Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:both my mom and MIL.....good lord, save me from them. Every decision has to be second guessed. God forbid we deviate in any way from the way our mothers raised us. Anything I say has to be one-upped. "Larla started swimming lessons this week since she turned 3." "I stated swimming lessons with you kids when you were 2."

I get this also. I think it's just a knee-jerk reaction they can't rein in. If I say the sky is blue they'll say "no, red" just to contradict me.

My five-year-old is the same way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not critical of my daughter's parenting. I don't offer advice unless it's asked for. But too often young people want "support" (whatever that means) for a decision that others don't agree with. If I don't share their point of view, I'm not going to applaud their choices. I show love and "support" by keeping my mouth shut. Young parents need to be secure enough to not need expressed approval.

There is a huge difference between silence and criticism. Most posters here are talking about open cririticism. I'd be delighted if my parents out a lid on it.

Yep. Keeping your mouth shut when you don't agree is exactly the meaning of "support." All the way shut, not dropping little passive aggressive comments around the edges.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not critical of my daughter's parenting. I don't offer advice unless it's asked for. But too often young people want "support" (whatever that means) for a decision that others don't agree with. If I don't share their point of view, I'm not going to applaud their choices. I show love and "support" by keeping my mouth shut. Young parents need to be secure enough to not need expressed approval.

There is a huge difference between silence and criticism. Most posters here are talking about open cririticism. I'd be delighted if my parents out a lid on it.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, at least mine do. Everything from choice of pediatrician to the tone of voice in which I speak to my child. And my parents don't see themselves in the least as critical.

So How do you deal?

I'm OP - I'm okay with some stuff. I know its hard to listen to him - he's going through a new phase. But I just wanted her to respect our choices and not just barge in there, without asking. The whole passive/aggressive article emailing is annoying, but I can ignore it, I hope. We've got all the inlaws at our place for T-day, so we'll see how this plays out.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not critical of my daughter's parenting. I don't offer advice unless it's asked for. But too often young people want "support" (whatever that means) for a decision that others don't agree with. If I don't share their point of view, I'm not going to applaud their choices. I show love and "support" by keeping my mouth shut. Young parents need to be secure enough to not need expressed approval.

Or, you could actually be supportive by saying something supportive like " parenting is tough, you are doing a great job. "

My mom, my mil, coworkers, strangers in the street. The second I looked pregnant I apparently became game for everyone spouting off advice. I just ignore, nod my head and smile, or say "we are following the advice of our pediatrician".

At some point you may find the humor in it. My personal favorites are tthe childless women at work who apparently have all the secrets to raising the perfect child.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but those who believe crying it out is wrong feel very strongly that it's emotionally abusive. Could you stand by and watch someone hit their baby? Well, your mom couldn't stand by and watch you do what she felt was the emotional equivalent.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not critical of my daughter's parenting. I don't offer advice unless it's asked for. But too often young people want "support" (whatever that means) for a decision that others don't agree with. If I don't share their point of view, I'm not going to applaud their choices. I show love and "support" by keeping my mouth shut. Young parents need to be secure enough to not need expressed approval.

Maybe that's true for your children, but I don't think that's true for me or for the vast majority of my peers.

I'm not critical of my daughter's parenting. I don't offer advice unless it's asked for. But too often young people want "support" (whatever that means) for a decision that others don't agree with. If I don't share their point of view, I'm not going to applaud their choices. I show love and "support" by keeping my mouth shut. Young parents need to be secure enough to not need expressed approval.

Sorry, OP, but those who believe crying it out is wrong feel very strongly that it's emotionally abusive. Could you stand by and watch someone hit their baby? Well, your mom couldn't stand by and watch you do what she felt was the emotional equivalent.

My mother criticized and second-guessed every single decision. I mean, everything. From big stuff like my working to minute things like my telling my daughter to only look at and not touch delicate porcelain items on a table. In that latter case she said in front of my daughter "so many rules!" Then took her out of my lap and said "Come here, poor sweetheart. Grandma will let you play" and put her hand on my aunt's porcelain whatever. That was every. Single. Interaction with her for years. I finally took her aside and said that when I'm present my rules apply. No second-guessing in front of my daughter. She said no, that she had an obligation to "do what's best" for "her" sweet baby. It turned into a fight. I told her she was welcome to be around us when she acknowledged that she is the grandparent, not the parent, and does not undermine my parenting in front of the child.

She said no. Explicitly no. Followed by an email about how she's the only person who knows how to parent. Bear in mind she was an awful parent. As In, all of my friends' parents felt bad for me and invited me for extended sleepovers to get away from her.

So when she finally said in no uncertain terms that she was the main authority we cut her off.

It wasn't my first choice but it was unavoidable. I have to say-- it feels great.

Oh yeah. My mom observed that my kids have terrible eating habits and watch too much TV. I was raised on salami and Star Trek.

I guess as you get older you forget.

Anonymous wrote:both my mom and MIL.....good lord, save me from them. Every decision has to be second guessed. God forbid we deviate in any way from the way our mothers raised us. Anything I say has to be one-upped. "Larla started swimming lessons this week since she turned 3." "I stated swimming lessons with you kids when you were 2."

I get this also. I think it's just a knee-jerk reaction they can't rein in. If I say the sky is blue they'll say "no, red" just to contradict me.

both my mom and MIL.....good lord, save me from them. Every decision has to be second guessed. God forbid we deviate in any way from the way our mothers raised us. Anything I say has to be one-upped. "Larla started swimming lessons this week since she turned 3." "I stated swimming lessons with you kids when you were 2."