Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. It is inappropriate for a near-stranger to shower that much attention/affection on a child. Discuss with your ex that you do not want her alone with this man. Done.

In what way will it be done?

All this will do is create drama, anger, and hysteria during the lead up to the ex's wedding and serve as a sideshow detracting from the couple. But that's what OP wants.

Anonymous wrote:
I call my DD "baby girl." Now that I think about it, when I drop her off at school, I say, "hey, baby girl" to whatever little girl I run into. I can't remember all of their names. For me, I could say it's cultural, maybe. I don't know. It doesn't ring poorly to me.

With all of the hardship so many "step" kids have in blended families, I see this as the grandparents (likely only because of the competitiveness they feel with one another, sadly) embrace their new role. She's their first grandchild, right?

You don't say anything about your feelings toward your ex-DH's new wife or their situation, but I would encourage you to unpack you feelings about DD having new, extended family. Are you zeroing in on this and choosing to frame it as "creepy" behavior because of other feelings you may have---of loss, or anything else?

Anger is my most comfortable emotion. It's harder to have feelings of vulnerability. I know I'm not alone in this. Because it's something I've worked on considerably throughout my life, I'm on the watch for it. Obviously, you should teach your child about stranger danger and inappropriate touching and ALL of that. But, what is going on here? You describe the jockeying between grandparents. You note the absence of another child, passed and likely for the future. An endearment didn't make me think "red flag!"

I hope this doesn't come off as harsh because I really am asking the question: Could there be some denial at work here? Are you comfortable with DD's growing family? I would be careful about pathologizing or criminalizing behavior before taking a look at my own feelings about the bigger picture.

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. It is inappropriate for a near-stranger to shower that much attention/affection on a child. Discuss with your ex that you do not want her alone with this man. Done.

Anonymous wrote:Good advice here. I would also assume that he's molested his own daughter. I deal with a lot of child molesters, unfortunately. It's amazing to me that all the adults around know or should no about the abuse but deny or ignore it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is there a chance that the soon-to-be stepmother told her parents what to buy your daughter?

Also, do the step grandparents have any other grandchildren?

No other grandkids. I think this is a sore point for them. I think they expected to have a lot of grandchildren to spoil. A son died youngish and he didn't have kids. Their daughter and my ex-husband have been trying unsuccessfully for a baby for a while now. So maybe they are pouring all of that love into one little girl. I just need "Pap" to do it in a less creepy way.

Soon-to-be-step mom has had some inappropriate ideas about gifts, but they were less lavish so much as just well...inappropriate. Her best friend gave a number of clothing items that I think were culturally appropriate for their ethnic group in their home state: baby doll cut tees or tiny tops with double spaghetti straps and jogging bottoms with words on the butt. DD felt really uncomfortable about the clothing. We donated them.

More red flags with those clothes. Omg.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is there a chance that the soon-to-be stepmother told her parents what to buy your daughter?

Also, do the step grandparents have any other grandchildren?

No other grandkids. I think this is a sore point for them. I think they expected to have a lot of grandchildren to spoil. A son died youngish and he didn't have kids. Their daughter and my ex-husband have been trying unsuccessfully for a baby for a while now. So maybe they are pouring all of that love into one little girl. I just need "Pap" to do it in a less creepy way.

Soon-to-be-step mom has had some inappropriate ideas about gifts, but they were less lavish so much as just well...inappropriate. Her best friend gave a number of clothing items that I think were culturally appropriate for their ethnic group in their home state: baby doll cut tees or tiny tops with double spaghetti straps and jogging bottoms with words on the butt. DD felt really uncomfortable about the clothing. We donated them.

Anonymous wrote:OP, is there a chance that the soon-to-be stepmother told her parents what to buy your daughter?

Also, do the step grandparents have any other grandchildren?

Anonymous wrote:I would give back the phone. I really think that you should have set a boundary there.

Not only was it too expensive but it was inappropriate to take that decision out of your hands.

By being a marshmallow about that, it sends the wrong message to "pap" and to your daughter, IMO. You don't have to scream and yell. But give it right back.