We help to subsidize my MIL's living expenses and also contribute towards FIL's assisted living expenses since he developed Alzheimers a few years ago. It stings a little since MIL used to look down on me and my family for not being as wealthy as her and my SIL when DH and I were dating and during most of our marriage. She came from a well-to-do family but circumstances have resulted in her needing our assistance. What goes around comes around.

I help my parents support my grandmother. They were just a lower middle class family that ran a small coffee shop. She never worked officially, so gets just a pittance of social security and her medications are very expensive. For the tiny amount she gets each month, she makes it last a long time.

Anonymous wrote:I feel torn because my father sacrificed financially for us when we were young, but make us feel guilty for it AND was an abusive alcoholic. He is fiscally irresponsible, doesn't drive because too many DUIs, and has a tremendous amount of pride. We paid for him to come to our wedding, much to DH's annoyance, because my dad couldn't afford to fly out or pay for a hotel room. I know my dad could use money, but I am afraid that if I give it to him, he will waste it on alcohol.

Wow. You married a real winner...

I feel torn because my father sacrificed financially for us when we were young, but make us feel guilty for it AND was an abusive alcoholic. He is fiscally irresponsible, doesn't drive because too many DUIs, and has a tremendous amount of pride. We paid for him to come to our wedding, much to DH's annoyance, because my dad couldn't afford to fly out or pay for a hotel room. I know my dad could use money, but I am afraid that if I give it to him, he will waste it on alcohol.

We do help out DH's mom. A small, but regular amount goes to her bank account each month and whenever we visit we help out with some sort of repair, buying clothes, etc...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. And i would kill myself rather than be a burden to my children.

Dealing with a parent's suicide would probably be a heavier burden.

I disagree. If I go out that way it will be because I have lived a rich and full life and no longer have anythingvto contribute - very different from a younger person commiting suicide because they see no way forward. Research shows that children of parents who choose euthanasia do better, on average, than those that do not.

Having experienced late life suicide in my family, I assure you that your are overly simplistic to the point of being wrong.

Sometimes parents do not ask. My mil never asked. She was in a bad situation and we had no choice but to take over.

No. My parents have lived frugally, saved, and inherited from their parents. They also have multiple pensions. Their prime earning days were during the years when people were given good pensions, and it was possible to buy a house for a reasonable price. It didn't take two incomes, either. I'm glad I don't have to worry about them.

I have no savings, no pension, no property. I'm frugal, work hard, but no companies I've worked for have offered pensions. When you are choosing between paying rent and putting food on the table, and putting money into a retirement plan, sadly, today's needs must be met first.

My parents' assets will be bled dry to cover their end care, as there is cancer and dementia, so I wouldn't expect to inherit anything. I have one grown child who is doing well, and I will ask nothing from him. Over the course of my life, the expectation of pensions, reasonable housing costs, and the ability to save evaporated for my income level. I'm surrounded by hard-working people who have nothing in their later years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. And i would kill myself rather than be a burden to my children.

Dealing with a parent's suicide would probably be a heavier burden.

I disagree. If I go out that way it will be because I have lived a rich and full life and no longer have anythingvto contribute - very different from a younger person commiting suicide because they see no way forward. Research shows that children of parents who choose euthanasia do better, on average, than those that do not.

Anonymous wrote:No. And i would kill myself rather than be a burden to my children.

Dealing with a parent's suicide would probably be a heavier burden.

No. And i would kill myself rather than be a burden to my children.

My parents and grandparents are dead but I would have helped in a heartbeat if I had been asked. My MIL is gone, my FIL is in the hospital right now having suffered a heart attack and has pneumonia. He is not expected to survive the weekend.

My husband has one brother. He is there at the family home signing away any rights to money or property so his brother can have whatever.

Unlike the ones here, I did feel a sense of obligation to my parents and grandparents. They gave me everything I needed and most wants. For that I would have done anything for them.

Not that it matters but I'm white.

My parents were relatively wealthy in our home country, but fled to the US with us when I was a little kid, to escape civil war. They went from having house servants to cleaning hotel rooms and living in a tiny apartment. They worked around the clock to give my sister and me the opportunity to be educated and prepared for good careers. Now that they are retired, my wife and I pay their mortgage and several other household bills, while my sister and her husband make their car payments. It's the very least we can do after they sacrificed so much for us. Because of their sacrifices, we are able to take on these financial responsibilities while still providing a comfortable life for our children.

My mom was also raised with the expectation that someone would take care of her. For most of her life she was very irresponsible and I was quite resentful and scared for her. She finally got her crap together in her sixties and managed to save a little money for semi-retirement. (She worked until she died at 80.) Even though she could have done without, we still sent her supplemental money each month, so she could have a dinner out or go to the movies. I'm glad for that.

We also send money to DH's parents. They were farmworkers and even though they paid off their modest house, they just didn't have much to start.

Exactly. Those posters mean to their parents and in laws, hopefully your kids don't treat you the same some day.