Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've described my family to a T. I don't get why it bothers you so much. If they are around when you visit, you see them. If they are not around, then we don't see them on that visit. But, just because one or another of my siblings isn't around during a visit doesn't mean we cut them off.

The point of the visit is half to see them, half to see my husband's parents. We'd love to jet off to Hawaii or wherever too but we make sacrifices to see family.

Then jet off to Hawaii and stop bitching because other people do what they want to do and you do not.
Why all the angst when you evidently see these people a few times a year? Honest to goodness, if you bring this much stress your family may not feel as close to you as you think all these visits make you. Relationships are based on the quality of the 'relating', not the quantity of visits you can foist on people. Take a chill.

Yes, I'm frustrated by that situation. I get it. Has there never been anything in your life that's frustrated you?

OMG - YES. And sometimes it takes someone outside of my situation to point out that my frustration is of my own making. I understand, you live far away from your family and you want to ensure that the closeness you share continues and that your kids can bond with their cousins. I totally get that. What I think you are missing is that visiting people umpteen times doesn't necessarily guarantee the closeness that you seek. It's great when everyone can be on the same page about who will visit whom and when. But each side also has to be understanding that the other party may not like to travel as much, may have limited vacation time and would prefer a resort vacation sometimes and not a "family visit". Those differences have zero to do with their love and care for you but speaks mainly to their life circumstances and life styles. We live far away from my IL's, this summer we spent our vacation visiting them. NOT MY DH'S IDEA - he wanted a "real" vacation. And this is a man who would throw himself in front of a train for his mother. Sometimes we make things up in our mind and cause ourselves a lot of unecessary angst.

So, OP. Still not clear. Did you actually talk with your in-laws about this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've described my family to a T. I don't get why it bothers you so much. If they are around when you visit, you see them. If they are not around, then we don't see them on that visit. But, just because one or another of my siblings isn't around during a visit doesn't mean we cut them off.

The point of the visit is half to see them, half to see my husband's parents. We'd love to jet off to Hawaii or wherever too but we make sacrifices to see family.

Then jet off to Hawaii and stop bitching because other people do what they want to do and you do not.
Why all the angst when you evidently see these people a few times a year? Honest to goodness, if you bring this much stress your family may not feel as close to you as you think all these visits make you. Relationships are based on the quality of the 'relating', not the quantity of visits you can foist on people. Take a chill.

Yes, I'm frustrated by that situation. I get it. Has there never been anything in your life that's frustrated you?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've described my family to a T. I don't get why it bothers you so much. If they are around when you visit, you see them. If they are not around, then we don't see them on that visit. But, just because one or another of my siblings isn't around during a visit doesn't mean we cut them off.

OP sounds tiresome, I'm starting to see why her sister is high-tailing it out of town.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've described my family to a T. I don't get why it bothers you so much. If they are around when you visit, you see them. If they are not around, then we don't see them on that visit. But, just because one or another of my siblings isn't around during a visit doesn't mean we cut them off.

The point of the visit is half to see them, half to see my husband's parents. We'd love to jet off to Hawaii or wherever too but we make sacrifices to see family.

Then jet off to Hawaii and stop bitching because other people do what they want to do and you do not.
Why all the angst when you evidently see these people a few times a year? Honest to goodness, if you bring this much stress your family may not feel as close to you as you think all these visits make you. Relationships are based on the quality of the 'relating', not the quantity of visits you can foist on people. Take a chill.

Have you *talked* to your ILs about this? Doesn't need to be accusatory, but something like, "Hey, we've travelled out to see you all for every holiday for the last five years, do you want to come out here this once?"

Also, why is your DH opposed? Does his family have less money, more kids, SNs, or some other mitigating circumstance (e.g., inflexible work)?