Anonymous
Post 09/04/2015 10:55     Subject: Re:HS Freshman - No motivation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I am taking credit for having motivated kids? Where did you get that from? I had to sit with them to make them do their work. They have got into a habit of doing work now, because they know that the consequences are not great for not doing their work. If they could get away with being slackers even now, they would. We all would.

OP can either sit with her kid and have some standards for her or keep lamenting about lack of motivation. Her choice.

And considering your low reading comprehension and your low class potty-mouth - OP should be careful taking advice from you. Because your path leads to making french fries in McDonalds.


LMAO. I'm quite sure I make a lot more money that you . . .


Actually, the goal is to help kids build intrinsic motivation so that they want to do these things for their own reasons. While it's fine to get the ball rolling by structuring some consequences in the beginning, I promise you this won't work after a while. The kids who fall flat on their faces in college often turn out to have parents who sat with them, structured their work, and basically propped them up all throughout high school. When they hit college they are burnt out and have never learned what it is to do something for its own reward. No gold stars or no mom or dad taking away privileges? They cannot deal.

I agree with this 100%. I have worked with a lot of kids from a math and science school in the Midwest, and have found that you cannot build motivation simply by using repetition or forcing them to do their work. Motivation comes from within. Plenty of these students excelled academically (because they had to in order to stay in the school), but college was a different story altogether. All the students learned the skills they needed to succeed, but not all actually used those skills outside of school. The one commen thread? Those who found their passion we the ones who were successful.

OP, it sounds like your daughter might be a bit depressed or simply hasn't figured out what excites her yet. Are there opportunities for you to do some things together that would allow you a chance to talk? My daughter and I sometimes go on walks, during which she feels comfortable chatting about some of the tougher subjects.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2015 23:01     Subject: HS Freshman - No motivation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 3.0 student is at a top 20 college.


name the college.


Probably Wake Forest. They overlook mediocrity if the applicant is sufficiently racist.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2015 15:47     Subject: HS Freshman - No motivation
Anonymous wrote:Op, Sounds like you don't want to be bothered to get involved, but would rather criticize and think poorly of your daughter.

I don't think your daughter has a problem.

But if I thought mine had a problem, I'd take her to the Activities Office to see what's available. I'm assuming this is a new school. Fall athletics are starting now. Clubs soon.

What good does it do to whine about it on a message board?


Wow - we all must look mighty small to you from your high horse. I am extremely involved as is my husband. I never said she had a problem but was not motivated. I was not whining but soliciting advice from others who have had possibly encountered the same situation.

But thanks anyway.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2015 15:13     Subject: HS Freshman - No motivation
Op, Sounds like you don't want to be bothered to get involved, but would rather criticize and think poorly of your daughter.

I don't think your daughter has a problem.

But if I thought mine had a problem, I'd take her to the Activities Office to see what's available. I'm assuming this is a new school. Fall athletics are starting now. Clubs soon.

What good does it do to whine about it on a message board?
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2015 14:53     Subject: HS Freshman - No motivation
She needs to find something to fill her time. Maybe sports are it. I'd lay out a rule that she has to spend time every month either at a school club/activity, volunteering outside school or working a part time job. The option of "do nothing" after school is gone.

When I was a teen, I always did better when I had busy schedule. Not an overloaded schedule, but a full one.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2015 09:15     Subject: Re:HS Freshman - No motivation
Anonymous wrote: For the "average" student, that being the 3.0 student... I think 3.5 is above average, AP classes are a waste of time.

Go talk to the counselor at school and make a plan so that your child can take community college classes her last year of school. There is a program in Montgomery County that is part of the public school system.


Your child will go to her local public part of the day then to Montgomery college part of the day, she will graduate from HS with 4 college classes under her belt instead of the stress of AP classes and the stress of those awful tests.


Have her do this! AP classes are sooooo stressful and the tests are extremely hard. I had a friend in high school who started going to the local community college his sophomore year in the afternoons. By the time he graduated high school he had earned his associates degree. He was able to get his bachelors in another two years. I hated my AP classes, the amount of homework for AP calculus especially was ridiculous. My senior year of high school was pure hell because I took AP Calculus and AP Physics. That was the only time in my life that I was seriously depressed and thought some scary thoughts.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2015 08:57     Subject: Re:HS Freshman - No motivation
For the "average" student, that being the 3.0 student... I think 3.5 is above average, AP classes are a waste of time.

Go talk to the counselor at school and make a plan so that your child can take community college classes her last year of school. There is a program in Montgomery County that is part of the public school system.


Your child will go to her local public part of the day then to Montgomery college part of the day, she will graduate from HS with 4 college classes under her belt instead of the stress of AP classes and the stress of those awful tests.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2015 06:36     Subject: HS Freshman - No motivation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let her fail. That way, she will figure it out now.


Fail? She's getting reasonable grades, and seems to cause no harm except to her mom's pride. The kid is fine.


3.5 is failure and we wonder why anxiety and suicide in college a rampant.



Yup. There are some people on this thread who should not be allowed near children. (And certainly not near my kid, because they would think he was a loser and it would show).
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2015 23:08     Subject: Re:HS Freshman - No motivation
Just take her phone and stuff they instantly work after that.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2015 22:00     Subject: HS Freshman - No motivation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let her fail. That way, she will figure it out now.


Fail? She's getting reasonable grades, and seems to cause no harm except to her mom's pride. The kid is fine.


3.5 is failure and we wonder why anxiety and suicide in college a rampant.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2015 21:57     Subject: HS Freshman - No motivation
Anonymous wrote:Let her fail. That way, she will figure it out now.


Fail? She's getting reasonable grades, and seems to cause no harm except to her mom's pride. The kid is fine.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2015 21:01     Subject: Re:HS Freshman - No motivation
Anonymous wrote:

OP - I do agree that overall it is important for your daughter not to just have too much open time so give her some options. I would second the idea of volunteering, and since you mentioned CCD classes, how about suggesting she do something with the CCD program at your church either on Sunday or if classes are during the week? Also, besides extra-curricular at school, you might bring into view the idea of volunteering perhaps at the library, seeing if she is interested in trying something entirely new with no pressure "t perform" such as private instrument lesson, art lessons etc. Another path is the idea of learning CPR/Basic First Aide and getting the word out she is able to sit - starting out as she is comfortable at least once on a weekend. If you worry about her fitness and time management, would membership - perhaps a family one in a gym be of interest.

If all else fails in offerings, then with a smile say, why great then you will definitely have the time to learn to cook and prepare dinner one or two nights a week for you and DH. She can also learn to take on tasks such as her laundry, cleaning her room etc. The important thing is not too push too hard, but give her a range of choices and tell her yes in your home it is not acceptable for a teen to just "veg out" all the time.


Would you be willing to explain why not? I don't really find that unacceptable, and in our home as long as schoolwork and essential family obligations such as needed chores are done I'm fine with the kids using their free time in this manner or pretty much any way they choose. However, I know most families feel the same way you do, and I'm wondering about that point of view, why it's important to families who believe it, and what I may be missing. I never felt comfortable asking IRL in case it sounded like judging or attacking parenting choices, which isn't at all what I meant to do, but I am genuinely curious if you wouldn't mind sharing.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2015 20:37     Subject: HS Freshman - No motivation
Let her fail. That way, she will figure it out now.