Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 16:19     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My in laws also want to spend every second with us. If you get up to use the bathroom they might comment that you just went two hours ago. MIL is a huge control freak. She tries to pick where everyone sits (and my seat in the living area doesn't face the tv so I can't even zone out on that unless I get up and argue that I'm going to sit on the floor). We aren't allowed to even grab a glass of water without asking permission, and she often says no. There's no guest bedroom (we sleep in the living room on a pull out couch) so thus no escape. When we tried to stay in a hotel she absolutely LOST it. Holidays are the worst. On the bright side, my kids don't seem to notice her quirks and absolutely love MIL.


I would never let someone deny me water. Bring your own. Or better yet, just go get yourself a glass, and say, "Mary, my throat is dry. I'm sure you don't want me to be uncomfortable in your home."


This, and I'd also sit where I want. If she told me to move, I'd say, "MIL, I'm comfortable here. Is there some reason you want me to move?"

Calling people out on their BS usually shuts it down.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 16:12     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:I liked my ILs a lot more when we were local and could just spend a couple hours with them.

Now they come visit (thankfully we aren't too far and it's usually an overnight) and I can't stand it. MIL asks a thousand questions - DH tunes her out and ignores it, which is rude, but she'll remember the most minute detail and ask about it over and over and over and over and ughhhhh.

Since we had our daughter, they've been visiting much more frequently. We both work FT, I can't just spend the weekend sitting on the couch listening to them drone on and on anymore. The last time they were here, they watched me fold a giant pile of baby clothes. Not that I would have accepted help, but they just watched and didn't offer.


I posted earlier about my MIL. She is also local. I got a lot of mileage by inviting her over and then leaving. She came over and played with kids and I left to go do errands. I got household errands done easily and always threw in a manicure or a coffee date with a friend. I always had an escape as well. We always had somewhere to be 30 minutes after I got home so there was no, "I'll stay for lunch...and the rest of the day." It worked well for a long time.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 16:11     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My in laws also want to spend every second with us. If you get up to use the bathroom they might comment that you just went two hours ago. MIL is a huge control freak. She tries to pick where everyone sits (and my seat in the living area doesn't face the tv so I can't even zone out on that unless I get up and argue that I'm going to sit on the floor). We aren't allowed to even grab a glass of water without asking permission, and she often says no. There's no guest bedroom (we sleep in the living room on a pull out couch) so thus no escape. When we tried to stay in a hotel she absolutely LOST it. Holidays are the worst. On the bright side, my kids don't seem to notice her quirks and absolutely love MIL.


Whaaat?? Who are these people that would deny you the ability to get a glass of water? I'd be bringing a 24-pack of Poland Springs with me


PP here -- I do, now! There's always a bottle of water in my purse for our visits. Sad, but true.


I have so many questions. What justification do they give? Or do they just say "no" when asked for water? What would they do if you got up and got a glass yourself? What if you move your chair to see the TV?

Are they nice to you aside from this, or is their crazy control freakiness a symptom of hating you and wanting to make your life miserable?

Does DH recognize how odd it is? Does it bother him? Were they always like that?
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 16:06     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:My in laws also want to spend every second with us. If you get up to use the bathroom they might comment that you just went two hours ago. MIL is a huge control freak. She tries to pick where everyone sits (and my seat in the living area doesn't face the tv so I can't even zone out on that unless I get up and argue that I'm going to sit on the floor). We aren't allowed to even grab a glass of water without asking permission, and she often says no. There's no guest bedroom (we sleep in the living room on a pull out couch) so thus no escape. When we tried to stay in a hotel she absolutely LOST it. Holidays are the worst. On the bright side, my kids don't seem to notice her quirks and absolutely love MIL.


I would never let someone deny me water. Bring your own. Or better yet, just go get yourself a glass, and say, "Mary, my throat is dry. I'm sure you don't want me to be uncomfortable in your home."
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 16:04     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My in laws also want to spend every second with us. If you get up to use the bathroom they might comment that you just went two hours ago. MIL is a huge control freak. She tries to pick where everyone sits (and my seat in the living area doesn't face the tv so I can't even zone out on that unless I get up and argue that I'm going to sit on the floor). We aren't allowed to even grab a glass of water without asking permission, and she often says no. There's no guest bedroom (we sleep in the living room on a pull out couch) so thus no escape. When we tried to stay in a hotel she absolutely LOST it. Holidays are the worst. On the bright side, my kids don't seem to notice her quirks and absolutely love MIL.


Whaaat?? Who are these people that would deny you the ability to get a glass of water? I'd be bringing a 24-pack of Poland Springs with me


PP here -- I do, now! There's always a bottle of water in my purse for our visits. Sad, but true.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 16:01     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:My in laws also want to spend every second with us. If you get up to use the bathroom they might comment that you just went two hours ago. MIL is a huge control freak. She tries to pick where everyone sits (and my seat in the living area doesn't face the tv so I can't even zone out on that unless I get up and argue that I'm going to sit on the floor). We aren't allowed to even grab a glass of water without asking permission, and she often says no. There's no guest bedroom (we sleep in the living room on a pull out couch) so thus no escape. When we tried to stay in a hotel she absolutely LOST it. Holidays are the worst. On the bright side, my kids don't seem to notice her quirks and absolutely love MIL.


Whaaat?? Who are these people that would deny you the ability to get a glass of water? I'd be bringing a 24-pack of Poland Springs with me
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 15:53     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:My in laws also want to spend every second with us. If you get up to use the bathroom they might comment that you just went two hours ago. MIL is a huge control freak. She tries to pick where everyone sits (and my seat in the living area doesn't face the tv so I can't even zone out on that unless I get up and argue that I'm going to sit on the floor). We aren't allowed to even grab a glass of water without asking permission, and she often says no. There's no guest bedroom (we sleep in the living room on a pull out couch) so thus no escape. When we tried to stay in a hotel she absolutely LOST it. Holidays are the worst. On the bright side, my kids don't seem to notice her quirks and absolutely love MIL.


This is MY life. I knit and always take 2-3 projects along. It helps a ton. I am present but occupied on something else that is deemed acceptable. And when i change to a different project it gives us something else to talk about.

Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 15:32     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are nice people, but they never stop talking. They will spout the most inane things just to fill the silence. It literally gives me a headache. I feel bad about excusing myself to go take a nap or read a book three times a day, but the alternative is that I will kill someone.


I know! It's one thing to talk about your vacation for 5 minutes. But 45 minutes, with details like the occupations of the people you shared dinner in the dining car with? Come ON.

My FIL used to make me leaf through vacation albums. Eventually, he moved on to home videos. If someone comes into the room in the middle of showing a video, he will start it over so they can see the whole thing.


LOL I feel for you! Whhhyyyyyy???


Original PP here. It gets better--my MIL will literally make stuff up to fill the conversation. Not even big stuff: she'll invent occupations for the people she shared the dining car with. Then my FIL will contradict her. Then they will argue about who was right. All the while, I can feel my brain about to explode.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 15:22     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
My in laws also want to spend every second with us. If you get up to use the bathroom they might comment that you just went two hours ago. MIL is a huge control freak. She tries to pick where everyone sits (and my seat in the living area doesn't face the tv so I can't even zone out on that unless I get up and argue that I'm going to sit on the floor). We aren't allowed to even grab a glass of water without asking permission, and she often says no. There's no guest bedroom (we sleep in the living room on a pull out couch) so thus no escape. When we tried to stay in a hotel she absolutely LOST it. Holidays are the worst. On the bright side, my kids don't seem to notice her quirks and absolutely love MIL.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 15:21     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are nice people, but they never stop talking. They will spout the most inane things just to fill the silence. It literally gives me a headache. I feel bad about excusing myself to go take a nap or read a book three times a day, but the alternative is that I will kill someone.


I know! It's one thing to talk about your vacation for 5 minutes. But 45 minutes, with details like the occupations of the people you shared dinner in the dining car with? Come ON.

My FIL used to make me leaf through vacation albums. Eventually, he moved on to home videos. If someone comes into the room in the middle of showing a video, he will start it over so they can see the whole thing.


LOL I feel for you! Whhhyyyyyy???
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 15:12     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
I liked my ILs a lot more when we were local and could just spend a couple hours with them.

Now they come visit (thankfully we aren't too far and it's usually an overnight) and I can't stand it. MIL asks a thousand questions - DH tunes her out and ignores it, which is rude, but she'll remember the most minute detail and ask about it over and over and over and over and ughhhhh.

Since we had our daughter, they've been visiting much more frequently. We both work FT, I can't just spend the weekend sitting on the couch listening to them drone on and on anymore. The last time they were here, they watched me fold a giant pile of baby clothes. Not that I would have accepted help, but they just watched and didn't offer.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 13:53     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are nice people, but they never stop talking. They will spout the most inane things just to fill the silence. It literally gives me a headache. I feel bad about excusing myself to go take a nap or read a book three times a day, but the alternative is that I will kill someone.


I know! It's one thing to talk about your vacation for 5 minutes. But 45 minutes, with details like the occupations of the people you shared dinner in the dining car with? Come ON.

My FIL used to make me leaf through vacation albums. Eventually, he moved on to home videos. If someone comes into the room in the middle of showing a video, he will start it over so they can see the whole thing.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 13:30     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are nice people, but they never stop talking. They will spout the most inane things just to fill the silence. It literally gives me a headache. I feel bad about excusing myself to go take a nap or read a book three times a day, but the alternative is that I will kill someone.


I know! It's one thing to talk about your vacation for 5 minutes. But 45 minutes, with details like the occupations of the people you shared dinner in the dining car with? Come ON.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 13:14     Subject: Re:Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
My il's are divorced. FIL and his family are nice enough. MIL is probably a psychopath. She has never murdered anyone, but that is honestly because it has never come up for her. I can imagine her saying, "oh, it just breaks my heart that I had to kill that baby, but I just didn't know what else to do." Then crying while DH hugged her sympathetically and I stood there dumbfounded. I think that the only way she was able to raise good children is because she didn't want people to think she was a bad mom, and I am positive that the only reason she hangs out with us now is because her boyfriend would think she was a bad grandma if she didn't.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2015 13:11     Subject: Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?
I love my inlaws, and they're local, so they never overstay their welcome. Dreading traveling to my own family for the holidays, though.