Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to post this on the infertility board because the mention of my children might seem cruel but I can't explain the situation without mentioning them. Ok I'm about to turn 38 and I am recently remarried. I had three children in my late twenties and early thirties with my first husband. They are now 12, 10, and 8. My new husband would like to have a child with me and I knew that going in. We agreed that we would try but would not seek out infertility treatments (I got pregnant easily with my three but worried about having trouble AMA. I assumed the difficulty, if any popped up, would come from my side). Anyway, it turns out that the problem is with his sperm (not enough and there is a morphology issue as well). Anyway, we were advised to start IVF plus icsi as soon as possible if we are serious. Chance of getting pregnant naturally are slim to none.

I *really* don't want to do IVF. I don't want to put my body through the hormone injections. But this is probably because I already have three children who mean the world to me and, as a consequence, I don't really feel that much of a pull for another. It's a nice to have but not a need to have, kwim? I'm sure it would be a different story if I didn't have any children. I'm sure I would have been devastated by this diagnosis and determined to move heaven and earth to make it happen. My husband falls more along this line of thinking. He doesn't have any biological children of his own and really wants to try. He is very fond of my kids and they get along well but they already have a father whom they are very close to, which is as it should be. Should I try the ivf for him? Is it fair to deny him a child because I don't want to do the hormones? Then there is the money issue. We were quoted about 15k for the procedure. That is a lot of money that could be spent on college funds for my existing kids who I feel more of a responsibility towards.

Anyway, wwyd? What do you think I should do?

This is a tough one OP. You agreed to wanting kids, but only if it came naturally. Your age, plus IVF makes it just too risky. You're asking for trouble with regards to having a healthy baby.

Assuming you're current 3 are all healthy, you are very lucky so don't play Russian Roulette. This is the what I'd tell my best friend if she asked me this same question.

If he wants kids "of his own", consider a surrogate or adoption.

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to post this on the infertility board because the mention of my children might seem cruel but I can't explain the situation without mentioning them. Ok I'm about to turn 38 and I am recently remarried. I had three children in my late twenties and early thirties with my first husband. They are now 12, 10, and 8. My new husband would like to have a child with me and I knew that going in. We agreed that we would try but would not seek out infertility treatments (I got pregnant easily with my three but worried about having trouble AMA. I assumed the difficulty, if any popped up, would come from my side). Anyway, it turns out that the problem is with his sperm (not enough and there is a morphology issue as well). Anyway, we were advised to start IVF plus icsi as soon as possible if we are serious. Chance of getting pregnant naturally are slim to none.

I *really* don't want to do IVF. I don't want to put my body through the hormone injections. But this is probably because I already have three children who mean the world to me and, as a consequence, I don't really feel that much of a pull for another. It's a nice to have but not a need to have, kwim? I'm sure it would be a different story if I didn't have any children. I'm sure I would have been devastated by this diagnosis and determined to move heaven and earth to make it happen. My husband falls more along this line of thinking. He doesn't have any biological children of his own and really wants to try. He is very fond of my kids and they get along well but they already have a father whom they are very close to, which is as it should be. Should I try the ivf for him? Is it fair to deny him a child because I don't want to do the hormones? Then there is the money issue. We were quoted about 15k for the procedure. That is a lot of money that could be spent on college funds for my existing kids who I feel more of a responsibility towards.

Anyway, wwyd? What do you think I should do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, so tough. It would depend for me on how badly DH wanted a child. I would consider reneging on the agreement just because I know how important my kids are to me.

Saying that, kids made my marriage a lot more challenging and we fought more, especially when the kids were little and really needy and no one was getting enough sleep. It sounds to me like you already have a lot of potentially challenging dynamics with 3 kids of your own, a new marriage and your new DH finding his place with your kids.

Was he a bachelor before? How is he settling into a more of a family lifestyle?

Yes this is his first marriage. He was previously in a very long relationship with a woman who ultimately decided she didn't want kids, which is why they never married and eventually split up. He is *such* a good stepdad to my children. He is truly wonderful with them. He is caring and willing to do pick up/drop offs, make dinner, braid hair, help with homework, etc. etc. but he never over steps with them. He is very respectful of the fact that they have their own father. He's kind of like a really good, involved uncle. They live with us half of the week (Sunday through Wednesday).