Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father's wife has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma, your father has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma Larla, and you think that the person/people whose preferences should be honored are the grandchildren? Why?

My MIL asked me to call her mom and I said NO.
I decide who I call mom or grandma

Fall hard in life

The wife of grandfather is grandmother. Just like the wife of uncle is aunty. Now, she is not asking to be called "Favorite relative". She is asking to be called the name of her relationship by marriage.

I am with the grandmother on this one.

Anonymous wrote:Your father's wife has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma, your father has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma Larla, and you think that the person/people whose preferences should be honored are the grandchildren? Why?

My MIL asked me to call her mom and I said NO.
I decide who I call mom or grandma

I think both the posters who are saying she's trying to force the issue and the ones saying that the kids are digging in about calling her something other than Mrs. X are correct. Middle schoolers are totally old enough to know what they are doing with this situation-BUT even though they're being kind of bratty doesn't mean they need to call her grandma. A compromise should be reached, on both sides.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father's wife has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma, your father has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma Larla, and you think that the person/people whose preferences should be honored are the grandchildren? Why?

I do too and I am not OP. I am a mother, stepmother and stepchild. The kids are not using a term that is disrespectful.However, The new wife is asking the kids to use a term that is indicative of a relationship that they have not forged, and never will if she keeps pushing this bulls***. If she does not have enough sense to respect the wishes of the kids, to understand that relationships take time and growth and that the use of the term "grandma" should be organic and not forced...well, then...I don't know what to say except she needs to grow up.

+1. Yes, the grandchildren's preference matters. I am just so sick of divorced and remarried people expecting everyone else to play "big happy family" at their command. Respect is earned.

If she really cared about the children she wouldn't want to force them to use a term they find uncomfortable.

+2

I think you just need to come up with something other than "Mrs." and she will be fine. It must be hard to feel like you are part of the family when people are using such a formal title.

If this is your only problem with her, consider yourself blessed.

Is your dad's wife childless herself? That's the only possible reason for which I would sympathize with her on this one.

While insisting on grandma might be overstepping- only OP can know that context- I think that tweens that are digging in super hard about something like this and going witht he very formal Mrs. X are doing it to be mean on some level, or obstinate, and not because they have complicated and delicate sensibilities on honorific titles. That's coming from somewhere so I feel like there is more to this story

I acquired a step-grandmother when I was 12. I already had a Nana, a Grandma and a great grandma we called Mimi. I called this new lady by her first name, Claire, and the grandchildren that came along after that called her Grandma Claire.

If a traditional grandmother nickname seems hard now, then I too suggest a nickname or her first name. Saying "Papa and Mrs. Jones" sounds horribly stilted. "Papa and Bonnie" or "Grandpa and Shirley" is at least warmer and sounds as if you have attempted to welcome her. "Mrs. Jones" sounds like a name reserved for a teacher. I would not use a name already in use for another grandparent though.

What the hell is wrong with this woman?
Suggest a nickname compromise.
If that's not good enough tell your dad and Mrs. Smith to sit and spin.

what about something like "aunt firstname"

How about a nickname like Mimi or Bibbi or something?

"Dad, the surest way to make the kids resent Larla is to insist that they call her by a name that suggests a closeness they don't feel. If you think 'Mrs Heezboller" is too formal, they can call her Larla. Or the two of you can show some patience and not get hung up on the name."

Really, your father and new wife are extremely rude to be pushing this point. Don't they realize that deep connections take time? They can't just barge in and expect the grandchildren to embrace a newcomer.

I'm sure that the grandchildren will be calling the new wife Grandma in no time, PARTICULARLY if she's kind and doesn't expect everybody to kow-tow.

You should say those thing to your father.