Just warn your partner beforehand of the things that embarrass you so that he/she is not caught off guard.

It will be much easier to roll w/the punches then.

Thanks everyone

You don't have to introduce your LT boyfriend to your family, but it might actually help you to survive one of your visits if you have someone who understands you, your current life and the changes you've made to help you balance.

My family is much more normal than yours, but it is very stressful in very different ways. I purposely live far from them because while I love them, I can't be sucked into the family dramas and issues surrounding cultural differences all the time. But I do visit regularly. My wife understands how stressful the family visits are on me and when she comes, she is an emotional anchor for me. I can go out to the store to pick something up, bring her with me and vent in the car. Sometimes even in the midst of some family drama, just catching her eye and getting non-verbal sympathy is enough to let me steel myself for round 2. We can now joke about the family dynamics because she's lived through week-long visits that seemed like so much longer (as Harry Chapin once said "I spent a week there one afternoon"). Likewise, my wife finds it helpful for me to be around when we visit my in-laws because I don't have 40 years of family baggage to carry around and some things which are hot-button issues for her don't phase me. So I can do some things and run interference between her and her mother or her and her brother in the right situations.

Good luck.

If you are talking marriage, I would just elope and/or have a very small wedding. You don't have to invite your family. I wish I had not.

But, yeah, my family is not as dysfunctional or embarassing but they are still hard to deal with and I keep them at arm's length. It is ok if you do this OP.

Op, no. You don't have to introduce your spouse. In fact, it's okay to cut them off based upon what you're describing...especially if you have kids. I understand your situation very much. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, just elope. Don't invite either side of the family. Then take your new husband to visit your side of the family for a weekend. You can keep the two sides of the family separate.

I've been married before ( I was 18, eloped). I have my heart set on a real wedding. I have made a nice life for myself. My friends are family, I'd like ten to be there. He's close to his family. I'm just not sure what we will tell his family about my family not being there. I guess I could tell my family thay I eloped, and keep all pictures off of social media.

Fortunately, your boyfriend knows your history, so you don't have to keep secrets from him. And you're in counseling already so you are working on that.

Regarding keeping your family separate, perhaps you could tell people something vague such as they live far away and your parents are aging and don't travel well and that your siblings don't get enough leave to visit for a wedding, holidays, etc. As others have posted, you don't need to mix the two families. And since you are not estranged and do make the obligatory visit at least once a year, that should be enough.

Once you get married and if you decide to have kids, you can have boundaries in place to protect that part of your life. Also, it's a good idea that you know you would need to keep your events off of social media.

You can have a nice wedding and include his family and just tell folks your family couldn't make it People might wonder but not a big deal. My wedding was like 80 family members on DW side and for my side it was my mom and dad and brother (of course we both had amble friends). No one will ask "why is your mom or dad here" b/c either a) they know you well enough to know the story or b) they dont know you well enough to not know if they are dead or not and don't want to ask *that* question.

I met DH's family and he met mine, but we didn't let them meet each other until the rehearsal dinner. We just knew they wouldn't get along and didn't care.

I think he needs to know what he's getting into and what you're going to be dealing with, but there's no reasons for in laws to be friends with each other or to mix.

*them not ten