I don't have any advice to offer on discussing failed IVFs, but for what it's worth, when my one and only IVF cycle produced a healthy baby, I decided to be very open with people in my life about how she came about. I mention it very routinely. I don't want people who go through IVF to feel any stigma, and I feel that the more IVF babies people know, the more normal this will become, and people who go through this will not be thought of as weird, desperate or freakish. The bonus was that I found out that kids of my three friends have been IVF babies.

I've done three failed IVF cycles and am generally glad I've told people. I've told a lot of friends and my mom. No other family and no one from work. Some of the friends have said really insensitive things, but some have been amazingly supportive when I've REALLY needed it. It also just gets very hard to feel connected to friends and family who don't know what you're going through, so I've been glad people know. Good luck!

I told about my IVFs to a bunch of colleagues (cum friends) at work. I told because I have taking time offs all the time. My RE is in NJ. At some point the discussion came up about adoption or donor egg. I said I would probably use donor egg at some point. Early this year I miscarried in my 8th IVF cycle. My colleague asked me if it was a donor egg cycle. I was freaked out. How does it matter? The fact I miscarried is extremely sad and doesn't matter if it was OE or DE. Moral of the story - Do not tell anyone if you think you will be in the infertility business for long. I have been doing treatments for many years now and thankful that I haven't told a whole lot of people.

Anonymous wrote:yes and there were the intrusive "did you use a donor? huh? huh?" questions. really people it is not your business!

Ha, I bet this is why a lot of those "and then my friend stopped trying and it just happened" stories exist. No, your friend didn't stop trying, they just decided your dumbass wasn't privy to such intimate details anymore.

yes and there were the intrusive "did you use a donor? huh? huh?" questions. really people it is not your business!

It unfortunately took us 8 years (sorry bad news!) and in the process uncovered some health issues. We looked perfectly healthy and glowing as we were attractive and athletic. I had 4 miscarriages. Friends would tell me "... just adopt" and what they meant was STFU. Adoption was not for us -- I learned that along the way. There were several friends I never told -- that became a relief as the years rolled on.
When I finally did get pregnant, I was a nervous wreck and thankful that the internet support group existed. I could rant and rave all day long and never involve my friends. My IRL friends were just *shocked* when I told them I was 20 weeks along. Why didn't I tell them sooner? Fear of problems. I had preterm labor also. Of course I thought I would lose the baby.
If you have a short time in infertility, and a high tolerance for insensitive remarks, go ahead and tell the world. Otherwise get ready for a lot of ignorant advice.

I told my closest friends, my sister, and my mom. The support has been wonderful, although I do get tired of people asking for updates. I try to remind myself that they're just asking because they care and want to support me. On a practical level, it was definitely a good thing that my friends knew for my most recent cycle, when I needed one of them to do the trigger shot for me!

I've told my two best friends. No family. Will not tell anyone else until around 14 weeks (if it ever happens)

I told people during my first ivf and regretted it when it failed. I didn't want any pity or for people to feel sorry for me. Didn't tell anyone the next few cycles and it made the whole process more relaxed and less stressful, and it worked out.