once a year.

This post is ridiculous on a number of levels I'm sure the poster doesn't even recognize.

Anonymous wrote:Agreed with the above. Look for someone who having a family is a priority. As you are getting serious, you can have the conversation about staying at home/vs working. I was a daycare kid from 3 months on and my MIL stayed at home. I l love and respect my mother- she is my best friend- but there were so many times in my life that I wish she was home with us.

My kids are 6 and 9 and I'm now thinking about going back to work for a few years before high school sets in. I don't want to go back into my former high powered career so I'm thinking of something like working at a doggie daycare. I figure I'll just throw the money in a pot and we can take a fabulous vacation once a year.

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP about causation. All four stay at home mothers in my friend group did so because there was no way to handle two or three kids when their spouses were traveling and working crazy hours at very high-paying jobs. One is in and out of the work force when she can find interesting part-time contracting gigs.

One is planning to go back to work as soon as kids are more independent (late middle school) and two others have been talking to me about how down they have been feeling lately, with late ES/ MS kids and their careers in the rear view. They're getting annoyed when their kids ask them what they do all day.

I think when you hear from women with small kids you'll get a different take on all of this than parents of older kids. The down side of staying at home is more apparent when you're in your 40s, would like to be using your degree and interacting with adults, and the work force has left you behind.

FWIW Nobody I know from my law school class (HLS 1998) is staying at home. Most of my friends work at something we really love. When I win power ball this week I'm still going to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.

I am a BigLaw partner, my DW stays home, and I totally agree, she makes it possible for me to do what I do for the family

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Umm no. Many women are highly educated and find work to be fulfilling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.