Anonymous wrote:Do you really want to be away from your children for 40-50 hours per week and do the "commute, drop off, pickup, quick make dinner, bed bath rush in a couple hours before bedtime" scramble for 401 k funding?

I wouldn't be able to make it through the day knowing I was spending that time away from my kids for so little.

Maybe YOU would be a "scrambling" WOHM, but I'm not. Sorry, that's just not our reality. With planning and truly sharing all duties with my partner, we have a great routine that works for our family. I have two full hours with my daughter in the morning, and two and a half full hours with her at night; my husband has just slightly less than that with a longer commute. And those hours are pure fun and special, with no distractions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess the question is, is there ANY sacrifice you want to make to avoid having your kids in daycare 40-60 hours per week since birth?
I read all these justifications about retirement, vacation days, and a promotion and it all looks good on paper, but is there any value calculation to what your KIDS are losing?
Is the concept of sacrificing some money and a promotion for kids you chose to have really not a consideration at all?

Get a gripe. Until maybe 2 I get that the kid might be well off with mom or individualized care. Sometime around 2 they want to be around other kids and keeping them home with mom is stunting their social development.

Everything's a tradeoff. My parents had $0 for any of us to go to college. Would I have been better off in the long run if my mom had worked? Maybe. I don't remember 0-4, so who knows.

You just have to pick what you think is best for everyone long term. A lot of us also have family friendly jobs or are able to stagger with spouses so the kids aren't in daycare 40-60 hours a week. Our kiddo's hours in daycare were 9-4.

Anonymous wrote:I guess the question is, is there ANY sacrifice you want to make to avoid having your kids in daycare 40-60 hours per week since birth?
I read all these justifications about retirement, vacation days, and a promotion and it all looks good on paper, but is there any value calculation to what your KIDS are losing?
Is the concept of sacrificing some money and a promotion for kids you chose to have really not a consideration at all?

I worked 6-2:30.

My H worked 10-6. So my kids were with an aupair from 9-3... about 30 hours minus naps and preschool about 3-4 hours a day.

Also, since the aupair lived in, I did not have to wake the kids to get them to daycare.

Also, she was able to work on Saturday since she worked 30 hours per week and my H and I could go on a date every week.

Anonymous wrote:I guess the question is, is there ANY sacrifice you want to make to avoid having your kids in daycare 40-60 hours per week since birth?
I read all these justifications about retirement, vacation days, and a promotion and it all looks good on paper, but is there any value calculation to what your KIDS are losing?
Is the concept of sacrificing some money and a promotion for kids you chose to have really not a consideration at all?

Well, my brother and SIL sacrificed their together time (and a lot of their personal time) to avoid having their kids in daycare -- my SIL worked a split shift in customer service, 7-12 and then 6-9 pm. My brother worked 9-5, so the kids were only in day care from 9-12 each day. It was very stressful but better in the long run than being out of the workforce altogether.

Anonymous wrote:Do you really want to be away from your children for 40-50 hours per week and do the "commute, drop off, pickup, quick make dinner, bed bath rush in a couple hours before bedtime" scramble for 401 k funding?

I wouldn't be able to make it through the day knowing I was spending that time away from my kids for so little.

To each her own. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing that we weren't saving for college, retirement, etc. And it would have been an enormous amount of stress for my husband, as well, being the sole support for the family.

Anonymous wrote:I guess the question is, is there ANY sacrifice you want to make to avoid having your kids in daycare 40-60 hours per week since birth?
I read all these justifications about retirement, vacation days, and a promotion and it all looks good on paper, but is there any value calculation to what your KIDS are losing?
Is the concept of sacrificing some money and a promotion for kids you chose to have really not a consideration at all?

Get a gripe. Until maybe 2 I get that the kid might be well off with mom or individualized care. Sometime around 2 they want to be around other kids and keeping them home with mom is stunting their social development.

I guess the question is, is there ANY sacrifice you want to make to avoid having your kids in daycare 40-60 hours per week since birth?
I read all these justifications about retirement, vacation days, and a promotion and it all looks good on paper, but is there any value calculation to what your KIDS are losing?
Is the concept of sacrificing some money and a promotion for kids you chose to have really not a consideration at all?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another factor to consider is that your leave benefits are probably growing the longer you are with your company. I did SAH, loved it, and then had an easy time returning when youngest was in K but the most challenging aspect was not having much vacation time. If I'd stayed with my old employer for those 7 yrs I'd be getting at least a couple more weeks of vacation.

Would a couple weeks of vacation make it worthwhile to miss 40-50 hours a week with the kids?

That's not the only thing you would get by staying in the workforce. The retirement contribution, other benefits, opportunity for salary growth, greater seniority (which can lead to flexibility).... PP was just listing another positive of staying the workforce.

When we had our first child my husband was in his first year out of law school and clerking for about $40K a year, so his take home basically covered day care, his student loans, and the cost of working (gas/metro, getting his shirts done, etc.) I can't imagine anyone would have asked him if it was worthwhile to miss 40-50 hours a week with his newborn son, just to cover day care (my salary could have covered his loans).

I was promoted twice between the time my first child was born and when he started kindergarten, and my salary probably went up $40K over that period. My family would not be in the position we are in now--we paid off both our grad school loans, both cars and refinanced into a much cheaper mortgage--which allowed me to take a much less demanding job now that they have homework, after school activities, etc. -- if I hadn't toughed it out when they were little.

Just make sure you're maxing out your 401k and that your job earns a match. That alone is worth working. Over 20 plus years the 401k will be worth a lot and you'll have money for retirement. Plus you should have a good number of years without any daycare costs. Try and save while the kids are in elementary school and don't go private.

Daycare is a short term thing. Once the child gets older she/he will be in school. If you leave the job market now it will be hard to get employment later(the longer you are out of the job market, the hard it is to get back in).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you married/do you have a partner? Consider that it won't be your whole salary, you'll be splitting this cost with him/her. In other words, don't think of daycare as negating your salary; think of it as taking a big chunk out of your salary.

There are other benefits to consider: health care, 401K/retirement matches, additional employer benefits, continuity of employment, continuity of salary/potential raises, keeping your foot in the door to make it easier when it makes more financial sense to be working full-time...

Good list here. My job offers none of the ones mentioned here. Made it very easy to stay home. Was not going to miss out on any of it.

It is a good list. My job offers all of these and then some, plus it would be virtually impossible to get back into my field (scientific research) if I took time off. Continuing work was a no-brainer.

I'll add, too, that my parents are old enough so that I see first-hand the negative consequences of not saving enough for retirement. I am damn well not doing that to my kids, nor will I rely solely on my spouse to provide for me in my old age. Our jobs are flexible enough that are kids are in 30 hours of daycare per week, at an outstanding center. Worth every penny.

OP, do you like your job?

I decided to keep working. If I'm going to take 5 years off it will be when the kids are older, when I'm burnt out on work, and when my retirement funds grow themselves. But I prefer kids once they can talk, so didn't really feel like I was missing out.

Anonymous wrote:Are you married/do you have a partner? Consider that it won't be your whole salary, you'll be splitting this cost with him/her. In other words, don't think of daycare as negating your salary; think of it as taking a big chunk out of your salary.

There are other benefits to consider: health care, 401K/retirement matches, additional employer benefits, continuity of employment, continuity of salary/potential raises, keeping your foot in the door to make it easier when it makes more financial sense to be working full-time...

Good list here. My job offers none of the ones mentioned here. Made it very easy to stay home. Was not going to miss out on any of it.

Anonymous wrote:I quit and SAH and have no regrets. (I'm back working FT now that they're in school). Financially I'd probably be further ahead if I'd stayed at work. But life is more than finances, and we're doing okay.

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