Anonymous wrote:DH and I will be buying a home soon but I will be putting down the downpayment and paying the mortgage for the foreseeable future as DH cannot afford to contribute. He has two children from a previous marriage will need to pay child support for at least 10 more years. We also have two children together. I would like this house to go to our children together when we die. Spoke to a lawyer who suggested that I put the house only in my name or put it in a trust. What are the pros and cons of putting it in a trust? He explained that when I want to refinance, I'd need to pay to take it out of the trust temporarily and put back in.

Before people bash me for not wanting to also provide for my stepchildren, I am fine dividing our joint accounts and any future assets equally among all children, but since this home will be purchased using funds ($200k) I had before we were married, and I will be paying for the mortgage, I would like it to go to our children together.

I have a similar marital situation - married 19 years. I have two step kids (whom I love dearly), and we have two children together. We paid for both college educations, along with child support of course - for 15 years.

I brought $120K in downpayment to the relationship from a home I purchased about 5 years before we met. As far as I am concerned that money is technically mine. Had it not been for my $120K, we would have never been able to buy our next home which we sold two years later and made $400K.

On the flip side, DH makes 4 times what I make so had it not been for his income we would have never been able to buy that next house.

Point is, we have never been a household that splits finances. What's mine is his and what's his is mine. Also, I've been his kids' stepmom for 19 years. Our children are their half-siblings. They're a big part of our lives, although they never actually lived with us. When we pass away, I do expect that our assets will be split evenly amongst all of 4 of them.

If I married DH after his children were grown this scenario would have played out differently. I would be careful to make sure that our marital assets went solely to our children and whatever he had before we got married would go solely to his children.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we have only been married 4 years so we have very young children.

The reality is that my stepchildren have two parents that are to provide for them and my kids have two parents to provide for them. Stepkids will also receive support and inheritance from their mother and mother's side of the family.

My other option could have been to put my $200k in a fund for our kids and start from scratch saving for a house together but purchasing a home with the funds is a better investment. And if I were to die first then of course I would want my husband to have the house and funds but the reality is we have two young kids that will need support and would not get it from anyone else, unlike stepkids. As I mentioned before, other assets could and should be divided equally.

Ignore the obnoxious trolls, OP. You are making sense completely. I don't think anyone's offered you good advice here. Go see a trusts and estates attorney in your state.

The house is not yours and yours alone, OP. All income is marital income. You have an oddly selfish view of marriage and family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds perfectly reasonable. I can't believe you're getting flamed for it.

If she had stated upfront that her SC are to be provided for and she just wants to make sure hers are as well, I believe the tone would have been different in the responses.

When talking about mothers of sons leaving their jewelry (in another thread from a few weeks ago), people were savvy, sensitive, creative, and understanding.

Like you, I don't see why that wouldn't be the case here. Leaving children 50% of everything is an Estate nightmare, if you have items of significant worth. They should be parceled out with care, balancing the value (sure, why not) but making distinctions among one's stuff is damn helpful after you're gone----otherwise, everything has to be sold or bartered among the beneficiaries (paintings, carpets, dishware, etc.)

For the record, in my original post I stated the following and still got flamed:

Before people bash me for not wanting to also provide for my stepchildren, I am fine dividing our joint accounts and any future assets equally among all children, but since this home will be purchased using funds ($200k) I had before we were married, and I will be paying for the mortgage, I would like it to go to our children together.

I've always understood (and made the assumption) that income that is earned during a marriage belongs to a marriage. So while you may have some assets from before that go into a house, the mortgage payments coming out of marital income are going to belong to the marriage. This would be whether a husband earns more than a wife or vice versa. Anyway, it looks like you need to talk to a family/trusts/estates lawyer to sort this out.

Why the hell SHOULD she leave anything to the stepchildren?

That's their mom's job.

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are doing the right thing. Put the house in a trust for your children together. Ignore these harping ninnies - they do not understand that the finances & dynamics of step families are fundamentally different.
- Person in similar boat

+1, we did our will and divided it. Any money in my name went directly to our children. Then his were divided between the kids, with all the money going to raise the minor children then to be split (reality is there would be very little money left). His kids are now adults and ours are still very young. Child support is long over and he doesn't have a relationship with them. Eventually we will leave it all to our kids. These kids have two parents. If dad dies, they will get social security and still have mom to care for them. You need to protect your kids and they are not entitled to your funds. If you are putting the downpayment and paying the mortgage, I'd just put the house in your name only to make sure its not an issue. Then make a will leaving the house to the kids with your husband retaining rights to live in it. I am not sure why stepmom is expected to equally support her kids.

Op, you are doing the right thing. Put the house in a trust for your children together. Ignore these harping ninnies - they do not understand that the finances & dynamics of step families are fundamentally different.
- Person in similar boat

Anonymous wrote:Title the house in both of your names or just yours, it doesn't really matter. If it's in just your name and you die, it goes to him. If it's in both your names and you die, it goes to him. You need to specify in your will that your half of the house, upon your death, will be put into a trust for your children. You can put it in a trust now, but again you then have to specify in your trust documents that the house should go to your kids.

Does this vary state to state? Why would a will naming children the heirs to the house in one name not preclude whatever state law this may be, that it goes to the spouse?

OP, you are right. His ex-wife can provide money to his kids. Or will your kids also inherit from ex-wife's monies.

OP, this is completely rational. I'm sorry you're being flamed for it. It isn't your responsibility to provide for your husband's kids with his ex.

Anonymous wrote:I hope he designates his current assets and life insurance solely to his "previous" kids should he die, in that case- you know- to be fair. Since they were entitled to it before your "new kids" came on the scene. When he does first your kids (and you) should not get a dime of it based on the way you think.

People like you make me sick.

+1