Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 15:33     Subject: Re:Moms who work long hours
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a parent with older kids, one hundred percent disagree that they need you more when they are older. The only people who say this are those justifying not being around much in the early years or those justifying remaining at home.

Op try to find a way to get more kid time once your contact is complete. You can't turn back time and the preschhol years are when you are the center of their universe.


This. Those really early years are foundational in so many ways.


+2


This is what I don't think these "early years are foundational" posters understand: Yes, young children need high-quality care, but there is no research out there that says that that high-quality care has to come from the mother alone. Please, if you think I'm wrong, link to something that supports your opinion. OP has a husband and a nanny she trusts -- her daughter will be fine. As others have said, this is really about managing her own feelings. Especially because the OP's long hours have a set end date, and her daughter won't even remember this time.

Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 15:06     Subject: Re:Moms who work long hours
One suggestion I haven't seen yet: maybe have your nanny and/or DH send you pics or videos of your child every so often during the day. Not as a substitute for actually seeing your child but maybe to make you feel a bit better when you can't be there - unless seeing pics would make you feel worse. As PPs have said, your child won't remember how long you were/weren't around so right now it's about managing your own feelings. You are deep in the trenches now but try to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. Can you get home for dinner or bedtime a couple of nights per week and continue working from home after your child falls asleep? Also, focus on making the 1 weekend day you have with your DC really count. Maybe the two of you can do something special on those days (a trip to the park, a special coloring book or other toy that you play with only on those days). Something that only the two of you share to help you feel close.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 14:44     Subject: Moms who work long hours
Anonymous wrote:Hire out everything that you can

Family breakfasts a few times a week (before the day gets crazy and you get stuck at work)

Re-evaluate every 3-6 months if this is still the best plan for your family. In between doing this, let yourself off the hook on guilt. Just do what you have to do


This, plus I have a very supportive spouse. The great thing is that you have an end date and what you are doing is going to significantly help your family.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 14:32     Subject: Re:Moms who work long hours
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a parent with older kids, one hundred percent disagree that they need you more when they are older. The only people who say this are those justifying not being around much in the early years or those justifying remaining at home.

Op try to find a way to get more kid time once your contact is complete. You can't turn back time and the preschhol years are when you are the center of their universe.


This. Those really early years are foundational in so many ways.


+2
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 13:46     Subject: Re:Moms who work long hours
Anonymous wrote:As a parent with older kids, one hundred percent disagree that they need you more when they are older. The only people who say this are those justifying not being around much in the early years or those justifying remaining at home.

Op try to find a way to get more kid time once your contact is complete. You can't turn back time and the preschhol years are when you are the center of their universe.


This. Those really early years are foundational in so many ways.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 13:27     Subject: Re:Moms who work long hours
As a parent with older kids, one hundred percent disagree that they need you more when they are older. The only people who say this are those justifying not being around much in the early years or those justifying remaining at home.

Op try to find a way to get more kid time once your contact is complete. You can't turn back time and the preschhol years are when you are the center of their universe.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2016 21:42     Subject: Re:Moms who work long hours
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First, don't beat yourself up. Don't feel guilty. Make the most of the time that you do spend time with your daughter. If possible, make the time quality time where you play with her or read to her or otherwise focus on her. Don't try to clean or multi-task if you are seeing her for just those few hours a week.

Is there any time for you to re-arrange your schedule so that you can add time in to spend with your child? I know you said that you just started but is your employer willing to allow you to come in later and work later or come in earlier and leave earlier? Is there any possibility of working from home so that your commute doesn't eat into the time you spend at home? Can you facetime or skype with her each night before she goes to bed, even if your still at work? (I realize this may not work if you child will miss you more but for some kids it might be a nice way to connect even if only for a few minutes)

I think the way most moms who are successful do it is by being creative.

Also, while you are doing this work, realize its not forever and that it is pushing you closer to a goal. Be sure to take care of yourself and take time for yourself when you can. Burning yourself out by spending your time exclusively between your job and child isn't any good for anyone.

Good Luck and Hang in there! I know it's hard.


Great advice. I will add that you should keep in mind they only need you more as they get older. I have a four year old and can already see it. If this is the choice to set your family up for less long hrs in the future, the trade off seems to me unquestionably worth it.


+100

I travel for work sometimes and had a rough time when my daughter was about 2 because she would be so sad. She's now 4 and it's so much worse. I was gone for 2-3 days every week for four straight weeks in December and it was a nightmare. Not only was she sad but her behavior was hell - it was so easy to see she was acting out because my absence threw her off so much. I think constantly about what I'm going to do when she's middle school age and older.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2016 23:43     Subject: Moms who work long hours
Can you take a few minutes to FaceTime with them in the evening?
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2016 23:10     Subject: Moms who work long hours
Op, what is the interest rate on your school loans? Just trying to see if you can do this workload shorter. If you have low interest rates it doesn't necessarily make sense to pay those off. Down payment for a house is a different story.

Good luck, op.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2016 23:03     Subject: Moms who work long hours
Toddlers remember nothing, OP.

Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 15:58     Subject: Re:Moms who work long hours
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you're doing the right thing. I worked 20 hours a week until my youngest was 6. Now, I'm working long hours and am way behind in my career, struggling to catch up as much as I can. I really think it would have been better if I had worked these kind of hours when the kids were little and the nanny could handle everything. Now that they're older, they have homework, sports and school events and they notice if I'm not able to make it.

Your hard work now will pay off.


THIS. Focus and work hard now. Play later, when your DD is older and needs you more. I was a SAHM while my son was a baby and he doesnt remember anything from that time. I, on the other hand, fell behind at work and now am working hard to catch up and it has been a beast to get back up to speed.


Another +1. I worked in a job with long hours when my kids were young. It was rough but now I am in a comfy job working 40 hours a week, have earned tremendous flexibility and time off, little stress and a decent salary. I could not have gotten to this place in my line of work without working the long hours years ago. And my kids truly do need me more now then when they were young - it isn't something you fully grasp till your kids are older. Little kids seem so vulnerable and needy - but older kids are often more desperate in their need for their parents time, advice and support. As far as my kids are concerned, I have always had this level of flexibilty.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 12:32     Subject: Re:Moms who work long hours
Anonymous wrote:OP, you're doing the right thing. I worked 20 hours a week until my youngest was 6. Now, I'm working long hours and am way behind in my career, struggling to catch up as much as I can. I really think it would have been better if I had worked these kind of hours when the kids were little and the nanny could handle everything. Now that they're older, they have homework, sports and school events and they notice if I'm not able to make it.

Your hard work now will pay off.


THIS. Focus and work hard now. Play later, when your DD is older and needs you more. I was a SAHM while my son was a baby and he doesnt remember anything from that time. I, on the other hand, fell behind at work and now am working hard to catch up and it has been a beast to get back up to speed.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 07:56     Subject: Re:Moms who work long hours
OP, you're doing the right thing. I worked 20 hours a week until my youngest was 6. Now, I'm working long hours and am way behind in my career, struggling to catch up as much as I can. I really think it would have been better if I had worked these kind of hours when the kids were little and the nanny could handle everything. Now that they're older, they have homework, sports and school events and they notice if I'm not able to make it.

Your hard work now will pay off.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 01:09     Subject: Moms who work long hours
Maybe your child's nanny can bring your daughter to meet you for lunch once a week. DH can skype you before bed, you could read a book or sing her a song. You are doing the right thing for your family.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 00:38     Subject: Moms who work long hours
Stupid. You will wake up and kids are gone