Anonymous wrote:If one son was supporting me then I would prefer his kids more than the other son's. You sound like you want all the benefits of a grandmother, but you can't be bothered to reciprocate support; emotionally or financially.

What? You'd be mean to your grandkids if their parents didn't give you money?

If one son was supporting me then I would prefer his kids more than the other son's. You sound like you want all the benefits of a grandmother, but you can't be bothered to reciprocate support; emotionally or financially.

Just be straightforward: "BIL, I don't like the way you talk to me or my kids. Stop it now."

Better yet, have DH do it himself; if DH can't or won't do it after talking directly to DH, clarify to DH that you can and will do it.

NEVER EVER let anyone -- IL or not -- undermine your parenting; it confuses the kids and is unfair to them. They need a clear direction of authority from their parents. ILs are merely guests in your home and your lives.

Signed,

DW for 20 years who knows how to stay happily married!

Anonymous wrote:It's YOUR job to protect the children from mean relatives.
Like I told DH, if you can't handle your relatives, I will.

Me, too! My husband would much rather deal with his relatives than have me do it, because I give zero f****.

Op, you can't control their behavior, you can only control when you see them and for how long.