Anonymous
Post 11/19/2015 11:02     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
11:00 here. I meant to add that Thsnksgiving is not like a normal dinner party. People like to bring food, and it makes them feel included. Wasn't that the whole point of the story of Thanksgiving??
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2015 11:00     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
OP, I like some of the PPs suggestions about just bringing what you want, explaining to MIL beforehand that you'd like to contribute it for emotional reasons, enjoying it, not worrying if nobody else has it, and getting your spouse's support. He or she could back-channel to MIL and point out that it's hard for you to miss your family and your family traditions.

Where would you have to travel to be near your family? Your MIL is being shortsighted, because if you don't feel welcome you could decide that you, your spouse, and any kids you might have are going to spend Tday with your family and not with her.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2015 10:59     Subject: Re:Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Anonymous wrote:OP, when you are having dinner at someone's house, you should respect their wishes in terms of bringing food. I find it really odd that you insist on red wine and canned cranberries, when you are a guest at someone else's house. Please just be gracious of the food you are served, even if it isn't what you are used to.


Agreed. I also agree with the PP that it's rude to bring food to a dinner party (even if Thanksgiving) when you are told not to, and even more petulant to then be mad that it wasn't served. They didn't want you to bring it! They are under no obligation to serve it at their house for dinner.

On the other hand, the in-laws are also being rude about their obvious disdain for your food. Dysfunction all around!
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2015 10:50     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Anonymous wrote:Here's a thought--I know this is crazy--TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL. Call your MIL and tell her, "It's so nice and generous of you to host, but after 10 years of doing Thanksgiving with your family, I really miss some of my family's dishes and traditions. Can you help me feel more included and more comfortable by allowing me to bring red wine and cranberry sauce, even if no one else eats it?"

GASP! Direct communication...something most DCUMmers are unfamiliar with...


Because martyrs like to be martyrs and doormats like to be doormats. So why would a adult talk in a straightforward manner to another adult? Because then the problem might get solved, and they wouldn't have anything to be dramatic/bitch about.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2015 10:10     Subject: Re:Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Anonymous wrote:Your in laws are incredibly rude. The comment about "it isn't part of our family tradition" really got me. The next time someone says that I'd sweetly reply "well, I'm a part of this family and it is a tradition I grew up with. Its a recipe my great, great grandma brought when she immigrated to the US. It was the one piece of home she could create here. Over the years, each generation has tweaked it slightly, so it is a kind of living family legacy and tradition. Isn't it great how traditions grow and adapt over time!?!" I exaggerate, but you get the idea. Nobody was ever harmed by an extra dish at Thanksgiving. If nobody else eats it, more left overs for you, and more of all the other stuff for those to rude to try your dish.



Her great, great. Great grandma didn't even know about Thanksgiving (as celebrated in the US) until she arrived here. So, How did she being this Thanksgiving memory with her?
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2015 10:06     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Yes, you are being rude. She is the hostess and this is not a pot luck dinner. Have your own Thanksgiving special dishes at your house to eat on Friday. Better still, have Thanksgiving at your house and visit family on Friday.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2015 13:23     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Anonymous wrote:How about...
Would you mind if I brought my favorite "xxxxxx" dish? I know you probably have plenty of food planned but it is not Thanksgiving to me without this childhood favorite of mine.



+1
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2015 13:20     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Here's a thought--I know this is crazy--TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL. Call your MIL and tell her, "It's so nice and generous of you to host, but after 10 years of doing Thanksgiving with your family, I really miss some of my family's dishes and traditions. Can you help me feel more included and more comfortable by allowing me to bring red wine and cranberry sauce, even if no one else eats it?"

GASP! Direct communication...something most DCUMmers are unfamiliar with...
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2015 11:44     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I mean in general about bringing dishes (the cranberries were just a thought this year). Every year I try different things and no one is interested. Or tells me that it's not part of their family tradition to eat that.


They sound incredibly rude, OP. You are being generous and in the t-day spirit. They are not.


+1

My IL's are the same way. "How dare I introduce CHANGE - in any way, shape, or form". They are as odd as they sound.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2015 11:17     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Anonymous wrote:So yes, I think you SHOULD be able to bring something you love. But I also think it's been made pretty clear that at this gathering, no one is interested. That sucks, but I wouldn't try to rock the boat for canned cranberry sauce.

The wine I would definitely push back on. "I much prefer red to white, I'll open it myself, thanks!". And go open the bottle you brought. If you think they'd hide the opener from you or something, bring a bottle with a twist off lid.


+1 And I'd buy myself some canned cranberry sauce to have later with leftover turkey.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2015 11:12     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
So yes, I think you SHOULD be able to bring something you love. But I also think it's been made pretty clear that at this gathering, no one is interested. That sucks, but I wouldn't try to rock the boat for canned cranberry sauce.

The wine I would definitely push back on. "I much prefer red to white, I'll open it myself, thanks!". And go open the bottle you brought. If you think they'd hide the opener from you or something, bring a bottle with a twist off lid.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2015 11:05     Subject: Re:Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
OP, when you are having dinner at someone's house, you should respect their wishes in terms of bringing food. I find it really odd that you insist on red wine and canned cranberries, when you are a guest at someone else's house. Please just be gracious of the food you are served, even if it isn't what you are used to.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2015 10:55     Subject: Re:Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Your in laws are incredibly rude. The comment about "it isn't part of our family tradition" really got me. The next time someone says that I'd sweetly reply "well, I'm a part of this family and it is a tradition I grew up with. Its a recipe my great, great grandma brought when she immigrated to the US. It was the one piece of home she could create here. Over the years, each generation has tweaked it slightly, so it is a kind of living family legacy and tradition. Isn't it great how traditions grow and adapt over time!?!" I exaggerate, but you get the idea. Nobody was ever harmed by an extra dish at Thanksgiving. If nobody else eats it, more left overs for you, and more of all the other stuff for those to rude to try your dish.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2015 10:51     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
This thread is making me very grateful for my family! If it will make you happy and you can provide it..of course you should! I will be happy to try it. Maybe we will love it and make it part of our tradition too..or not but of course you should bring it.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2015 10:47     Subject: Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas
Definitely bring red wine.

As for various dishes, they may have their family favorites and aren't interested in trying something different. I wouldn't expect anyone else to try them. But if they are important to you, bring a small serving dish of whatever and go nuts.