Anonymous
10/10/2015 23:49
Subject: Re:Is habitual lying a part of ADHD?
Some kids with ADHD lie. Understand why they do it — and why you help them more by staying calm as you guide them to honesty.
Do you wonder why some children with ADHD lie, even when they know that you know they are fibbing? It's the same reason they may cheat at a game, make excuses, and refuse to take responsibility. They feel they are not in control of their behavior or the situations they face, so they make bad choices. Then they realize what they’ve done, feel ashamed, and find a way to cover it up. What can you do to minimize fibbing? Try these tips:
1) Stay cool. It is difficult to stay calm when your child appears to lie effortlessly, but you must. Your child thinks, "I don't want to mess up all the time. Now I feel exposed, and my parents think I'm a bad kid. I can't take that shame, so for self-preservation I am going to lie." If you lecture or lose it emotionally, your child will never feel safe in telling the truth.
2) Get to the root of the issue. Lying isn't the real problem; he lies to hide his impulsivity. Parents need to improve their child's impulse control. Walk with him into a video game store, look around, and walk out without purchasing anything, despite his pleading. Have him leave behind a few French fries when eating at McDonald's.
3) Speak to your child like an adult. Say, "Jacob, I know you lied because you made a mistake and didn't want to get caught. You felt like you were out of control, so you made up a story. I'm not mad at you -- I want to help you. Your lying doesn't make me not love or like you anymore, but it does mean you've lost some of my trust. I'd like to give you an opportunity to earn it back."
4) Role-play. Giving a consequence for lying won't change anything; you are only letting the child know he did something wrong (he already knows that).
Instead, create a routine in your family when someone needs to be honest about something unpleasant. "Jacob, in our family, we're going to say the word 'popcorn' when we need to have a difficult talk. When you say that word, I'm going to sit down and listen -- I promise I won't overreact or lecture you. So let's practice doing that the next time you want to lie."
Your child should always see home as a safe place where we all can be imperfect and grow through our struggles.
Do you wonder why some children with ADHD lie, even when they know that you know they are fibbing? It's the same reason they may cheat at a game, make excuses, and refuse to take responsibility. They feel they are not in control of their behavior or the situations they face, so they make bad choices. Then they realize what they’ve done, feel ashamed, and find a way to cover it up. What can you do to minimize fibbing? Try these tips:
1) Stay cool. It is difficult to stay calm when your child appears to lie effortlessly, but you must. Your child thinks, "I don't want to mess up all the time. Now I feel exposed, and my parents think I'm a bad kid. I can't take that shame, so for self-preservation I am going to lie." If you lecture or lose it emotionally, your child will never feel safe in telling the truth.
2) Get to the root of the issue. Lying isn't the real problem; he lies to hide his impulsivity. Parents need to improve their child's impulse control. Walk with him into a video game store, look around, and walk out without purchasing anything, despite his pleading. Have him leave behind a few French fries when eating at McDonald's.
3) Speak to your child like an adult. Say, "Jacob, I know you lied because you made a mistake and didn't want to get caught. You felt like you were out of control, so you made up a story. I'm not mad at you -- I want to help you. Your lying doesn't make me not love or like you anymore, but it does mean you've lost some of my trust. I'd like to give you an opportunity to earn it back."
4) Role-play. Giving a consequence for lying won't change anything; you are only letting the child know he did something wrong (he already knows that).
Instead, create a routine in your family when someone needs to be honest about something unpleasant. "Jacob, in our family, we're going to say the word 'popcorn' when we need to have a difficult talk. When you say that word, I'm going to sit down and listen -- I promise I won't overreact or lecture you. So let's practice doing that the next time you want to lie."
Your child should always see home as a safe place where we all can be imperfect and grow through our struggles.
Anonymous
10/10/2015 23:47
Subject: Re:Is habitual lying a part of ADHD?
http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/52/slide-1.html?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=October
Understand why kids with ADHD are more prone to tell lies — and learn what you can do to help guide your ADHDer to honesty.
All children lie occasionally. But because of impulsivity and low self-esteem — and their tendency to make mistakes that they think need covering up — kids with ADHD are especially prone to stretching the truth. How should parents react when they catch their child in a lie? Use these strategies to help your child recognize the importance of telling the truth.
Lying, an ADHD Symptom?
The impulse to tell fibs does not make your youngster a bad person, nor is it evidence of a character flaw. It’s just a byproduct of ADHD — almost a symptom. And like other symptoms of the disorder, it can often be helped by medication. But even with drug therapy, your child may need extra coaching to understand the importance of truth telling.
Explain the Consequences
Some kids tell lies out of insecurity, concocting fanciful stories in an effort to boost their popularity. Punishing an insecure child is likely to do more harm than good. Instead, make sure your child understands what will happen if she gets caught in a lie. The downside of telling a lie — even a relatively benign one — may be obvious to grownups, but kids need to be reminded that lying usually causes more problems than it eliminates.
Practice the Pause
Instead of taking time to respond appropriately (and truthfully) to tough questions, impulsive kids blurt out an answer — even if the answer is an exaggeration or a blatant falsehood. Teach your child to silently count to three before speaking, and to use that time to formulate a truthful answer.
Remain Calm
If your child says something you know to be untrue, stay calm. Reacting angrily, or with obvious dismay, will only make your child feel the need to tell additional lies to defuse the situation — and end up digging herself into an even deeper hole.
Truth Check
Give your child the opportunity to reconsider her answer. When you catch your kid in a fib, give her another chance to answer, with no consequences for lying. Whether this “truth check” is done immediately or a few hours later, it teaches kids to second-guess an untruthful answer.
Reward Honesty
When a child lies to cover up mistakes or misbehavior, it can be tempting to pile on the “consequences.” But in encouraging honesty, rewards are often better than punishment. For example, giving your child a small token when you catch him being truthful will encourage that behavior in the future
Telling White Lies
Explain white lies by having your child pretend that he has just received a birthday gift he doesn't like. Now ask him which response he would most likely give:
A. “Yuck.”
B. “I’ll never play with this thing.”
C. “Thank you for the nice present.”
If your child picks C, congratulate him, and discuss why that was the right choice. If he answers A or B, explain why the gift-giver’s feelings would be hurt, and how white lies are appropriate in such situations.
Additional Resources
Need additional help? Here are more resources to help you prevent your ADHD child from lying:
• 1. Tips to Minimize Fibbing
•2. Expert Q&A: How to Respond to a Lie
•3. When You Should Punish Your ADHDer for Lying
Understand why kids with ADHD are more prone to tell lies — and learn what you can do to help guide your ADHDer to honesty.
All children lie occasionally. But because of impulsivity and low self-esteem — and their tendency to make mistakes that they think need covering up — kids with ADHD are especially prone to stretching the truth. How should parents react when they catch their child in a lie? Use these strategies to help your child recognize the importance of telling the truth.
Lying, an ADHD Symptom?
The impulse to tell fibs does not make your youngster a bad person, nor is it evidence of a character flaw. It’s just a byproduct of ADHD — almost a symptom. And like other symptoms of the disorder, it can often be helped by medication. But even with drug therapy, your child may need extra coaching to understand the importance of truth telling.
Explain the Consequences
Some kids tell lies out of insecurity, concocting fanciful stories in an effort to boost their popularity. Punishing an insecure child is likely to do more harm than good. Instead, make sure your child understands what will happen if she gets caught in a lie. The downside of telling a lie — even a relatively benign one — may be obvious to grownups, but kids need to be reminded that lying usually causes more problems than it eliminates.
Practice the Pause
Instead of taking time to respond appropriately (and truthfully) to tough questions, impulsive kids blurt out an answer — even if the answer is an exaggeration or a blatant falsehood. Teach your child to silently count to three before speaking, and to use that time to formulate a truthful answer.
Remain Calm
If your child says something you know to be untrue, stay calm. Reacting angrily, or with obvious dismay, will only make your child feel the need to tell additional lies to defuse the situation — and end up digging herself into an even deeper hole.
Truth Check
Give your child the opportunity to reconsider her answer. When you catch your kid in a fib, give her another chance to answer, with no consequences for lying. Whether this “truth check” is done immediately or a few hours later, it teaches kids to second-guess an untruthful answer.
Reward Honesty
When a child lies to cover up mistakes or misbehavior, it can be tempting to pile on the “consequences.” But in encouraging honesty, rewards are often better than punishment. For example, giving your child a small token when you catch him being truthful will encourage that behavior in the future
Telling White Lies
Explain white lies by having your child pretend that he has just received a birthday gift he doesn't like. Now ask him which response he would most likely give:
A. “Yuck.”
B. “I’ll never play with this thing.”
C. “Thank you for the nice present.”
If your child picks C, congratulate him, and discuss why that was the right choice. If he answers A or B, explain why the gift-giver’s feelings would be hurt, and how white lies are appropriate in such situations.
Additional Resources
Need additional help? Here are more resources to help you prevent your ADHD child from lying:
• 1. Tips to Minimize Fibbing
•2. Expert Q&A: How to Respond to a Lie
•3. When You Should Punish Your ADHDer for Lying
Anonymous
10/09/2015 06:31
Subject: Is habitual lying a part of ADHD?
My DS exaggerates and lies when he is not taking his meds... Impulsivity...
Anonymous
10/09/2015 06:23
Subject: Re:Is habitual lying a part of ADHD?
Mental health watchdog Citizens Commission on Human Rights says a new report issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on the 10,000 toddlers being prescribed ADHD drugs, is only the tip of the iceberg regarding children being prescribed psychiatric drugs in the U.S. According to IMS health, more than 274,000 0-1 year olds are being prescribed psychiatric drugs and a staggering 370,000 toddlers.
STOP DRUGGING YOUR KIDS !!
STOP DRUGGING YOUR KIDS !!
Anonymous
10/09/2015 06:01
Subject: Re:Is habitual lying a part of ADHD?
Here's what I don't get. Someone fidgets with a stove knob and the stove knob breaks. This is an accident. Make it easy for that person to apologize. You don't jump on them for "lying" or ask that person "what the hell were you thinking?" You make it easy for them to save face. An accident is an accident. WTF? Yes, fidgeting is immature. But what do you get out of a group of people jumping on a grown man and interrogating him? What do you expect to happen in this situation? This is an insane family dynamic.
I'm 20:41. My brother is 47 years old. You don't get that "it's an accident" when these other things have happened too:
- He borrowed my husband's car and broke the rear view mirror while he was adjusting it. "it just fell off"
- He broke the acrylic towel bar in our guest bathroom shower.
- He broke the sprayer in my kitchen while he was washing dishes.
- He broke the side view mirror of my mom's car.
- The lever of my recliner
- Lots of laptops, cameras, DVD players, all broken.
All accidents? All to just be "forgiven" ? What's to forgive? He doesn't think it's his fault and so why should he say he's sorry? How do you make it easy for someone to save face when this is the normal occurrence? Yes, it becomes an insane family dynamic. And that's what we folks with family members with ADHD need to know and accept- whether you like it or not, ADHD WILL affect the dynamics and unless you really watch it and train everyone to be compassionate and understand the underlying issues (poor motor control, poor impulses), you will have all these strained relationships and that person will ADHD will only get worse.
Don't think that ADHD is all just about poor motor control and poor impulses, it is a web of tangled up and distorted thought processes and unless you work on getting those processes untangled, the person will never improve. My DD is 13 now and thankfully, she is able to tell me her thought process. Every day we reassure her that our home is a safe environment for her to tell us what and how she is thinking. She tells us all the time that she's not lying. And we do believe her, but it's also after we talk about her thought process- and sure enough, on the outside, or for someone who doesn't understand the full context, it can sound like she is lying.
It sounds like you are talking about a fine motor OT or dyspraxia issue along with a poor sense of self awareness that almost verges on the spectrum. I work wit ADHD kids and what you are describing is not typical ADHD behavior.