Anonymous wrote:Yes. Not happy.

He schlepped thru his career, switched careers and sort of hit restart when we got married - like started back at THE BOTTOM. We were mid-30s.

So now, 5 years later, he's working 70+ hours a week trying to get ahead with his career. Now, mid-life, he's doing what he should've been doing 15+ years ago. And it's killing our marriage. He's never home. Never helps with anything or does anything. I take the responsibility for all childcare, like drop offs, pick ups, dinners, lunches, hanging out, extracurriculars, etc.

I also pay the bills, clean the house, do all the shopping, all the yard work, car maintenance stuff. Really everything. Plus I work fulltime. Ok, sometimes he puts DD in the bath. And he drops her off at school once a week (not the pick up though). But that is IT. and I hate our marriage for it. I wish we never had kids at least. Then at least I could have some semblance of a life other than caretaking for DH and DD.

Anonymous wrote:This alpha/beta stuff is pick up artist shorthand. The definitions vary, but I think Athol Kay had some useful thoughts on the subject.
http://marriedmansexlife.com/take-the-red-pill/alpha-and-beta-male-traits/

"The Alpha Traits are those associated with classic “manly man” strengths. Power, dominance, physical ability, bravery, wealth, cool and confidence. Oh and good genes. These are the things that attract women and turn them on sexually. The Alpha Traits are linked to the dopamine response in women.
. . .
The Beta Traits are those associated with the strengths of being a nice guy / “family man”. Kindness, being a good listener, the ability to help with the children, dependability, thoughtfulness, compassion and patience. These all create a sense of comfort and safety for the woman, and relax her because she feels that if she became pregnant, the Beta Trait male isn’t going to abandon her and the baby."

His general idea is that a long term relationship needs a good mix of both. The "alpha" traits tend to be the ones that lend themselves to dopamine and sexual excitement. The "beta" traits tend to lend themselves to oxytocin and nonsexual bonding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is somewhat beta in that he (like PP) prioritized family time and quality of life over climbing the ladder at work and making a lot of money. He is very bright and went to good law schools but chose to leave a law firm where he had higher income potential (but also had to work long hours and bring in business, which he has no appetite for) to become a fed. He loves the regular hours, free weekends, etc but he is still challenged in his work and has stimulating projects.

BUT - he's not bringing home the dough, nor am I. We live a solidly middle class life and he's able to spend a good amount of time with me and the kids. Neither of us prioritize material things like fancy cars, updated house, etc but we are comfortable. Neither of us are particularly ambitious.

So in this sense, we are both betas. But DH isn't a slacker; he does work hard, is intellectually curious and isn't at all lazy. I respect him a great deal.

So yes, I married a beta but I'm still happy. He's not the sort to toss me over his shoulder and carry me in the bedroom, and I do miss that a bit, but if I worked up the nerve to tell him that, he would be willing to give it a try.

Took you long enough to get to the point.

If that's what you got out of the PP's post, you have utterly missed the point.

My point is that none of what she wrote previous to that makes him beta. But from what I read, she seems to think he's a beta in the bedroom which makes him a beta in life. That's what I got out of it.

Mind you, I think the whole alpha/beta thing is nonsense. We aren't pack animals and in pack behavior, the beta is not a slacker, he's the next in line male just waiting for the alpha to show a sign of weakness. He's the next alpha. You people parrot this nonsense about alphas and betas without any real understanding. There's also quite a bit of conflating ambition and high income jobs with a dominant personality. Successful people are not always dominant and dominant people are not always successful. And neither of these have any automatic correlation with behavior in the bedroom.

+1000

Well said, and extremely wise - and accurate!

Yup. As a woman in business I easily steamroll quite a few dominant men on a daily basis. I hardly ever lose. If I don't crush them head on, I'll change tactics and operate behind the scenes to get what I want. Tactic 2 is my forte.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who is not and does not represent himself to be one half of a meaningless and trite binary.

Smoking hot.

I don't know what this means?

I think she likes that her husband doesn't worry about alpha/beta stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who is not and does not represent himself to be one half of a meaningless and trite binary.

Smoking hot.

I don't know what this means?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is somewhat beta in that he (like PP) prioritized family time and quality of life over climbing the ladder at work and making a lot of money. He is very bright and went to good law schools but chose to leave a law firm where he had higher income potential (but also had to work long hours and bring in business, which he has no appetite for) to become a fed. He loves the regular hours, free weekends, etc but he is still challenged in his work and has stimulating projects.

BUT - he's not bringing home the dough, nor am I. We live a solidly middle class life and he's able to spend a good amount of time with me and the kids. Neither of us prioritize material things like fancy cars, updated house, etc but we are comfortable. Neither of us are particularly ambitious.

So in this sense, we are both betas. But DH isn't a slacker; he does work hard, is intellectually curious and isn't at all lazy. I respect him a great deal.

So yes, I married a beta but I'm still happy. He's not the sort to toss me over his shoulder and carry me in the bedroom, and I do miss that a bit, but if I worked up the nerve to tell him that, he would be willing to give it a try.

Took you long enough to get to the point.

If that's what you got out of the PP's post, you have utterly missed the point.

My point is that none of what she wrote previous to that makes him beta. But from what I read, she seems to think he's a beta in the bedroom which makes him a beta in life. That's what I got out of it.

Mind you, I think the whole alpha/beta thing is nonsense. We aren't pack animals and in pack behavior, the beta is not a slacker, he's the next in line male just waiting for the alpha to show a sign of weakness. He's the next alpha. You people parrot this nonsense about alphas and betas without any real understanding. There's also quite a bit of conflating ambition and high income jobs with a dominant personality. Successful people are not always dominant and dominant people are not always successful. And neither of these have any automatic correlation with behavior in the bedroom.

+1000

Well said, and extremely wise - and accurate!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is somewhat beta in that he (like PP) prioritized family time and quality of life over climbing the ladder at work and making a lot of money. He is very bright and went to good law schools but chose to leave a law firm where he had higher income potential (but also had to work long hours and bring in business, which he has no appetite for) to become a fed. He loves the regular hours, free weekends, etc but he is still challenged in his work and has stimulating projects.

BUT - he's not bringing home the dough, nor am I. We live a solidly middle class life and he's able to spend a good amount of time with me and the kids. Neither of us prioritize material things like fancy cars, updated house, etc but we are comfortable. Neither of us are particularly ambitious.

So in this sense, we are both betas. But DH isn't a slacker; he does work hard, is intellectually curious and isn't at all lazy. I respect him a great deal.

So yes, I married a beta but I'm still happy. He's not the sort to toss me over his shoulder and carry me in the bedroom, and I do miss that a bit, but if I worked up the nerve to tell him that, he would be willing to give it a try.

Took you long enough to get to the point.

If that's what you got out of the PP's post, you have utterly missed the point.

My point is that none of what she wrote previous to that makes him beta. But from what I read, she seems to think he's a beta in the bedroom which makes him a beta in life. That's what I got out of it.

Mind you, I think the whole alpha/beta thing is nonsense. We aren't pack animals and in pack behavior, the beta is not a slacker, he's the next in line male just waiting for the alpha to show a sign of weakness. He's the next alpha. You people parrot this nonsense about alphas and betas without any real understanding. There's also quite a bit of conflating ambition and high income jobs with a dominant personality. Successful people are not always dominant and dominant people are not always successful. And neither of these have any automatic correlation with behavior in the bedroom.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is kind, cheerful and laid back. He loves to laugh and gets along well with most people. He is also a devoted father and husband.

However, he is also very dedicated to his job and is successful in a demanding, competitive field. I don't know if that makes him an alpha or a beta. Whichever, it seems to be working for us. We just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who is not and does not represent himself to be one half of a meaningless and trite binary.

Smoking hot.

I don't know what this means?

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who is not and does not represent himself to be one half of a meaningless and trite binary.

Smoking hot.