Anonymous
11/18/2015 02:57
Subject: What if my DH finds out?
In today's day and age, I cannot imagine a man faulting you for having three previous suitors. I mean, I am sure he has had relationships as well.
And you are not obligated to disclose any past information to him. Unless you are Charlie Sheen.
Oops. Sorry.
And you are not obligated to disclose any past information to him. Unless you are Charlie Sheen.
Oops. Sorry.
Anonymous
11/17/2015 21:52
Subject: What if my DH finds out?
OP,
Just deny. And be dismissive of the person if it comes out and call her a liar.
Just deny. And be dismissive of the person if it comes out and call her a liar.
Anonymous
11/17/2015 21:07
Subject: What if my DH finds out?
OMG TROLL TROLL TROLL
Anonymous
11/17/2015 21:00
Subject: Re:What if my DH finds out?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How would he find out??? Especially if it is a sin in your country I am guessing it was very secretive and therefore no one knows.
This sounds crazy but one of my ex boyfriend's current GF contacted me and said that he is still in love with me after so many years. So, she wanted to talk to me and see my pic to find out how I look, talk etc?
This may sound like a troll but its not. I spent the few days after she contacted me in depression and had suicidal thots. My worry is what if my ex BF tried to contact me
Deny, deny, deny. Don't engage with this woman. Tell her you have no idea what she's talking about. If she goes to your husband with info tell him she's psycho and she was jealous of you when you were young.
You did't do anything wrong, but your husband may not be understanding.
Also, if you have a daughter and are raising her in the US she'll probably lose her virginity before getting married. Please protect her against your husband.
Finally, a pragmatic person. Lying is the right thing to do in defense of life and welfare. Educated Arab women are just about the best liars are know, and they cover all the angles and if need be can get documentation. It is needed for survival.
For all those who thinks OP is a troll, you are wrong. I have been married more than two decades to my Arab DH, who BTW is Christian and has lived here for over 30 years. If i were raped, he would divorce me. This is better of course than being killed, which would be the traditional way of dealing. (In addition to the rapist in case you were wondering.)
So while I believe strongly in reporting rapes in general I would not do it in the case of myself or my daughter; in her case DH would simply disown her instead of killing her. So, yes, definitely, I would leave DH completely in the dark and lie about it if I had to.
Why stay married to someone like that? Assuming you married him out of cultural obligation?
WTF you are so messed up to even think like this!!
Anonymous
11/17/2015 20:39
Subject: What if my DH finds out?
Anonymous wrote:My biggest fear is that what if my DH founds out that I had 3 boyfriends before I got married to him? Please note that I come from a country where girls having BF before marriage is considered a sin
Anyone else in the same boat?
By "date" do you mean you had the sex with them?
Anonymous
11/17/2015 20:35
Subject: Re:What if my DH finds out?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How would he find out??? Especially if it is a sin in your country I am guessing it was very secretive and therefore no one knows.
This sounds crazy but one of my ex boyfriend's current GF contacted me and said that he is still in love with me after so many years. So, she wanted to talk to me and see my pic to find out how I look, talk etc?
This may sound like a troll but its not. I spent the few days after she contacted me in depression and had suicidal thots. My worry is what if my ex BF tried to contact me
Deny, deny, deny. Don't engage with this woman. Tell her you have no idea what she's talking about. If she goes to your husband with info tell him she's psycho and she was jealous of you when you were young.
You did't do anything wrong, but your husband may not be understanding.
Also, if you have a daughter and are raising her in the US she'll probably lose her virginity before getting married. Please protect her against your husband.
Finally, a pragmatic person. Lying is the right thing to do in defense of life and welfare. Educated Arab women are just about the best liars are know, and they cover all the angles and if need be can get documentation. It is needed for survival.
For all those who thinks OP is a troll, you are wrong. I have been married more than two decades to my Arab DH, who BTW is Christian and has lived here for over 30 years. If i were raped, he would divorce me. This is better of course than being killed, which would be the traditional way of dealing. (In addition to the rapist in case you were wondering.)
So while I believe strongly in reporting rapes in general I would not do it in the case of myself or my daughter; in her case DH would simply disown her instead of killing her. So, yes, definitely, I would leave DH completely in the dark and lie about it if I had to.
Why stay married to someone like that? Assuming you married him out of cultural obligation?
Anonymous
11/17/2015 20:23
Subject: Re:What if my DH finds out?
My guess is that you are from India. My suggestion for you is to try your best not to worry about it and put it in your past. The only way your husband could find out is if you tell him because of your all-consuming guilt, The solution? Don't feel guilty!!! You are fine, you have done wonderfully, and don't think that your ex boyfriends are something to feel guilty about. I realize that your culture tells you something different, but guess what!? Cultures don't always get it right.
Anonymous
11/17/2015 20:09
Subject: Re:What if my DH finds out?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How would he find out??? Especially if it is a sin in your country I am guessing it was very secretive and therefore no one knows.
This sounds crazy but one of my ex boyfriend's current GF contacted me and said that he is still in love with me after so many years. So, she wanted to talk to me and see my pic to find out how I look, talk etc?
This may sound like a troll but its not. I spent the few days after she contacted me in depression and had suicidal thots. My worry is what if my ex BF tried to contact me
Deny, deny, deny. Don't engage with this woman. Tell her you have no idea what she's talking about. If she goes to your husband with info tell him she's psycho and she was jealous of you when you were young.
You did't do anything wrong, but your husband may not be understanding.
Also, if you have a daughter and are raising her in the US she'll probably lose her virginity before getting married. Please protect her against your husband.
Finally, a pragmatic person. Lying is the right thing to do in defense of life and welfare. Educated Arab women are just about the best liars are know, and they cover all the angles and if need be can get documentation. It is needed for survival.
For all those who thinks OP is a troll, you are wrong. I have been married more than two decades to my Arab DH, who BTW is Christian and has lived here for over 30 years. If i were raped, he would divorce me. This is better of course than being killed, which would be the traditional way of dealing. (In addition to the rapist in case you were wondering.)
So while I believe strongly in reporting rapes in general I would not do it in the case of myself or my daughter; in her case DH would simply disown her instead of killing her. So, yes, definitely, I would leave DH completely in the dark and lie about it if I had to.
Anonymous
11/17/2015 19:50
Subject: Re:What if my DH finds out?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How would he find out??? Especially if it is a sin in your country I am guessing it was very secretive and therefore no one knows.
This sounds crazy but one of my ex boyfriend's current GF contacted me and said that he is still in love with me after so many years. So, she wanted to talk to me and see my pic to find out how I look, talk etc?
This may sound like a troll but its not. I spent the few days after she contacted me in depression and had suicidal thots. My worry is what if my ex BF tried to contact me
Deny, deny, deny. Don't engage with this woman. Tell her you have no idea what she's talking about. If she goes to your husband with info tell him she's psycho and she was jealous of you when you were young.
You did't do anything wrong, but your husband may not be understanding.
Also, if you have a daughter and are raising her in the US she'll probably lose her virginity before getting married. Please protect her against your husband.
Anonymous
11/17/2015 19:32
Subject: What if my DH finds out?
OP,
I believe you.
Don't worry though and deny everything to your DH. You can tell your DH any story and he will believe you.
Tell him that the men pursued you because they were under the impression that your father had lot of wealth. And that you were not interested.
Say that they were gay men and they were contemplating suicide and you intervened, and they used you as a cover (beard).
Do not talk to that lady again, and if she persists in calling assume that your phone is tapped and tell her that she is making up stuff as the man in question is gay.
I believe you.
Don't worry though and deny everything to your DH. You can tell your DH any story and he will believe you.
Tell him that the men pursued you because they were under the impression that your father had lot of wealth. And that you were not interested.
Say that they were gay men and they were contemplating suicide and you intervened, and they used you as a cover (beard).
Do not talk to that lady again, and if she persists in calling assume that your phone is tapped and tell her that she is making up stuff as the man in question is gay.
Anonymous
11/17/2015 19:23
Subject: What if my DH finds out?
OP you do not need to say which country you are from.
Anonymous
11/17/2015 19:22
Subject: Re:What if my DH finds out?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How would he find out??? Especially if it is a sin in your country I am guessing it was very secretive and therefore no one knows.
This sounds crazy but one of my ex boyfriend's current GF contacted me and said that he is still in love with me after so many years. So, she wanted to talk to me and see my pic to find out how I look, talk etc?
This may sound like a troll but its not. I spent the few days after she contacted me in depression and had suicidal thots. My worry is what if my ex BF tried to contact me
What did you say to his current GF? Did you tell her that you were not in love with him?
Anonymous
11/17/2015 17:13
Subject: Re:What if my DH finds out?
It's a troll because of the refusal to state the country (which would be easily disputed or corrected). Also....10 yrs and 2 kids later and still worried? Gimme a break.
I find it hard to believe anybody who is that traditional writes idiomatic American English. seems odd.
I find it hard to believe anybody who is that traditional writes idiomatic American English. seems odd.
Anonymous
11/17/2015 16:48
Subject: What if my DH finds out?
This is so obviously a troll. Don't feed the troll!
Anonymous
11/17/2015 16:45
Subject: What if my DH finds out?
Anonymous wrote:You live in this country. In THIS country, its common to date different people before marrying.
Or 54 of them in my wife's case.