No, I don't think it's right to hit people.

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Anonymous wrote:We do spank. Never out of anger, however. I think that's the key- like PP said, there are a few things that are an automatic spanking in our house. Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. And then it's done, and we move on. No different than other consequences.

I am not a fan of the impromptu whack on the butt stuff.

Creeppppyyyy.

+1. Impromptu is not at all okay, but at least it's somewhat logical that a parent might lose control. What isn't logical is that an adult might "calmly" call a child over and start hitting them.

How is that illogical?

Not PP, but one who has regretfully spanked in anger. I agree with that PP. To me, spanking humiliates. But if someone spanked (i.e. humiliated) on purpose, with planning, I think that's doubly worse.

And this probably varies by child. I was spanked a lot. Yes, I ended up doing what my parents told me to do to avoid another spanking. But I did not respect them, in the sense of the word that I thought they were people I could admire and look up to, and want to emulate. When someone humiliates me on purpose, I don't think very highly of them at all, and never have.

Three times in six years. Failure on my part. I haven't spanked in 2.5 years.

I have made them look at a wall

Anonymous wrote:Never.

+100 and they are adults now

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Anonymous wrote:I spank but very rarely (once a month, maybe). It works, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel bad about doing it. Sometimes it's the only thing that will get my kid to shape up.

I think on DCUM you'll find that a majority of the posters will tell you it's unnecessary and abusive.

You think spanking once a month equates to "very rarely"?

It's all relative, babe.

If you're doing it once a month and feel bad about it, maybe it's time to consider that it's not working.

Like I said...it works. I do have a conscience and don't enjoy smacking my kid's bottom, but sometimes it's the only thing that nips the offending behavior in the bud.

But it's clearly not working, if you have to spank once a month. Think about it.

Do we apply that same logic to all disciplinary techniques?

I try to, yeah.

Then whatever disciplining technique you are doing probably isn't working either. How many time outs, loss of privileges, etc.. has your kid had?

Oh, way too many to count! Now we try to set clear expectations and consequences with kid input, and go mostly with natural or logical consequences.

I have taken away privileges for talking back. DS continued to do so even after several episodes of lost privileges. You know what stopped it... a whack on the bottom when DS was 8.

What's the natural or logical consequence for an 8 yr old talking back and being disrespectful? Or are you the type of parent that allows their kid to express his feelings by talking back and being disrespectful?

I doubt a single whack on the bottom when DC was 8 would have changed my kid's behavior forever! It's a personal thing for us. DH and I were both spanked. We have very unpleasant memories of it and it's not something we want to do.

I don't know what works for everyone, but I tell my kid I won't engage with someone who's talking disrespectfully to me. I disengage and suggest DC do something to interrupt the negative behavior. It's easy to get stuck in a negative cycle, so we try to interrupt it. The key, for my particular kid, is to try to encourage development of positive coping skills. Somedays we're more successful than others.

Of course not.

No. There are better ways to discipline that are just as effective, if not more so.

I was spanked as a kid, but do not view it as a good thing and my parents really didn't know better when it came to discipline.

I've spanked my kid occasionally, but he is 5 now and I would no longer consider it. He's generally well behaved, and now we can reason with him, or take away a privilege.

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Anonymous wrote:I spank but very rarely (once a month, maybe). It works, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel bad about doing it. Sometimes it's the only thing that will get my kid to shape up.

I think on DCUM you'll find that a majority of the posters will tell you it's unnecessary and abusive.

You think spanking once a month equates to "very rarely"?

It's all relative, babe.

If you're doing it once a month and feel bad about it, maybe it's time to consider that it's not working.

Like I said...it works. I do have a conscience and don't enjoy smacking my kid's bottom, but sometimes it's the only thing that nips the offending behavior in the bud.

But it's clearly not working, if you have to spank once a month. Think about it.

Do we apply that same logic to all disciplinary techniques?

I try to, yeah.

Then whatever disciplining technique you are doing probably isn't working either. How many time outs, loss of privileges, etc.. has your kid had?

Oh, way too many to count! Now we try to set clear expectations and consequences with kid input, and go mostly with natural or logical consequences.

I have taken away privileges for talking back. DS continued to do so even after several episodes of lost privileges. You know what stopped it... a whack on the bottom when DS was 8.

What's the natural or logical consequence for an 8 yr old talking back and being disrespectful? Or are you the type of parent that allows their kid to express his feelings by talking back and being disrespectful?

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked and so were my siblings.

It is not something that we have ever held against our parents. And we have all done very well, we are relatively normal and have happy marriages.

People obsess needlessly about things that are really quite inconsequential.

Agreed. I've never understood why this is such a debate.

I was spanked and so were my siblings.

It is not something that we have ever held against our parents. And we have all done very well, we are relatively normal and have happy marriages.

People obsess needlessly about things that are really quite inconsequential.

Anonymous wrote:I showed my kids 4, and 8, the part of Silence of the Lambs where Buffalo Bill has his victim in the well (they aren't old enough to see the whole thing yet). Whenever they miss behave I bellow "it does what I says or it gets the hose." Very effective.

LOL. I like you.

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Anonymous wrote:We do spank. Never out of anger, however. I think that's the key- like PP said, there are a few things that are an automatic spanking in our house. Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. And then it's done, and we move on. No different than other consequences.

I am not a fan of the impromptu whack on the butt stuff.

Creeppppyyyy.

+1. Impromptu is not at all okay, but at least it's somewhat logical that a parent might lose control. What isn't logical is that an adult might "calmly" call a child over and start hitting them.

How is that illogical?

Never.