Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies in happy marriages with great husbands, do tell; how did you know your then boyfriend was husband material? What traits did he exhibit?

In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

Also, he was very close to his family and friends. Kind hearted. Hard working.

Both of those would be turn offs to me.

+1

And I am an adult and don't need to be taken care of.

OP here. OMG you guys. My dh is NOT my personal ATM. He's not a fancy lawyer or doctor. He doesn't make very good money. I wasn't looking for an ATM but rather, the generosity of spirit.

Even though he does not make much money, he still takes care of me. Thats what I was looking for.

No, I understand exactly. It's the willingness to give and share. I think a husband should take care of his wife. I know that's old fashioned thinking, but it's has worked for many generations. That's back when people actually stayed married.

too many posters are reading too much into it. I am sure my DH probably has always had that mindset that if his wife wants to stay home and watch kids thats fine. He has pride and would never be comfortable not working or doing his share or more financially. Its a sign of a man who is willing to step and be resposnbille and put his family first. As it happens, I love working and make the same amount as him and we have a nanny. Its a very modern partnership, he cooks dinner every night too. I don't feel like he is my human ATM. But after dating a bunch of guys who kept waiting for their luck to change, or a better boss or the next "big thing" to hit, I realized they are losers. Trust me ladies, financial stable and responsible is sexy. The number one things couple fight about it money. Women and men need to be honest. If you grew up a certain way and have an expection of your adult life being at a certain financial level, then maybe you need to think twice about marrying the yoga instructor if you also aren;t going to make more than 30k a year. the resentment that can build over money is like cancer.

This is one of those things people hate to admit but is true.

Anonymous wrote:Compassion first and foremost. Nothing else matters.

I also adore a man who has a yearning to understand a person, rather than lust after the exterior. I've seen very few in this category.

Huh?

Anonymous wrote:Man with a functioning penis, career, sense of humor and personal hygiene.

That's funny. I'd add caring, strong morals and and grounded in his religious faith, and no addictions. My ex had everything on your list but he had a mean streak and wasn't very caring especially when he was in the thick of his addiction. And no I didn't see any of these before marrying him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies in happy marriages with great husbands, do tell; how did you know your then boyfriend was husband material? What traits did he exhibit?

In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

Also, he was very close to his family and friends. Kind hearted. Hard working.

Both of those would be turn offs to me.

+1

And I am an adult and don't need to be taken care of.

OP here. OMG you guys. My dh is NOT my personal ATM. He's not a fancy lawyer or doctor. He doesn't make very good money. I wasn't looking for an ATM but rather, the generosity of spirit.

Even though he does not make much money, he still takes care of me. Thats what I was looking for.

No, I understand exactly. It's the willingness to give and share. I think a husband should take care of his wife. I know that's old fashioned thinking, but it's has worked for many generations. That's back when people actually stayed married.

too many posters are reading too much into it. I am sure my DH probably has always had that mindset that if his wife wants to stay home and watch kids thats fine. He has pride and would never be comfortable not working or doing his share or more financially. Its a sign of a man who is willing to step and be resposnbille and put his family first. As it happens, I love working and make the same amount as him and we have a nanny. Its a very modern partnership, he cooks dinner every night too. I don't feel like he is my human ATM. But after dating a bunch of guys who kept waiting for their luck to change, or a better boss or the next "big thing" to hit, I realized they are losers. Trust me ladies, financial stable and responsible is sexy. The number one things couple fight about it money. Women and men need to be honest. If you grew up a certain way and have an expection of your adult life being at a certain financial level, then maybe you need to think twice about marrying the yoga instructor if you also aren;t going to make more than 30k a year. the resentment that can build over money is like cancer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies in happy marriages with great husbands, do tell; how did you know your then boyfriend was husband material? What traits did he exhibit?

In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

Also, he was very close to his family and friends. Kind hearted. Hard working.

Both of those would be turn offs to me.

+1

And I am an adult and don't need to be taken care of.

OP here. OMG you guys. My dh is NOT my personal ATM. He's not a fancy lawyer or doctor. He doesn't make very good money. I wasn't looking for an ATM but rather, the generosity of spirit.

Even though he does not make much money, he still takes care of me. Thats what I was looking for.

No, I understand exactly. It's the willingness to give and share. I think a husband should take care of his wife. I know that's old fashioned thinking, but it's has worked for many generations. That's back when people actually stayed married.

Man with a functioning penis, career, sense of humor and personal hygiene.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies in happy marriages with great husbands, do tell; how did you know your then boyfriend was husband material? What traits did he exhibit?

In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

Also, he was very close to his family and friends. Kind hearted. Hard working.

Both of those would be turn offs to me.

+1

And I am an adult and don't need to be taken care of.

OP here. OMG you guys. My dh is NOT my personal ATM. He's not a fancy lawyer or doctor. He doesn't make very good money. I wasn't looking for an ATM but rather, the generosity of spirit.

Even though he does not make much money, he still takes care of me. Thats what I was looking for.

But his assumption that his future wife would not want to work/have a career would be something that annoyed me.

I guess that by saying he wanted lots of kids, he showed his honesty. But he had to know that lots of kids are not appealing to many women. Or maybe he was just naive about what women want. Good thing he found you, OP.

He was honest about what he wanted and I see nothing wrong with that just becuase you hate the idea of staying home and having lots of kids doesn't mean all or most women do. His honesty allowed him to find a better match, better to be true to self early on than play the PC game and end up with someone you can't stand and be trying to figure out how to get out of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies in happy marriages with great husbands, do tell; how did you know your then boyfriend was husband material? What traits did he exhibit?

In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

Also, he was very close to his family and friends. Kind hearted. Hard working.

Both of those would be turn offs to me.

+1

And I am an adult and don't need to be taken care of.

OP here. OMG you guys. My dh is NOT my personal ATM. He's not a fancy lawyer or doctor. He doesn't make very good money. I wasn't looking for an ATM but rather, the generosity of spirit.

Even though he does not make much money, he still takes care of me. Thats what I was looking for.

But his assumption that his future wife would not want to work/have a career would be something that annoyed me.

I guess that by saying he wanted lots of kids, he showed his honesty. But he had to know that lots of kids are not appealing to many women. Or maybe he was just naive about what women want. Good thing he found you, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Treated everybody with kindness. Good to his mother, and his dogs. Could spend lots of time with him without getting sick of it, or bored. Our future careers/earning potential did not factor into it at all.

I find the at all part unbelievable. Were you young and broke before you married? Someone has to work!

Who said we didn't work? And yes, we were college kids working retail jobs when we got together.

Anonymous wrote:Ladies in happy marriages with great husbands, do tell; how did you know your then boyfriend was husband material? What traits did he exhibit?

In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

Also, he was very close to his family and friends. Kind hearted. Hard working.

The main trait was that he liked me and asked me out.

Anonymous wrote:Ladies in happy marriages with great husbands, do tell; how did you know your then boyfriend was husband material? What traits did he exhibit?

In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

Also, he was very close to his family and friends. Kind hearted. Hard working.

Very funny, trolly wifey

I didn't meet my now husband until I was 35 and had about 6 serious relationships before that (at least one year or more) and lot of hook ups in between. So I think I do have a pretty good handle on this:
1-guy must be financially secure and managing debt (which shouldnt be anything other than loans or mortgage).
2-educated.
3-not a job hopper. Guys who change jobs every two years, at least in my experience, always have issues with the "stupid boss" or keep chasing a shiny object. These are the guys who are least likely to be moving up in the world.
4-kind. to you always. Even when you argue. No one resorts to name calling, threats of break ups, ultimatums, or hitting below the belt. this is so huge I should repeat it a hundred times.
5-handles stress well. When they have a bad day, are they moody all night? when you fight do they give you the cold shoulder. Hard for them to bounce back or move on from conflict. Run for this hills ladies. Actually, if a guy gives you the cold shoulder ever its a sign of super fucked up passive agressiveness. So even if everything else is good, this alone will eat your relationship up
6-do you both have the same level of sex drive. This will likely change, but if you aren't even on the same page from the start it will get worse.
7-can he stand up to his parents but still get along with them> in other words he is own man.

Strong sense of self and strong character. His own person. Career And intellectual aspirations, but no kind of macho need to be the sole provider. Devoted to family. Funny and good company.