Anonymous
Post 09/23/2015 08:08     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know this isn't about me and my feelings....BUT. My cousin, who lives on the west coast was engaged to a great girl. Her parents threw an engagement party in Ohio last weekend which we declined to attend and then they were supposed to have a big wedding in California next year. They decided to get married on the spur of the moment and wound up getting married at the party - with only a few family members in tow. They now say they'll just have a nice party in California at some point. But I am bummed! It's just not the same to have a party, and I am not sure how much of the extended family would actually come out for it. And then the question becomes, do I fly my family of 6 out to California just for a party? It just doesn't feel the same. WWYD?


Assuming they have the party, I'd treat it like a family reunion and go anyway. But yea, the whole thing sounds weird. How spontaneous can it have been? They'd have needed a license and a minister. I'd be a little miffed myself, to be honest. I could see feeling left out because you might have gone if you had known it was really the wedding. Why do you think they did it? Is there some family weirdness they're avoiding?


That was my first thought too, but apparently the bride's uncle is a justice of the peace so they planned it like the day of. I think I am also a little miffed because yes, I would have schelped to OH if I had known. Most of her family was in attendance, but very few from our side.


I'm sorry that you are disappointed, but he didn't owe you or the rest of the family a big wedding. Get over it. Go to the party in California if it fits your schedule and budget and if you want to go, or skip it if you don't feel like it.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2015 21:09     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
It's not about you.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2015 21:01     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
How dare they get married without your permission.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2015 19:14     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
Weddings are not fun for everybody. The logistics and planning can seem overwhelming. It sounds as though these folks just decided to let go of the stress and just get it done.

If that is what they want and that has made them happy - that is great. Big wedding, small wedding - a happy union is what is important.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2015 18:37     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
It was moderately unkind of them to not have a wedding on schedule, given that weddings are as much for the people attending (especially the parents of the bride) as they are for the bride and groom. But, with that said, if they have done nothing else wrong or given additional slights, it would be best for OP to just let it go.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:59     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
Anonymous wrote:Didn't the Facebook guy do this?


And Jennifer Aniston.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:59     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
DH's family lives in another country. We had a city hall wedding and then did a reception here, and one where DH's family is. Everyone treated the reception as the wedding - as in, people flew in from wherever to attend. I assume those are the same people that would have attended the wedding. I suppose it's different though because no one was invited to the city hall wedding so there probably weren't any hard feelings on that end.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:57     Subject: Re:Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
Anonymous wrote:
His dad and 3 siblings were not there


This is a bit odd, but maybe there are difficulties in the family, divorce/or emotional distance?


Nope. This is a super tight family. But they all live in CA and the engagement party was in OH (and one sibling is 8 months pregnant) so they declined to come to the party.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:54     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
We did what the OP describes. It was amazing and we got to start our married life that much earlier. I can't believe how much the tradition of a wedding means to some people. I have never felt the ceremony itself was a big deal.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:53     Subject: Re:Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
His dad and 3 siblings were not there


This is a bit odd, but maybe there are difficulties in the family, divorce/or emotional distance?
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:49     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
Anonymous wrote:Had this been a plan of the bride & groom's - to do it at the engagement party. And just a surprise for all who came? Or did they really do this spontaneously, like decide right then (which I have a hard time believing) And, of course, they may not reveal the truth even if asked.


Sometimes they tell people they will have a reception later just to placate the non-attendees. Don't be surprised if they just skip that, too.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:48     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
Anonymous wrote:Had this been a plan of the bride & groom's - to do it at the engagement party. And just a surprise for all who came? Or did they really do this spontaneously, like decide right then (which I have a hard time believing) And, of course, they may not reveal the truth even if asked.


They decided a few days before and told only the uncle who married them. His dad and 3 siblings were not there. I do think they kept it a secret.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:47     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
Had this been a plan of the bride & groom's - to do it at the engagement party. And just a surprise for all who came? Or did they really do this spontaneously, like decide right then (which I have a hard time believing) And, of course, they may not reveal the truth even if asked.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:44     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
Didn't the Facebook guy do this?
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2015 17:43     Subject: Cousin got spontaneously married at engagement party... and I am weirdly dissapointed.
Anonymous wrote:It's not like everyone had bought nonrefundable tickets.

Now it's left to you - do what you want. They don't "owe" you anything. They don't owe you what you had expected. My brother came down with pneumonia and missed my wedding. I wish it had been different. Things happen.


I know, and agree. I'm just licking my wounds, is all. I'm not furious or anything - just surprised that I am bummed not to have gotten the chance to be there.