Why on earth would they be offended by your staying in a different hotel?? Hopefully there is one nearby...

I had a wedding in my home country, which meant that it was a destination wedding for my US friends. I had a list of cheap to expensive hotels, all near my wedding location.
I was exceedingly grateful to the people who managed to come!

No need to stew over this. Just be matter of fact: "We can't afford this hotel for that many nights but really want to come. So we are booking into the motel across the street and can't wait to join you!" If they respond with disgust, you'll know to cancel the trip.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look up an AirBnb that you can rent out for your family that's close enough. If they get offended, just be honest - this was in your budget, the wedding hotel was not.

This. I also don't understand the need to be vague and say "this works for our family" or coming up with any other kind of excuse. Its family, be honest but be nice. Don't say something like "it must be nice to not have to worry about money", just say that the wedding hotel was out of budget for you guys but you wanted to come and enjoy the event so you found something close by in budget. Why is this something shameful that needs to be explained away?!

I know! If you're a close as you say you are, the relative will understand that your desire to be there far exceeds your ability to pay, therefore you make alternate arrangements. I've been to several destination weddings and at every one there were guests who were staying at cheaper accommodations and people who didn't come due to cost.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't attend the wedding. Problem solved!

For some families, this would set off WWIII and it just isn't worth the problems it will cause.

Doormat mentality.

+1
Who needs to remain close to this family?

Are you one of those that thinks that doing ANYTHING at all that maybe you wouldn't choose to do or don't feel like doing for family or friends makes you a doormat? Guess what? Some people value their relationships as much as they value themselves- like everything in life balance is key. You don't have to be a doormat to have relationship obligations. You do have to be pretty damn self centered to never even consider them, IMHO

It's better to learn how to say "No" to things you can't afford than to worry about being self centered!

We skipped out on a wedding in May for this very reason. It was a destination wedding also and the hotel was $500 a night. Instead we just sent a nice wedding gift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't attend the wedding. Problem solved!

For some families, this would set off WWIII and it just isn't worth the problems it will cause.

Doormat mentality.

+1
Who needs to remain close to this family?

Are you one of those that thinks that doing ANYTHING at all that maybe you wouldn't choose to do or don't feel like doing for family or friends makes you a doormat? Guess what? Some people value their relationships as much as they value themselves- like everything in life balance is key. You don't have to be a doormat to have relationship obligations. You do have to be pretty damn self centered to never even consider them, IMHO

Anonymous wrote:Look up an AirBnb that you can rent out for your family that's close enough. If they get offended, just be honest - this was in your budget, the wedding hotel was not.

This. I also don't understand the need to be vague and say "this works for our family" or coming up with any other kind of excuse. Its family, be honest but be nice. Don't say something like "it must be nice to not have to worry about money", just say that the wedding hotel was out of budget for you guys but you wanted to come and enjoy the event so you found something close by in budget. Why is this something shameful that needs to be explained away?!

I don't understand why people aren't up front about not being able to afford attending a wedding. There's nothing to be ashamed of, you just tell them 'I'm sorry but staying at the [Chateau Chic] isn't in our budget. Or, 'We're looking forward to coming but will need to stay elsewhere'. Your decisions should be based on your financial well being and stability.

It is 100% acceptable to stay somewhere else. I wouldn't think you'd need to be there for 3-4 nights though. 2 seems like enough (rehearsal dinner and wedding). Find something that fits your budget. "This was what worked best for our family" and if you get push back "well it was a choice between finding something that worked for our family or not coming and we really wanted to be here to celebrate".

Anonymous wrote:My son got married in Aruba. He sent pictures.

Do you mean that you didn't go to your son's wedding?

Anonymous wrote:Also, if your kids are in the wedding, then have them go and you skip it.

Now THIS is brilliant.

My son got married in Aruba. He sent pictures.

Skip the wedding and send a very nice wedding present instead.

Anonymous wrote:Don't attend the wedding. Problem solved!

Agree. It's a destination wedding, I wouldn't go if it broke my bank.
Send them a nice gift instead.

Sorry, I meant I was shocked that THEY were surprised at DH's reaction. They immediately got their back up.

OP again. Our bride will be wonderful, I am sure. She is always lovely and gracious and I wouldn't be surprised if she suggested some alternate accommodations.

I was really just shocked at the assumption and at DH's original surprise at the price of the hotel. PP was right; we would feel left out if we didn't stay there, but that's a choice they are making, not us. We aren't the only ones. We've thought about maybe getting a suite and staying with some other family members, but I can only imagine what a suite will go for.

On the flip side, I do think that the family will probably offer to pay for our kids' wedding attire. They should definitely think again if they expect us to shell out hundreds of $$ in flower girl dresses and mini-tuxedos. DH will not let that happen.