DH and I are mid-30s and have similar take-home as you without the bonus and with a lower mortgage and almost double the childcare costs, and we've got about double your retirement (about $500K) and $50K in 529s. If you've got $5k leftover every month, you need to be allocating more to retirement. Your emergency fund sounds okay, though.

I do think you underestimated costs on your budget. Are you using a tracking program?

My DH and I are in our mid-40s and have a similar take-home amount ($13,500 per month). Good for you for having that (and $200K in retirement) at your young age.

Our kids are older (6, 10, 13) and we spend about $1500/month on activities (tutoring, tennis, piano, swim team, ballet, gymnastics, etc).

Also, we spend about $600/month on travel/vacations.

So we have a small not-great house.