Anonymous wrote:At my kid's preschool, one of the other students forgot her lunch. The mom didn't notice, so she didn't bring it in. No cafeteria. The school made her sit there with no food during lunch, watching all the other kids eat, claiming the natural consequences thing. I could not believe they didn't call the mom to ask about the lunch and let this 4 year old skip the meal.

OP, there is a cafeteria at my children's school, so they would just eat the school lunch that day. I would not bring in a library book, homework assignment, or backpack. But lunch? I'd bring that the first time they forgot if there was no backup. I forget things all the time and have a car to turn myself around to retrieve it. They don't have that option, so I'm willing to help them out from time to time.

Uh, the MOM is the one who forgot to send a lunch with the 4 year old. Nice of the school to blame that on the child though.

A 14 year old kid would be a different story entirely.

Anonymous wrote:Read 'the gift of failure' by Lahey

What about a kid that faces failure every day in multiple aspects of how life. Sure a perfect kid, you might be giving the give of a failure, but a kid that has the cards Stacks against him, not so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask my kid to pick up the slack when I make mistakes, like forgetting things, all the time. And he does it without complaint. So, I do the same for him. If I had a way to get the lunch to him, or put money in his account, then I would. While "don't forget your lunch" is a nice thing for kids to learn, "families take care of each other" is more important to me.

Love this. Great mom.

Ditto... We are both ADHD, he has my back, I have his back.

Anonymous wrote:At my kid's preschool, one of the other students forgot her lunch. The mom didn't notice, so she didn't bring it in. No cafeteria. The school made her sit there with no food during lunch, watching all the other kids eat, claiming the natural consequences thing. I could not believe they didn't call the mom to ask about the lunch and let this 4 year old skip the meal.

OP, there is a cafeteria at my children's school, so they would just eat the school lunch that day. I would not bring in a library book, homework assignment, or backpack. But lunch? I'd bring that the first time they forgot if there was no backup. I forget things all the time and have a car to turn myself around to retrieve it. They don't have that option, so I'm willing to help them out from time to time.

I can't believe they just let the kid sit there and watch in preschool.

Anyway, the call the mom comment kind of hit home because I notice the schools have the kids call mom, not dad when they forget things. I get the pitiful, mom I forget x,long pause on the phone. I have an hour and a half round trip from my job to their school and back. There are times I have to say, sorry, I can't leave work, if I don't have 90 minute block free on my schedule. If I can swing it, I've given them one time per school year where I will go drop off a forgotten instrument or lunch but after that they are own their own. Though they get annoyed that I ask, I will usually do a verbal ask if they have everything before the car pulls out the driveway.

Both the public school and the parochial school my kids have attended have a lunch that is provided to kids that forget lunch. Of course my kids won't eat the default lunch but I maintain, that is a choice. Usually either their sibling will share some of the lunch or their friends share. So I know they will figure something out.

At my kid's preschool, one of the other students forgot her lunch. The mom didn't notice, so she didn't bring it in. No cafeteria. The school made her sit there with no food during lunch, watching all the other kids eat, claiming the natural consequences thing. I could not believe they didn't call the mom to ask about the lunch and let this 4 year old skip the meal.

OP, there is a cafeteria at my children's school, so they would just eat the school lunch that day. I would not bring in a library book, homework assignment, or backpack. But lunch? I'd bring that the first time they forgot if there was no backup. I forget things all the time and have a car to turn myself around to retrieve it. They don't have that option, so I'm willing to help them out from time to time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going hungry for one meal will not hurt your children, and may teach them not to forget their lunch again.

I don't get comments like this. Have you never forgotten anything, even though you "know better"? People forget. Kids forget. It happens. It's one thing if the kid left his lunch everyday, but he leaves it one time and now needs to be taught a lesson? Ridiculous.

OP, if I had e time, I would drop it off; otherwise, I try to ensure the kids have money in their lunch accounts or have cash in them.

And kids remember this stuff, too. I rarely forgot things but felt horrible when I did, and I still remember the one time in high school where I left a big assignment at home, called my dad in a panic, and he left work mid-morning to go fetch it out of the printer tray and bring it to school. I knew I'd massively inconvenienced him and felt embarrassed and highly incentivized to never do such a thing again, but it meant a lot that he was willing to bail me out.

It can't become a habitual thing, but I don't see the need to teach my kids that no other human will ever pick up any slack for them or help them out, because that simply isn't true.

Two different things. Huge assignment, left at home? I'd bring it, too. Big consequences if I don't. But a lunch? Maybe for a younger child, or if it hasn't happened much before. But if it has, let the kid learn the lesson to be more responsible while the consequences are minimal. Being a good parent doesn't always mean bailing out your kid. It's knowing when, and when not, to.

Anonymous wrote:Read 'the gift of failure' by Lahey

I will. But what do you think the author would say about this situation?

Read 'the gift of failure' by Lahey

Our parochial school does not have a cafeteria service so buying is not an option. I would bring it if possible but I know the other kids share their lunches if friends forget. No one has starved yet!

Send the maid to the school

Eat the treat and leave the rest.

I think it's fine to wait until high school to let them learn this lesson. Little kids forget things all the time and I don't see any reason to punish them for it. I'd drop it off, just like the others.

Anonymous wrote:

NP here. I get that, but it's shocking at our school. I've dropped my DD off late several times because she has doctor's appointment, and the counter in the office is lined with stuff kids have forgotten and the parents have dropped off. Lunches, books, instruments, homework, etc.

I think you are easily shocked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going hungry for one meal will not hurt your children, and may teach them not to forget their lunch again.

I don't get comments like this. Have you never forgotten anything, even though you "know better"? People forget. Kids forget. It happens. It's one thing if the kid left his lunch everyday, but he leaves it one time and now needs to be taught a lesson? Ridiculous.

OP, if I had e time, I would drop it off; otherwise, I try to ensure the kids have money in their lunch accounts or have cash in them.

And kids remember this stuff, too. I rarely forgot things but felt horrible when I did, and I still remember the one time in high school where I left a big assignment at home, called my dad in a panic, and he left work mid-morning to go fetch it out of the printer tray and bring it to school. I knew I'd massively inconvenienced him and felt embarrassed and highly incentivized to never do such a thing again, but it meant a lot that he was willing to bail me out.

It can't become a habitual thing, but I don't see the need to teach my kids that no other human will ever pick up any slack for them or help them out, because that simply isn't true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never dream of driving to school to drop off a lunch. I don't get schools allowing for this kind of parent behavior - unless something is an emergency. I know it happens ALL the time.

But does it happen all the time for a particular kid? If my kid kept forgetting something, I would not keep picking up his slack, but I don't make him suffer just to prove a point. And I wouldn't be late for a meeting at work to drop something off at school, but if I can help out and it's a rare lapse, I help. As the PP noted, that's what families do. (Mine let me into the house when I forget my keys.)

NP here. I get that, but it's shocking at our school. I've dropped my DD off late several times because she has doctor's appointment, and the counter in the office is lined with stuff kids have forgotten and the parents have dropped off. Lunches, books, instruments, homework, etc. The office administrator then has to call each classroom and get someone to come and get the stuff. Much of it would be good fodder for learning natural consequences (especially in elementary school when the world won't come to a screeching halt if you forget your homework or instrument).