Anonymous
12/19/2015 11:38
Subject: Re:Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
Fish and company go bad in three days. Ten to one if they stayed longer you would be on this board complaining about your childless sister an her husband just don't "get it" and are making things oh so difficult for you and messing up your kids routines. Some people will never be happy and always look for a reason to be offended.Anonymous wrote:3 full days is a long stay
Anonymous
12/19/2015 11:36
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
That is you projecting what you think their intentions are. So they are combing this trip with a little vacation for themselves. What is your problem? Has the world always revolved around you?Anonymous wrote:OP here. The time off isn't a factor - they are continuing their own tour of my state after leaving our house. And I most certainly would NEVER say anything to them. I totally get what they are doing - as I've stated - and I would do the same. Just to be on the receiving end, knowing that your family is pretty much coming out of obligation and is basically doing it to be nice - just kind of stinks. I definitely appreciate their efforts.
Anonymous
12/19/2015 11:34
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
Thank you. The level of self-centeredness and immaturity on this board is mind-boggling.Anonymous wrote:I'm mind-boggled. I look at this and see such a big thing - travelling all the way across the country at a very busy time - and still people aren't completely happy. Guests stay too long, don't stay long enough, they don't do this, they do do that - why are people so hard to please?
Anonymous
12/19/2015 11:03
Subject: Re:Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
OP congratulations on not having anything that actually matters to complain about. My advice is to count your many blessings and stop looking for reasons to feel like you're being short changed.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 21:47
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
Anonymous wrote:I'm on the other side of this. I'm 38 weeks pregnant, and am still hosting my ILs/husband's cousin/husband's aunt for Christmas. (I can't travel.)
Not only am I getting grief for the fact that we're "making" everyone come to our house as I'm not supposed to be too far from our hospital (they are all retired or in grad school, in the cousin's case, with no work obligations; only a 4-hour drive), but for the duration. I've only invited them for Christmas Eve through the day after Christmas. I'm so horrible, cooking and cleaning and entertaining people while I have a toddler and am *38 weeks.* AND my ILs are coming back shortly after New Year's to see the new baby.
So you can't win. Some people, like OP, just want and want and want, with no regard for the preferences or life circumstances or other people. I've given up trying to please and just do what I can do as politely as possible.
That's exactly it. Some people are just black holes of neediness/"want-iness"...no matter how much you give, they just want more. You can't win...
Anonymous
12/18/2015 19:03
Subject: Re:Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
OP, i bet if you made sure that your guests were free to stay at a hotel, no hard feelings, they might be staying in town for longer than 3 days. Perhaps your mom could offer to put them up?
Anonymous
12/18/2015 19:01
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
Forgot to add, I would also hate to BE the house guest in this situation... Gosh, I'm so antisocial.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 19:01
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
I would hate to have house-guests in such a situation. So I guess you're already at a higher level than me
Anonymous
12/18/2015 18:57
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
I'm on the other side of this. I'm 38 weeks pregnant, and am still hosting my ILs/husband's cousin/husband's aunt for Christmas. (I can't travel.)
Not only am I getting grief for the fact that we're "making" everyone come to our house as I'm not supposed to be too far from our hospital (they are all retired or in grad school, in the cousin's case, with no work obligations; only a 4-hour drive), but for the duration. I've only invited them for Christmas Eve through the day after Christmas. I'm so horrible, cooking and cleaning and entertaining people while I have a toddler and am *38 weeks.* AND my ILs are coming back shortly after New Year's to see the new baby.
So you can't win. Some people, like OP, just want and want and want, with no regard for the preferences or life circumstances or other people. I've given up trying to please and just do what I can do as politely as possible.
Not only am I getting grief for the fact that we're "making" everyone come to our house as I'm not supposed to be too far from our hospital (they are all retired or in grad school, in the cousin's case, with no work obligations; only a 4-hour drive), but for the duration. I've only invited them for Christmas Eve through the day after Christmas. I'm so horrible, cooking and cleaning and entertaining people while I have a toddler and am *38 weeks.* AND my ILs are coming back shortly after New Year's to see the new baby.
So you can't win. Some people, like OP, just want and want and want, with no regard for the preferences or life circumstances or other people. I've given up trying to please and just do what I can do as politely as possible.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 18:03
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
Anonymous wrote:OP - I don't understand why you assume staying for 3 days = knowing that your family is pretty much coming out of obligation and is basically doing it to be nice. I think you are making assumptions and feeling badly over nothing.Anonymous wrote:OP here. The time off isn't a factor - they are continuing their own tour of my state after leaving our house. And I most certainly would NEVER say anything to them. I totally get what they are doing - as I've stated - and I would do the same. Just to be on the receiving end, knowing that your family is pretty much coming out of obligation and is basically doing it to be nice - just kind of stinks. I definitely appreciate their efforts.
+1 I'm not seeing how you made that leap, either. Why do you think they're only coming out of obligation?
Maybe they don't get a lot of vacation time and want to get in some traveling and couple time? Maybe they're private and can only handle a few days in tiur small home. But that foes not equal coming to see you out of obligation.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 17:52
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
Try not to take others' choices/decisions personally. They usually aren't meant that way.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 17:50
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
Anonymous wrote:My brother and sister-in-law, who don't have any kids, are flying across the country for Xmas at our house, which is small. My parents are also coming, and we have a 1 and a 3 year old. They get in at midnight on the 22nd and are leaving at 6 am on the 26th. I totally get it - we have small kids, a small house, they have to sleep on a pull-out bed, etc. Just - it feels like they are staying JUST long enough and it bugs me and makes me sad for my mom, who I know would love it if they stayed longer.
I'm also not someone who gets bothered by people in my house, so I guess if I were, I'd be glad they were staying only the requisite 3 days.
Just a vent, that's all.
I am going home for 48 hours. I wish I could stay longer but can't. Has nothing to do with my family or hosts.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 17:40
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
I think you're internalizing too many of your mom's emotions and you're letting that keep you from having your own thoughts/feelings about a situation. I do this too. Your mother may be sad, but it's not the only way to see this situation. Affirming to her that it is sad or disappointing doesn't help anyone.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 17:33
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
Well, maybe they take very seriously the mantra about fish and house guests getting old after three days. Not sure why they can't stay at a hotel and be more comfortable, and add an extra day. Pretty soon you and your kids can also travel to them occasionally, so you'll see them a bit more.
It's hard when family are spread apart. I envy people who have their wanted family members living close by.
It's hard when family are spread apart. I envy people who have their wanted family members living close by.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 16:46
Subject: Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The time off isn't a factor - they are continuing their own tour of my state after leaving our house. And I most certainly would NEVER say anything to them. I totally get what they are doing - as I've stated - and I would do the same. Just to be on the receiving end, knowing that your family is pretty much coming out of obligation and is basically doing it to be nice - just kind of stinks. I definitely appreciate their efforts.
I get it! I'd feel the same way, and it's not an indication of a bad attitude, it's indication you love your family and want to see more of them, and their behavior is indication they are aware of the potential inconvenience of guests staying too long in a small house, which means they're nice people too. My family is the same!
Enjoy your time and holiday! =)