If my parents asked this, I would decline for the whole family. I can not imagine what I would do if my husband had gone along with this request - thankfully all the ILs in my get that family means you don't get to pick & choose. This is completely unacceptable. I'd tell him that he's free to do as he pleases, but the kids aren't pieces in a game of chess. If his parents want to play games, that's no reason for your kids to have a change in plans. They'll continue with their Thanksgiving plans as is, ie - at your parents, and that all of you, as a family, will be at the ILs for Christmas. I'd be pleasant as pie so they can feel super awkward and embarrassed at Christmas too.

Your husband's behavior make me think he is the one who doesn't like you. I'm not saying that to be harsh. It just sounds like he's preparing for separate lives.

He's also an asshole.

Anonymous wrote:Why can't he takes the kids with him? The kids are his too. Be flexible. It's not the end of the world.

Did you read the OP's post? Esp "He [husband] finally admits that his father requested that he come with the kids alone because the rest of the family doesn't like me.

It's one thing if she were his ex-wife who he wanted to invite to the family holiday, but she's his wife and mother of his children. It seems callous and cruel to purposefully exclude her- and what kind of message does it send to the kids?

Anonymous wrote:Why don't they like you?

Probably because her asshole husband badmouths her to them.

Why can't he takes the kids with him? The kids are his too. Be flexible. It's not the end of the world.

The rest of the family doesn't like you or they do. I'm getting a mixed message.

Really? Honestly, who cares? I don't particularly like spending time with my MIL and I am sure she doesn't really want me around. I get that completely. My husband doesn't really want to spend time with my family. I can't say I would agree to every holiday separately, but I can see agreeing to it in this circumstance. I would find it a relief if my husband would do holidays with his mother without me.

How old are your kids? They will want to spend the holiday with both parents. Your FIL is out of line and out of luck. Your husband can visit him with the kids another time.

Sure he could go alone.


And would be served with divorce papers shortly thereafter.

No, no, no you cannot be told you are not invited to spend Thanksgiving with your family. If he's insistant that he go without you (which is crazy) you should take the kids to your parents place.

I'm eternally grateful that my husband always sides with me (over the in-laws.) It doesn't matter if we disagree over something, we've decided it's important that we present a united front to them (and to my parents.) We hash it out on our own later. Please explain to your husband the importance of being a united partnership. Sending you the best throughout the holidays and beyond.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I just wanted to say it's not my husband's parents that are the problem, just his dad (his parents are divorced). His mother and her family have never treated me like this. Hell, they invite me to events before my husband.

Then stick with them, and to helll with the dad.

But you and your husband need to get on the same page about your family life.

Your husband sounds like he was a victim of emotional abuse growing up and doesn't know how to create healthy boundaries.

High time your husband grew a pair.

Wtf. This can't be real. Or I am so damn crazy, because I would have half moved out if my husband pulled this shit.

Anonymous wrote:W. T. F.

Marriage counseling, stat. His parents are not the problem. The fact that his response to their saying "don't bring your wife" was "now I will try and trick my wife into not coming and pretend that I'm doing her a favor" is the problem.

+1

No way. I can't imagine splitting up during the holidays to appease our extended families. Our priority is each other and our children. We enjoy spending time with both sides of our family but we do that together.