Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son comes first. Sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear.

OP here: I wasn't looking for "my answer" I was looking for good feedback. Thank you.

+1

I wouldn't bring anyone into my child's life, but if I did, it would only be if my child were crazy about that person.

How do you get your child "crazy about something" without bringing them into their life somehow...even via public/fun outings..they are still being introduced as some point for you to find out IF your child and this person would bond/get along...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was your affair with the coach the cause of your divorce?

OP stated that she's been divorced for 2 years and has not dated much...

That doesn't exclude an affair with the coach as the cause of the divorce.

Maybe it's just a weird coincidence that she ended up in the coach's lap though. Hopefully OP will clarify.

By the way I love the euphemism that she is "dating" the coach. "Dating" isn't the problem, she's banging him.

From OP: There has not be ONE ounce of sexual relations. Some people just like the company of other people, and then realize that maybe there is something more there. Kids can and will talk, about anything and everything. Some of the posts here seem to prove that "adults" are the same way as kids dealing with maturing and speaking negatively and assumptively about others. I take my kids as top priority. I was looking for a way to help my son, if possible or feedback in general. Not "force him" Thank goodness for the few leveled people that posted on this site some actual proactive ideas, or just plain good feedback, life experiences. There was no relationship, no dating, no sneaking, no conversations with this person prior to my divorce - I didn't even know this person, just knew of as a teacher. I will step back from the relationship as it sounds to be the best solution for my older child.

Look, the bottom line here is that a new relationship is very consuming emotionally. A new relationship can be like a drug, and now your son is contending with dealing losing a lot of your attention AND the attention of his mentor. Ouch.

Even if he only comes over occasionally, how much time do you spend pre-occupied with him? Whether you choose to admit it to yourself or not, this impacts your son.

I get that you want to be in a relationship again, and your life and happiness matters too. But please work hard to acknowledge how all of this is impacting your son and focus on minimizing his discomfort as much as possible.

When you talk about receiving tips to get your son to accept your new relationship, it sounds like you are more focused on minimizing your own discomfort and inconvenience, instead.

If he feels like your first priority in his heart, I'm sure everything will go a lot more smoothly for all parties.

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your son. He's obviously still struggling with the divorce and now he's dealing with his mom and his coach (excuse me, assistant coach).

Does he have anyone to talk to? I noticed you didn't ask how to help your son deal with his general concerns but rather how to get your son to "accept" your new boyfriend.

But it's all good because the 10 yo is fine with it.

Agree with the bolded.

OP isn't going to come back and admit that her marriage broke up two years ago over this coach. That's why she's so invested in her son accepting coach as "new daddy."

Why else would it even be an issue? If she is someone she just started seeing she wouldn't be so serious about him. They have probably been sneaking around since before the divorce and now they are trying to normalize the relationship and bring it above ground.

I'm sure the son is looking back at some things and is coming to the realization that mom's banging this coach is what destroyed his family, and not liking it one little bit.

Maybe your son is embarrassed and doesn't want to tell you that he's been getting grief from his friends or teammates.

I forgot to add. I have two friends who gave hell to their stepdads who turned out to be better father figures in the end than their own dads. Just took some years to accept the reality that their parents weren't together. Their dads also moved on quickly, but without the malice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son comes first. Sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear.

+1

I wouldn't bring anyone into my child's life, but if I did, it would only be if my child were crazy about that person.

My God, I was such a hater when my parents divorced. I would hate for my mom to have suffered, just because I was being selfish. My dad was able to date freely because he only saw us every Sunday. He moved on and I have 2 more siblings as a result. I gave my mom hell. I wish today that she'd remarried a good guy instead.

Also PP did you miss where the OP said the coach she is dating just happens to be her son's teacher from two years ago which coincides with the marriage break up?

I supposed it might be a mere coincidence.

Why is OP so invested in ramming this relationship down her son's throat if she just started dating this guy? It sounds much more serious hmmmm????? She wouldn't be the first mom to cheat with her kid's coach or teacher.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was your affair with the coach the cause of your divorce?

OP stated that she's been divorced for 2 years and has not dated much...

That doesn't exclude an affair with the coach as the cause of the divorce.

Maybe it's just a weird coincidence that she ended up in the coach's lap though. Hopefully OP will clarify.

By the way I love the euphemism that she is "dating" the coach. "Dating" isn't the problem, she's banging him.

Anonymous wrote:OP was your affair with the coach the cause of your divorce?

OP stated that she's been divorced for 2 years and has not dated much...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your son. He's obviously still struggling with the divorce and now he's dealing with his mom and his coach (excuse me, assistant coach).

Does he have anyone to talk to? I noticed you didn't ask how to help your son deal with his general concerns but rather how to get your son to "accept" your new boyfriend.

But it's all good because the 10 yo is fine with it.

Everyone on the team at school knows mommy is sluttin' it up with the sports coach. OP must have quite the reputation in the lockerroom. No wonder the OP's son is fed up with her behavior.

Rude. Nice assumptions. There are good people in the world with good intentions that find each other in different ways. Give OP the benefit of the doubt. So many people assume the worst in everyone. Wow. No wonder why society is the way it is. If OP were a widow, would you be so hard on her?

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your son. He's obviously still struggling with the divorce and now he's dealing with his mom and his coach (excuse me, assistant coach).

Does he have anyone to talk to? I noticed you didn't ask how to help your son deal with his general concerns but rather how to get your son to "accept" your new boyfriend.

But it's all good because the 10 yo is fine with it.

Everyone on the team at school knows mommy is sluttin' it up with the sports coach. OP must have quite the reputation in the lockerroom. No wonder the OP's son is fed up with her behavior.

OP was your affair with the coach the cause of your divorce?

That's pretty typical of those ages OP. Young kids adore the new boyfriend. Middle school and up absolutely do not.

I think it's fine to date him, but I wouldn't be bringing him around your kids at all unless you are on the marriage track with him. I've seen too many kids get attached to a significant other and then heartbroken when their parent breaks up. Leave them out of your romantic life for a good while.