Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:38     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:My friend told me that this guy asked her out to dinner, picked the place, and then at the end he asked her to split the bill.

She of course paid without comment, was polite and fine about it.

But when he texted her for another date she calmly explained to him that when he wanted her to split the bill, she assumed they were just friends. He was like, "Oh no, I want to date you..." and she let him know they had no future.

She is from a wealthy family and had made her own money but that kind of rudeness and/or cluelessness sets a definitely bad precedent for how a guy will be in a relationship.

It's a massive red flag. Tell your friend to move on.



OMG.... women want "equal treatment" which would mean splitting the bill. This shows that you are an "equal partner" but then you also want to have everything paid for.... doors opened.... etc. The men are left to intuit when you want us to be chivalrous vs. "modern." You need to understand that on a first date the current trend is NOT to force the girl into a long dinner (as other posters have said) and keep it short with no pressure.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:27     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:women should never eat on the first date. it give the wrong impression.


Well, of course, but we live in a world that's gone mad!
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:22     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:I understand why she didn't order an app- she didn't want to be presumptuous. Even though she would've been willing to pay for it, he wouldn't have known that and would be telling his friend about the woman who tried to stick him for some food when he only wanted to pay for drinks.

I wouldn't see this guy again either, and I'm also in the camp of women who wouldn't consider a romantic relationship with a guy who split the bill on the first date.


Nah. She could have easily ordered an appetizer w/o making it weird or a big deal. Asking for free bread was weird.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:21     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
women should never eat on the first date. it give the wrong impression.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:20     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
^typos. sorry.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:19     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Drinks were fine. But I'm confused as to why there was bread on the table if they weren't there for dinner. Was the bread an appetizer?

It would be weird to be seated for dinner, get served complimentary bread and then only order drinks. That I would not be happy about it because that would be awkward and cheap.


OP here. My friend actually knew the bartender and asked the bartender for some bread. My friend's sister used to bartend when she was younger so they know a lot of bartenders.

I didn't say this to my friend but I think my friend probably gave off a vibe that she was not very into him. The guy may not have wanted to spend any more than he had to at that point. Just a guess.


Then they were seated at a bar having drinks. I used to never order appetizers at bars and I didn't eat them when the guys did order them (often wings or ribs which I wouldn't eat at the time).

I do not think it's standard to assume that all women eat when they go out for drinks. I would expect a guy to buy me breakfast if he asked me out for a cup of coffee either.

I seriously do not understand what the big deal is. If she want wings she should have ordered them instead of asking the bartender for free food, that was weird.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:17     Subject: Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
I understand why she didn't order an app- she didn't want to be presumptuous. Even though she would've been willing to pay for it, he wouldn't have known that and would be telling his friend about the woman who tried to stick him for some food when he only wanted to pay for drinks.

I wouldn't see this guy again either, and I'm also in the camp of women who wouldn't consider a romantic relationship with a guy who split the bill on the first date.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:11     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If she was hungry, why not order at least an appetizer? Or was she only allowing him to order for the both of them, without having a voice of her own? So weird. We're women, not children.

I further don't understand the women that won't give a guy a second date because they split the bill the first time. Let's focus on priorities here, ladies.


I agree. To me it would be a turnoff to know that a woman was sitting there hungry, not saying anything, because she was waiting for me to say: "The lady will have..."


A guy who doesn't buy you dinner just isn't that into you. My male friends have said they know they are not into a girl if they want to pay by 3rd date or so. You are either hitting it off, have some physical interaction or at least wanting to f&*k by the 3rd date.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:08     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would assume a first date invitation at 7:30 means eat dinner first.


I would assume it is dinner included. Who eats before going out?


+1. Adults eat at 7:30. The only people who get to restaurants earlier are parents with children and the elderly.


Parents with children are adults.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:05     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:If she was hungry, why not order at least an appetizer? Or was she only allowing him to order for the both of them, without having a voice of her own? So weird. We're women, not children.

I further don't understand the women that won't give a guy a second date because they split the bill the first time. Let's focus on priorities here, ladies.


I agree. To me it would be a turnoff to know that a woman was sitting there hungry, not saying anything, because she was waiting for me to say: "The lady will have..."
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:02     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
If she was hungry, why not order at least an appetizer? Or was she only allowing him to order for the both of them, without having a voice of her own? So weird. We're women, not children.

I further don't understand the women that won't give a guy a second date because they split the bill the first time. Let's focus on priorities here, ladies.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 11:00     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would assume a first date invitation at 7:30 means eat dinner first.


I would assume it is dinner included. Who eats before going out?


+1. Adults eat at 7:30. The only people who get to restaurants earlier are parents with children and the elderly.


I'm an adult. I usually eat when I'm hungry and there's an opportunity. Sometimes it means 4:30pm with a bowl of cereal when I get home, sometimes it means 6pm, and other times it means 7:30pm.


I mean out to dinner.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 10:58     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
This is nuts. I meet guys all the time for a drink for a first date and if I'm hungry I order food. I always offer to split the bill but generally on the first date he will offer to pay and I'll accept. I certainly don't expect a man to pay for me all the time to court me. It works both ways.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 10:57     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would assume a first date invitation at 7:30 means eat dinner first.


I would assume it is dinner included. Who eats before going out?


I'm assuming he said, "Let's meet for drinks in the bar of x restaurant," so she knew it was for drinks. If he had said "Let's meet at x restaurant at 7:30" I would expect to eat.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2015 10:49     Subject: Re:Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would assume a first date invitation at 7:30 means eat dinner first.


I would assume it is dinner included. Who eats before going out?


+1. Adults eat at 7:30. The only people who get to restaurants earlier are parents with children and the elderly.


I'm an adult. I usually eat when I'm hungry and there's an opportunity. Sometimes it means 4:30pm with a bowl of cereal when I get home, sometimes it means 6pm, and other times it means 7:30pm.