Anonymous
Post 11/05/2015 22:57     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
Anonymous wrote:I'm in recovery. Just ask him how he feels and accept his answer. I find it more uncomfortable and awkward when people treat alcohol differently than they normally would just because I'm there. It's an effort to be respectful, I get it, but it's not like I can't be at the same table with alcohol.


+1

I'm in recovery, too, and have been sober a little over two years. I would ask out of respect for him, particularly since you said you are close, and truly accept his answer. I don't keep alcohol in house, but have absolutely no problem with people drinking it here. I sometimes will even buy a bottle of wine for BF who drinks normally. I really hate feeling like people alter their behavior to "tiptoe around the alcoholic." HOWEVER, I will have others open the alcohol, will not serve it myself (pour, top off), and prefer that any alcohol be taken or poured out when they leave. It's not that I am not solid in my sobriety but I just make it a point to minimize any and all triggers, always, as part of my personal recovery. Hell, I even went to Oktoberfest in Munich last year and was the only person in a group of 40 who didn't drink, had a blast, and was not at all tempted and only felt sorry for myself when I realized that a diet coke there was more than a beer. Ha!

Everyone is different. Good for you for considering his feelings. That's honestly what matters more than anything else.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2015 21:38     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
No way OP is just an "occasional" drinker.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2015 21:37     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
I think it is weird to bring wine if you know nobody else is going to be drinking it. Are you going to bring it home? That is weird too.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2015 21:07     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
I have been in this same situation before and chose not to bring the wine. And I LIKE my wine. Let this thanksgiving go. But enjoy your wine any other night that week!
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2015 20:56     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
I have a cousin who has been in drug and alcohol recovery for about 10 years. She does okay with alcohol in settings like weddings or holiday dinners because it's not being shoved right in her face. My glass may have alcohol in it, hers may have soda. No big deal. She married another recovering addict and therefore had tons of others recovering at her wedding. They still had an open bar. Her philosophy is that addicts have to learn to control themselves and let go of controlling the world around them.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2015 14:32     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
If he acknowledges that he is an alcoholic, ask him.
If he is in denial (like two of my family members), leave it at home.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2015 14:31     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Let me start by saying that just because I enjoy a nice wine on occasion in no way makes me an alcoholic or someone who has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. That is such a wild leap some of you are making. That is also why I clarified at the beginning that I don't drink regularly and never in excess.

As for Thanksgiving dinner, a nice Pinot is my cranberry sauce. It accompanies the turkey nicely and is just as important as the potatoes or desert. It one of your family members had an unhealthy relationship with sugar, would you skip desert? Also, just because my family doesn't enjoy wine, my grandmother used to but not at her age with her medications, shouldn't have any bearing on what I choose to drink. There will be five, maybe six of us, so it's not like there are a lot of people not drinking. My partner doesn't drink wine either, but I still open a bottle on occasion.

As for my uncle, I want to be supportive of his sobriety and I want to be respectful to him. He is recently sober, again, and seems to be doing well. He has never been a wine drinker and it is not like there is some big party with alcohol flowing, so I'm not sure that my one glass of wine would be a trigger for him.




I posted before saying it depends on how long he's been sober. Your analogies demonstrate that you know nothing about addiction. Bringing alcohol into a man's house when he has recently been struggling with a relapse and his recovery is breathtakingly insensitive. Just don't bring it. I completely understand that your pinot goes great with the turkey. Awesome. Have some with leftovers at home. We don't keep alcohol in the house anymore because my husband is in recovery. I really miss having a glass of wine with dinner sometimes, so I get it. But insisting on having that wine with this ONE dinner this ONE night is really just selfish.



It's not because you enjoy wine on occasion. It's because you would rather be insensitive and unhelpful to your uncle's struggle than abstain from alcohol for a few hours. If wine is really so important that it trumps caring and courtesy, then you might have a problem.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2015 14:00     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
I would not bring it. The idea is to bring things your host and family would enjoy as well. Drink your wine with your leftovers or make another meal yourself the next day. My in-laws do not drink for religious reasons and even at our house I don't drink around them because its RUDE. Abstain for a day, its doable.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2015 13:55     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Let me start by saying that just because I enjoy a nice wine on occasion in no way makes me an alcoholic or someone who has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. That is such a wild leap some of you are making. That is also why I clarified at the beginning that I don't drink regularly and never in excess.

As for Thanksgiving dinner, a nice Pinot is my cranberry sauce. It accompanies the turkey nicely and is just as important as the potatoes or desert. It one of your family members had an unhealthy relationship with sugar, would you skip desert? Also, just because my family doesn't enjoy wine, my grandmother used to but not at her age with her medications, shouldn't have any bearing on what I choose to drink. There will be five, maybe six of us, so it's not like there are a lot of people not drinking. My partner doesn't drink wine either, but I still open a bottle on occasion.

As for my uncle, I want to be supportive of his sobriety and I want to be respectful to him. He is recently sober, again, and seems to be doing well. He has never been a wine drinker and it is not like there is some big party with alcohol flowing, so I'm not sure that my one glass of wine would be a trigger for him.




I posted before saying it depends on how long he's been sober. Your analogies demonstrate that you know nothing about addiction. Bringing alcohol into a man's house when he has recently been struggling with a relapse and his recovery is breathtakingly insensitive. Just don't bring it. I completely understand that your pinot goes great with the turkey. Awesome. Have some with leftovers at home. We don't keep alcohol in the house anymore because my husband is in recovery. I really miss having a glass of wine with dinner sometimes, so I get it. But insisting on having that wine with this ONE dinner this ONE night is really just selfish.

Anonymous
Post 11/04/2015 21:23     Subject: Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic
Another vote for not bringing a bottle just for yourself. Even if you didn't have the recovering uncle, I'd still vote don't bring a bottle for your lonesome consumption. Come on!