Anonymous wrote:You are being really passive-aggressive OP. Your DH should have a conversation with his sister.

+1! It's his problem. Let him solve it.

Buy your own vacation home!

Can you find another rental? I would rather pay than cancel out on a planned trip with friends.

Look around. Even a hotel would be better.

Anonymous wrote:

Can we have ...

No. Not your vacation home. You have no power. Doesn't matter how ridiculous or unfair the decisions are by ILs. Doesn't matter. Ever. No need for story.
Buy your own, or enjoy whatever arrangements you can afford independently.

+1 Get your own place or be subject to whatever the owners want.

It sounds like your MIL cannot say no to her DD. She offered the place to her son to use, but then DD decided to go. SIL probably found out some people would be staying in her room and decided to go to prevent that from happening. SIL gets what she wants in that family. I would find another destination for your trip.

It's the IL's house and they can decide, even after offering and committing to their DS, to change the plans. Lesson learned. Next time MIL offers it up, just say thanks but no thanks. FWIW, my IL's have a vacation home and constantly tell us we are free to use it anytime. DH's sister uses it to host friends quite often. We've never taken them up on their offer though, because SIL is very territorial. When we all gather there (their 3 siblings, spouses and kids), SIL decides which rooms everyone stays in. Before the grandchildren, DH and I always ended up in the basement room with the twin beds. Once SIL had kids that were old enough to sleep in beds, we were kicked out of the bedroom with twin beds and had to sleep on pullout sofas in the living area in the basement. We all have kids the same age. SIL kids got the room with the twin beds to themselves, SIL and spouse a different room to themselves, and DH and I get to sleep with our kids on pullout sofas in the living area of the basement. This lasted one night - SILs kids got up at 5am and turned on the giant TV in front of our sofa beds and watched cartoons until we got up and gave them breakfast. SIL slept till noon. We checked into a hotel the next night and have stayed there every year since then. It's embarrassing to MIL/FIL that we stay in a hotel, but the alternative (having DD's kids sleep on a pullout sofa) is not an option. SIL gets what she wants - always.

Don't mean to be critical, but I find it odd that OP offers her husband's friends a retreat at the IL's home. It's not a hotel. It's one thing to ask to use it for your immediate family (which I still think is kind of presumptuous); it's another to invite your friends to stay. If anyone is being too passive here, I think it's the in-laws.

She's 21?

Now I understand.

If she's in the MIL's house, they can keep tabs on her.

Do none of the fucking people who post posts like this know what a "motel" is?

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Any sane person wouldn't WANT to be sleeping piled up in rooms and couches with a bunch of strange stanky other people in their dirty socks and underwear just to save money.

Do you REALLY want to set your ass down for your morning piss on the same toilet seat that some strange-ass man may have taken a rank smelly burrito/beer dump on only minutes prior?

Is the competitive instinct to "win" so great?

What is it with these pseudo "vacations" which are really just "aggravations"?

You are being really passive-aggressive OP. Your DH should have a conversation with his sister.

Cancel the "reservation" at the in-laws house and find somewhere else to go. There, no strings attached. I solved your problem.

Can we have ...

No. Not your vacation home. You have no power. Doesn't matter how ridiculous or unfair the decisions are by ILs. Doesn't matter. Ever. No need for story.
Buy your own, or enjoy whatever arrangements you can afford independently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hoping to avoid that (which is why I prescheduled this and made sure no one would be there) as I am pregnant. I was more worried about the two adult males sharing a bed together. Were all longtime friends, but that might be a bit close for comfort. I'm about to come down with a sudden cough I think, and let DH go down there and deal with this on his own. I just thought I'd plan a fun weekend for him and his friends and I would DD and take them around. I got my dad to babysit and havent been anywhere in so long! Sucks SIL has to impose on this. She can't stand her brother or I and is 21 so I don't know why she even wants to tag along. it is his parents house, I don't think either of us is comfortable with asking her to stay home. Just maybe after this baby comes out, our brood might suddenly need a trip away when she's got the house full of her sorority sisters. I'm sure they wouldn't mind a toddler, baby and breast feeding mother tagging along for a fun day out!

This. This is why your 21 year old SIL gets away with it. Both you and your husband should stop being doormats. Your DH should handle it by contacting his sister or his parents. Your husband's parents could set things straight if they want to. If they really want to...

Exactly?! WTF is wrong with you people!

Anonymous wrote:hoping to avoid that (which is why I prescheduled this and made sure no one would be there) as I am pregnant. I was more worried about the two adult males sharing a bed together. Were all longtime friends, but that might be a bit close for comfort. I'm about to come down with a sudden cough I think, and let DH go down there and deal with this on his own. I just thought I'd plan a fun weekend for him and his friends and I would DD and take them around. I got my dad to babysit and havent been anywhere in so long! Sucks SIL has to impose on this. She can't stand her brother or I and is 21 so I don't know why she even wants to tag along. it is his parents house, I don't think either of us is comfortable with asking her to stay home. Just maybe after this baby comes out, our brood might suddenly need a trip away when she's got the house full of her sorority sisters. I'm sure they wouldn't mind a toddler, baby and breast feeding mother tagging along for a fun day out!

This. This is why your 21 year old SIL gets away with it. Both you and your husband should stop being doormats. Your DH should handle it by contacting his sister or his parents. Your husband's parents could set things straight if they want to. If they really want to...

You are being held hostage by a 21 year old girl? And how can she be there every weekend - isn't she in college still?

Come on OP, your DH needs to talk to her or to his mother. This is about his friends, you don't need to be orchestrating the whole thing.

Yeah, you need to tell this this is not going to work.

But it is this house and if they insist she gets to come, I would give the guests "my" room and sleep on the couch myself. because it is totally unacceptable to take a room and give an invited guest a pullout couch when you told them there would be rooms!