Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell brother and ex-SIL to stop having all these out-of-wedlock babies. Trash.

This. And your poor niece is paying the price for it. These self-absorbed adults just flit from one relationship to the next, having babies along the way, and discarding the kids' feelings completely. Of course your niece feels left out. She's 12 -- a VERY HARD age and an age that she needs her parents involved in her life. Sounds like they are too busy pursuing their own happiness.

She's lucky to have you OP. Please don't abandon her too. If she's spending the night at your house, that's a good sign. I would invest myself as much as possible in this child, from now on. She's going to need it.

There is absolutely no evidence that this is happening to OP's niece. In the 7 years since her parents divorced, she has acquired two half siblings. My cousin remarried when her son was 12 and had a baby every year/18 mos until he graduated from college. That was a lot more disruptive for her son in terms of parental time, energy, and monetary resources. But she had that all important piece of paper so I guess that's all that matters. "Illegitimate" half siblings are harmful no matter how few. Half-siblings born in wedlock have no impact, no matter how many.

I missed the medical literature that out of wedlock babies are physically different than those born to married parents. How silly of me to assume a one month old born to unmarried parents would be no more demanding than one whose parents hit a Vegas chapel before the delivery room.

Just admit that you have a moral issue that has nothing to do with how the girl is actually affected by her half-siblings. OP hasn't described any flitting from relationship to relationship. OP mentioned that Dad had two relationships in 7 years. One is a new marriage. OP mentioned Mom had one relationship in 7 years. This is probably well below the average for most divorced adults.

I don't think PP was saying that marriage is the thing that makes the difference. I think the spirit of what you each believe/mean about this situation is roughly the same.

Bottom line: It's less than ideal and sometimes out right shitty when a kid doesn't get the benefit of living with 2 biological parents who are both largely centered around him/her. Life's messy sometimes. But people should do the best they can to minimize partner hopping and having kids with different people, married or not, it because it hurts kids and causes GENERATIONS of dysfunction.

The PP here: Actually I do think that marriage makes a big difference, if for no other reason that it solidifies and legalizes the commitment and makes it less likely that it will fall apart on a whim -- as is shown, apparently repeatedly, in OP's family. But I do agree with the rest of your statement.