Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not fair to the child to voluntarily bring her into all this mess and baggage. She deserves two loving parents who are committed to each other.

Get a cat.

Friendship and desire to have a kid is baggage?

It's not baggage but it's also far from enough to raise a child in a healthy way

Anonymous wrote:Not fair to the child to voluntarily bring her into all this mess and baggage. She deserves two loving parents who are committed to each other.

Get a cat.

+1000. Or a dog.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

Only 43???? Are you out of your mind?

This whole discussion is probably moot if you're thinking of having biological children.

^^ Where are you from PP? Open your eyes, 43 is hardly unheard of.

Of course lots of 40 year olds have children, but not naturally or without ART. I assume OP would be having at least IUI anyways to have a baby with a gay man.

Go for it OP!

Lots of people do but it's challenging. My grandmother had one at 43, but it was not her first, it was her sixth. I was almost 42 when I had my third. Both conceived "naturally," but OP, that doesn't mean much any more. If you need modern reproductive technology, still GO for it!

It's a fulfilling experience and you'll have lots of peers on the playground. I do. My grandmother didn't, but my uncle's still glad to be here.

Give it a try! In D.C. alternative families have lots of support! You might pass on this link to the prospective baby daddy:

http://www.gayparentmag.com/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

Only 43???? Are you out of your mind?

This whole discussion is probably moot if you're thinking of having biological children.

^^ Where are you from PP? Open your eyes, 43 is hardly unheard of.

This is not true. Statistically speaking more women are having kids over 40 and with the right preparation (vitamins, folic acid, healthy) ...they are more successful and better parents then the "younger generation". Women have careers, and are waiting longer. Couples are getting married older and then having healthy kids. Its 2015 people.

The arrangement seems workable, but you better get cracking on harvesting some eggs.

Anonymous wrote:The worst that could happen? There are lots of worsts, and you will never have children with anyone, even a committed spouse, if you decide on "worsts."

The worst likely to happen? One of you wants to move far away for a job or new partner and the child loses a parent. OR, one of you finds someone you want to marry, and the new family unit takes one of you away from the child.

I think this is spot-on.

I'd add that there's potential for you and your friend to have a falling out or discover that you have drastically different parenting styles and end up in an ugly custody battle. Or one of you loses a job and cannot provide financial support anymore and the other starts getting resentful. But those are things that happen with married couples.

In my opinion, you should both talk to a therapist (together) and a lawyer (separately) before you decide to do this. If you ultimately feel that you're not prepared to co-parent with your friend, an anonymous sperm donor may be the right option for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

Only 43???? Are you out of your mind?

This whole discussion is probably moot if you're thinking of having biological children.

^^ Where are you from PP? Open your eyes, 43 is hardly unheard of.

Of course lots of 40 year olds have children, but not naturally or without ART. I assume OP would be having at least IUI anyways to have a baby with a gay man.

Go for it OP!

You're already 43. When do you turn 44? By the time the two of you agree and get going on this, you will be close to 45. 45 is like the death knell of fertility. Almost no one gives birth to a healthy first baby using their own eggs at that age.

By age 40, a woman's chance is less than 5% per cycle, so fewer than 5 out of every 100 women are expected to be successful each month. Women do not remain fertile until menopause. The average age for menopause is 51, but most women become unable to have a successful pregnancy sometime in their mid-40s.

Age and Fertility - American Society for Reproductive Medicine
https://www.asrm.org/.../agefe...American Society for Reproductive Medicine

Anonymous wrote:Not fair to the child to voluntarily bring her into all this mess and baggage. She deserves two loving parents who are committed to each other.

Get a cat.

Friendship and desire to have a kid is baggage?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

Only 43???? Are you out of your mind?

This whole discussion is probably moot if you're thinking of having biological children.

^^ Where are you from PP? Open your eyes, 43 is hardly unheard of.

Open your own eyes. If you see a bunch of pregnant 43 yos walking around, they likely used donor eggs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

You have a less than 10% chance of getting pregnant using your own eggs and having a live birth. IF you can get pregnant, your chance of having a miscarriage is quite high.

Using your own eggs? Special needs is a serious possibility, if you are even able to get pregnant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look at just the miscarriage rates alone, OP.

And here are the percentages of eggs with chromosonal abnormalities.



The point is, the chance of you conceiving and carrying a healthy child is very low. You may need to do multiple rounds of IVF. Are you both up for that?

These data points only apply if the woman has primary or secondary infertility to start with. Stop fear mongering.

Yes, OP Is outside the normal window, statistics are against her. I assume she knows that, but fear mongering and providing inapplicable data just fuels the ignorance fire. Many women have normal pregnancies and babies at this age. Most of the data available is outdated and poorly analyzed.

Not everyone's narrative runs the same way.

OP, if this is what you want, I think you could do worse for options. The idea of family is becoming more fluid, and I, for one, am happy for that.m

If this is what y want, and you and the father can agree on what to do, I think this is a brave and wonderful plan. I'm sorry, but half the finger waggin on here comes from people that married their HS sweethearts, had babies, and secretly seethe in resentment until the kids leave for college, some of them having affairs. All because they didn't realize that having children is a choice and not a mandate.

If is is what you want to do... Plan ahead for the worst. Go to counselling with the potential father. I'd actually recommend this for anyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

Only 43???? Are you out of your mind?

This whole discussion is probably moot if you're thinking of having biological children.

^^ Where are you from PP? Open your eyes, 43 is hardly unheard of.