We don't exchange gifts with all the siblings. I sometimes get stuff for others, sometimes not. No one cares. They would prefer you keep your money if things are tight than buy them unnecessary things. I feel the same way.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I will do you one better... I received a text a few weeks ago from my SIL (who I have a rocky relationship with) telling me that she and my brother will no longer be buying gifts for anyone who has a child, only the child will get one. This informative text did not excuse me from buying a gift for them but simply let me know that unlike our other sibling who does not have a child I would no longer receive one.

I didn't respond but will be getting them an experience or consumable gift which is what I try to do for adults. I actually have a groupon for a concert I know they will like for $40 for two tickets in mind. I like to give gifts or provide kind gestures to people I love to show thoughtfulness during the holidays. I have a huge immediate family and it does add up and is time consuming but I also like doing it. Both bro and SIL are creative people who could make something for my family (he's an artist and amazing cook). They have tons of free time and more luxury hobbies than anyone I know, partly due to deciding not to have kids.

I think her text was ridiculous and continues to demonstrate to me that she does not want to work on having a better relationship. And I think my brother is a coward and dramatically lacks character and a backbone and it's really sad to see this at 40 years old.

I totally understand you being miffed and I am too and I am getting them a gift that I know they will like because this is who I am and their bad behavior is not going to dictate mine behavior.

Sure it did! I would respond, "Oh, that's wonderful! I've always thought that the gifts are really for the kids, anyway." And then don't give them anything. How can they possibly complain?

This is what my extended family started doing, and what I wish my in-laws would do. If I see something that I think someone would really love, I can give it to them anytime, but this exchanging of lists of stuff to buy is just so pointless.

Nah this seems really normal to me. My family just does gifts for the kids but the adults don't exchange anything (other than bringing over treats or stocking stuffers to share with everyone).

Adults giving gifts to each other seems so ridiculous to me. Why am I spending all this money and energy trying to figure out what to buy people when we are all perfectly capable of buying ourselves things we want? If you think of something really fabulous as a gift, give it at a random time! Much more meaningful than pacing the aisles of Target looking for something that your sister would kinda sorta maybe not even really like. What a waste.

That is to say, I much prefer Xmas be about the kids.

No gifts for adults is such a stress relief. My family implemented it years ago and we've never looked back. No more random junk or gift cards to stores we don't shop in. No wasting time thinking about it, save money etc.

DHs family does massive gift exchange. I end up with crap I don't want that lives in our basement storage closet or ends up donated to goodwill the next year. My SIL who is broke spends all her money then can't afford groceries for a month (so we end up chipping in). My other SIL forgets and orders Amazon gift cards on her iPhone in the car to Christmas dinner. I let my DH handle it - there are a lot of books and records... It's all a hassle. I say save it for the kids!

Anonymous wrote:22:52 This is a reason to stop with the gift exchange. It seems the older we are the more slights and offenses pile up over gifts. How many of us know friends or family who who use gifts to hurt one another or pass along a dig. So many of the people I know bean count with gifts and are pissed if they don't get what they think they deserve or what they think is equal.

People need to grow up and face the fact that Santa isn't real and more than likely you're not going to find the answer to your prayers or your dream gift on Christmas

+1

Exactly. Like those effing car company ads, with a bow on an $80,000. car. Let's be real.

22:52 This is a reason to stop with the gift exchange. It seems the older we are the more slights and offenses pile up over gifts. How many of us know friends or family who who use gifts to hurt one another or pass along a dig. So many of the people I know bean count with gifts and are pissed if they don't get what they think they deserve or what they think is equal.

People need to grow up and face the fact that Santa isn't real and more than likely you're not going to find the answer to your prayers or your dream gift on Christmas

I think a lot of adults are children about gifts. Despite the years and maturity, plenty of people the world owes them a gd present at Christmas and birthdays.

The siblings without children want to keep exchanging gifts and those of us with children want to stop. My sils, who aren't married and don't have significant others, get very upset over this every time we bring it up. They are in their 50s.

Childishness.

OP, I will do you one better... I received a text a few weeks ago from my SIL (who I have a rocky relationship with) telling me that she and my brother will no longer be buying gifts for anyone who has a child, only the child will get one. This informative text did not excuse me from buying a gift for them but simply let me know that unlike our other sibling who does not have a child I would no longer receive one.

I didn't respond but will be getting them an experience or consumable gift which is what I try to do for adults. I actually have a groupon for a concert I know they will like for $40 for two tickets in mind. I like to give gifts or provide kind gestures to people I love to show thoughtfulness during the holidays. I have a huge immediate family and it does add up and is time consuming but I also like doing it. Both bro and SIL are creative people who could make something for my family (he's an artist and amazing cook). They have tons of free time and more luxury hobbies than anyone I know, partly due to deciding not to have kids.

I think her text was ridiculous and continues to demonstrate to me that she does not want to work on having a better relationship. And I think my brother is a coward and dramatically lacks character and a backbone and it's really sad to see this at 40 years old.

I totally understand you being miffed and I am too and I am getting them a gift that I know they will like because this is who I am and their bad behavior is not going to dictate mine behavior.