Anonymous
Post 12/06/2015 09:20     Subject: Re:Nasssitic dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Today I am thankful that the mean people on this thread I don't know and are not "friends" with.

I post on DCUM looking for possible 1 other person that can understand how I'm feeling. Turns out I just get haters. Why DCUM, Why?? I just don't understand.

Anyhoo - This holiday season I vow to only live in the moment (except plan what gifts to buy my daughter for x-mas). And I've learned that the only way to deal with her dad is to create boundaries. And I will have to create them.



Yada, yada, yada. OP, if you are going to use a word, you should spell it correctly.


Can we just respectfully ignore the spelling mistake? We all see it. No need to keep pointing it out or even discussing it.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2015 08:17     Subject: Nasssitic dad
Anonymous wrote:Sister lives in Boston, parents are old and are in Herndon, brother in Ashburn, x inlaws in CA. I have a couple if friends but they both have their own kids and drama. Everyone else parents of kids at school and don't befriend me as I'm not there all the time and being a divorcee, somehow makes people uncomfortable.

So yep it's just me. And when I get sick, it's hard


I totally get it OP. I'm a single mom and it's just me. My kids dad is involved, but he lives 5 hours away, and while he takes all of his visitation (late once in 6 years - he's quite dedicated), but when I get sick everything goes out the window. It becomes PB&J for dinner, some fruit if he can get it himself, and he eats breakfast and lunch at school. Weekends that I'm sick, I do the bare minimum. Luckily my son is very sweet and usually doesn't mind feeding himself those times. He's 6, so I have to do a little work to make sure stuff is easy to get to, but he's pretty independent.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 16:59     Subject: Nasssitic dad
Anonymous wrote:He has changed the days he has her all the time due to his work schedule. When we were married I always did the heavy lifting in child rearing. He partied until 3am, bike 50 miles in Saturday mornings, traveled for work. Never around.

These days he uses his girlfriend as his backup. I have no one.

Being sick and needing rest doesn't require an apology. Not when he's taken advantage of my kindness for years and years. No more


The fact that he has changed plans to have your child because of work gives you a pass on this to me. He has changed the schedule for his convenience before, and you did it this time. Don't let him get under your skin.

At the same time, I would also look into finding a reliable babysitter for the future. You can get a college kid or person in their twenties for $15/hour off Sittercity or from job posting message boards at local colleges. You sound like you could use a break and you need someone to relieve you now and then; there's no shame in using a sitter. Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 16:10     Subject: Nasssitic dad
And thank you. I am trying to give her a great holiday season. The key to that is not being sick
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 16:09     Subject: Nasssitic dad
Sister lives in Boston, parents are old and are in Herndon, brother in Ashburn, x inlaws in CA. I have a couple if friends but they both have their own kids and drama. Everyone else parents of kids at school and don't befriend me as I'm not there all the time and being a divorcee, somehow makes people uncomfortable.

So yep it's just me. And when I get sick, it's hard
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 15:55     Subject: Nasssitic dad
Anonymous wrote:He has changed the days he has her all the time due to his work schedule. When we were married I always did the heavy lifting in child rearing. He partied until 3am, bike 50 miles in Saturday mornings, traveled for work. Never around.

These days he uses his girlfriend as his backup. I have no one.

Being sick and needing rest doesn't require an apology. Not when he's taken advantage of my kindness for years and years. No more


No one? Not friends, grandparents, ex-ILs?
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 15:54     Subject: Re:Nasssitic dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Today I am thankful that the mean people on this thread I don't know and are not "friends" with.

I post on DCUM looking for possible 1 other person that can understand how I'm feeling. Turns out I just get haters. Why DCUM, Why?? I just don't understand.

Anyhoo - This holiday season I vow to only live in the moment (except plan what gifts to buy my daughter for x-mas). And I've learned that the only way to deal with her dad is to create boundaries. And I will have to create them.



Yada, yada, yada. OP, if you are going to use a word, you should spell it correctly.

-1 million! PP, if you have nothing meaningful to add, STFU!

OP, try to stay strong and focus on your kid. Yes, men can be pigs, especially moronic arrogant Exes, but you have got to focus on giving your child the Happiest Holiday memories you can create so as to counteract EX's bad influence.
You can do it!
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 14:59     Subject: Nasssitic dad
And yes I frequently hear from my daughter, always after the fact, that his girlfriend picks my daughter up from school, fixed dinner, put her to bed. Because he had a work dinner or something more important.

Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 14:53     Subject: Nasssitic dad
He has changed the days he has her all the time due to his work schedule. When we were married I always did the heavy lifting in child rearing. He partied until 3am, bike 50 miles in Saturday mornings, traveled for work. Never around.

These days he uses his girlfriend as his backup. I have no one.

Being sick and needing rest doesn't require an apology. Not when he's taken advantage of my kindness for years and years. No more
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 14:48     Subject: Nasssitic dad
Question: Has your ex cancelled his plans to pick up your child at the last minute before due to sickness or some poorer excuse? If you have a history of making similar accommodations for him than this one off for you is certainly not a big deal.

But if he has been near-religious in keeping his commitments to pick ups and drop offs, then you might owe him an apology or a call offering to change one date with him for his convenience if he'd like.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 14:25     Subject: Nasssitic dad
True. I was expecting a bit of compassion because I'm sick and need to rest. I forced the issue and he got pissed. Par for the course. Happens every time.

Just wanted to give a window on what I deal with.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 14:00     Subject: Re:Nasssitic dad
To expect ME time from your EX is setting yourself up for more resentment. I think the question to ask is why you think EX would do anything extra for you now? ?

Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 13:25     Subject: Nasssitic dad
As a single mom, why why why is it a bad thing to need Me time? Especially when I don't have any extra person helping me.

I just really question why some look so down upon it. You can call me crazy all day but I know what I need, what I don't have time for, and what I need to do.

Set boundaries.

Because if I don't, my kindness is taken advantage of.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 13:22     Subject: Nasssitic dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op Here - Just a little window on the person I have to co--parent with.

I started a new job 6 weeks ago. Stressful job but pays good and thankfully I have a boss who understands what its like to be a single mom.

That said, I took my girl to NYC for thanksgiving weekend and she told me "You are better than toys r us!" Woot woot!

I finally get a bit of me time as she goes to her Dad's place on Wednesday. I got a cold.And it got worse. And worse. But I had a concert I had paid for months ago so I went last night. I'm so glad I did. However, I am still sick.

I woke up even more sick. I was due to get my daughter at 10:30am but I absolutely needed more rest to be able to do the GOTR 5k tomorrow morning with her.

I told him that and went back to bed. No sooner did I get chastized to do better and that I ruined his saturday plans.

Waaa! I've been flexible for that asshole for years and years and years, making sure everyone else was ok except for myself. He now needs to learn to be flexible. I don't plan to get sick.

Fact - starting a new job is stressful, trying to kick ass and still be an attentive mom as well. It's hard. And the stress showed up in my getting a nasty nasty cold.

Maybe I should've not gone to the concert last night. But it had been on my wish list for years so I pushed it and went. Maybe a poor choice.

However, when I see my daughter this afternoon, I think she will understand. I don't care what her dad thinks and I'm NOT going to let it ruin my day of selfcare.

He can suck it. I don't have a live in babysitter to help me out when I'm sick. I just don't. Hello co-parenting.

"You need to do better". No shit sherlock dad. Captain obvious is aware too. Fact - Change takes time for me to settle into. And that's what's happening now. And boy, he doesn't like it. It eeks into his precious me time.



Actually this tells me far more about you than it does about him.




Ah yes, I'm sorry. Taking a bit of Me time is NOT a bad thing. After years and years and years of holding everyone else up except me, its needed.

I am a great example for my daughter. She's growing up not feeling entitled and a kind hearted person.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2015 13:20     Subject: Nasssitic dad
Anonymous wrote:Please spell. Set an example for your children.


This. Mean DCUM peeps are just that. Mean, unhappy, trying to spoil another persons day.