Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 16:18     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
Ugh is right. Sorry you have to go through this OP. I would do as other have suggested and put as much of the responsibility on dh as you can.

Really, though, your dh should have put his foot down and told his sister that for this particular visit, due to x, y and z, you are unable to host them.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 15:29     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I bet SIL has a side of the story that would be worth hearing. In any event, I hope my son doesn't marry a woman like you, who "doesn't like home visits."


Can tell from this comment what a dream of a MIL you'd be.


That's the point--it doesn't matter what kind of MIL I would be--I could be the best MIL in the world, but it wouldn't matter because OP doesn't like home visits from anyone.


Some people are introverts who get stressed and anxious--especially if people are particularly demanding and inflexible, as it seems SIL is. Is it OP's best quality that she "doesn't like home visits"? Probably not. Does that make her a horrible person? No. People have good qualities and bad qualities. They have limits, and they have strengths. If you open your home willingly, great for you. It's not easy for everyone.


Opening your home, at least to some extent, comes with marriage.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 13:25     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I bet SIL has a side of the story that would be worth hearing. In any event, I hope my son doesn't marry a woman like you, who "doesn't like home visits."


Can tell from this comment what a dream of a MIL you'd be.


That's the point--it doesn't matter what kind of MIL I would be--I could be the best MIL in the world, but it wouldn't matter because OP doesn't like home visits from anyone.


Some people are introverts who get stressed and anxious--especially if people are particularly demanding and inflexible, as it seems SIL is. Is it OP's best quality that she "doesn't like home visits"? Probably not. Does that make her a horrible person? No. People have good qualities and bad qualities. They have limits, and they have strengths. If you open your home willingly, great for you. It's not easy for everyone.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 13:22     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
Anonymous wrote:I get how you feel, but it is ypur DH's house too. But, given that he is the one to want her to stay, can he deal with all the crap...he should be cleaning the house, the sheets, buying groceries, making meals etc. make him a list if you feel like he does not know what to do. Make a schedule of what needs to be done ( for ypur job and child) and stick with it. Make it clear that ypu are unable to cater to ypur SIL this visit.



+1.

OP, one thing that's not clear is why she is coming at this particular time. Does she just announce when she is visiting, or did your DH extend an invitation? If he invited her against your wishes, you do have a marital problem that needs to be worked out between the two of you. not that you are right and he is wrong, or vice versa, but there needs to be better communication and compromise.

If she invited herself and DH is okay with it, then I agree with the above poster. Be courteous while she's in your house, but tell him that it's not your job to prep for and manage the visit.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 13:16     Subject: Out of towners......ugh.
Anonymous wrote:Your husband wants her to stay, so she stays. And your husband wants her to stay, so he does all the required hosting.


Hire a live-in maid for the duration of her visit and give him the bill. Problem solved.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 12:59     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I bet SIL has a side of the story that would be worth hearing. In any event, I hope my son doesn't marry a woman like you, who "doesn't like home visits."


Can tell from this comment what a dream of a MIL you'd be.


That's the point--it doesn't matter what kind of MIL I would be--I could be the best MIL in the world, but it wouldn't matter because OP doesn't like home visits from anyone.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 11:29     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
I don't think I've ever seen anyone in my family stay at a hotel when visiting relatives. It would be so wierd. I have stayed with relatives I have never met when visiting a new city for an interview. My mom has hosted children of old friends who are visiting DC (children she has never met).
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 10:35     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
Anonymous wrote:I bet SIL has a side of the story that would be worth hearing. In any event, I hope my son doesn't marry a woman like you, who "doesn't like home visits."


Can tell from this comment what a dream of a MIL you'd be.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 10:16     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
I bet SIL has a side of the story that would be worth hearing. In any event, I hope my son doesn't marry a woman like you, who "doesn't like home visits."
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 09:20     Subject: Out of towners......ugh.
Anonymous wrote:My SIL is the queen bee of everyone in her life, i. e. senior position at work, micromanages her adult children, etc. My DH is her much younger brother and she sees him as her oldest child (he's 42....). She and my BIL visit periodically as DH and I have two DC's under 3. No matter what is happening in our professional and personal lives, SIL assumes they are staying at our house. She used to assume we'd do airport drop-off/pick ups and give them one of our cars to use, but that got nixed once the first DC was born. There is absolutely no financial reason they can't stay in a hotel. SIL stays with us to be "family like the old days" when she and DH were growing up. This is ironic since she and I have never gotten along and while I am not blameless overall, I've absolutely been the adult for the last 5 years and tried to make inroads with her to no effect. Also, my BIL is great and we get along really well, which I'm sure displeases her.

SIL knows that I don't like home visits but does not care. This upcoming visit will be particularly difficult for us due to professional and DC related issues and I begged DH please, just this once, make them get s hotel. DH flatly refused, stating that SIL would make the visit a nightmare for him and the rest of us. That she would take it as a personal insult. My mind was blown.

Now now, I know there are a variety of opinions here as far as house guests and expectations, but I can't understand the burning desire to be somewhere under circumstances which are very tough on the host. My own family does hotels and rental cars every time, no issue whatsoever. Do I just let this one go for DH's sake? Either way, she's coming and I can't stop her....,,


OP, it is your home also. I would not set a precedent for you having to leave your own home because SIL is visiting. That will only make things worse, much worse. Your SIL sounds very bossy and not a good house guest. Your real problem is with your DH, who refuses to see your side. There are simply times in life when you cannot accommodate a guest. This sounds like one of them. Try not to make it personal and stick to the "it wont work right now" approach. Maybe some other time, like ... (never)
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2015 08:14     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
What's wrong with staying in a Hotel vs. a house.

Probably get a nicer bed and bathroom its quiet.
You can visit with your family then leave and come back the next day
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2015 12:29     Subject: Out of towners......ugh.
Your husband wants her to stay, so she stays. And your husband wants her to stay, so he does all the required hosting.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2015 11:44     Subject: Re:Out of towners......ugh.
I get how you feel, but it is ypur DH's house too. But, given that he is the one to want her to stay, can he deal with all the crap...he should be cleaning the house, the sheets, buying groceries, making meals etc. make him a list if you feel like he does not know what to do. Make a schedule of what needs to be done ( for ypur job and child) and stick with it. Make it clear that ypu are unable to cater to ypur SIL this visit.

Anonymous
Post 09/11/2015 07:56     Subject: Out of towners......ugh.
Did I miss how many days/nights the visit is for?

Sandwhich night

DH takes them to a restaurant while you babysit night

pizza night

Take home Boston Market chicken and potatoes night

If it's more than that, leave the kids with DH because you have to go on a "business trip".
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2015 19:00     Subject: Out of towners......ugh.
First of all, how many days is the visit? Does your DH expect you to handle the cleaning/cooking/entertaining burden? If not, insist that he help figure out meals, groceries etc. I would not run off to a hotel--sister in law will have a field day with that. Handle your outside obligations and order a pizza for dinner. Retire to your room as early as possible and read a book.