Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read that female infidelity is much more likely to result in divorce than male infidelity. I am sure there are a number of reasons for this, some economic. But I also suspect this is something men can't get over. Will be interested to see the replies,to your question OP.

It is pretty interesting. If I had to offer a theory, it's that most women make a very, very big deal about how sex is sacred, how it's so intimate, and how they could never imagine having sex with someone who they aren't absolutely in love with (and yes, I know this is largely horseshit).

Meanwhile, guys pretty much admit they'd fuck a pie if it was warm.

So when women cheat, men usually figure it's about more than just sex.

OP here - As I wrote in my previous post, simplistic of views of men and women like these are how you get screwed over in real life. You should be paying attention to the real attitudes that the flesh and blood woman you are with holds about sex, not projecting some nonsense you learned in grade school.

I come off as sweet, prim, and proper. Skirts, dresses, and used to go to Sunday School. But I also happen to not ascribe any real importance to sex beyond scratching an itch. I am about as emotionally attached to any given conquest as I was to the burger I ate last night. Men go selectively deaf when I am frank about my beliefs or think that it is cute I am trying to shock them. In reality, I am being frank about what I really think. When I act on my beliefs, they then want to cry foul.

I suspect that women like me are more common than people realize. There is this ridiculous social pressure on women to express puritanical views of sex that we may not hold.

OP, I so agree with you.

I actually think many women are like this. I think that's why many men are so horrified about the prospect of Tinder and "women becoming sluts"- because they realize that women are not naturally super romantic or attached to the people we sleep with.

Apparently that's why the male sexual organ has evolved to look like it does. I wont get graphic cause this is not the explicit section, but women used to have sex with many different men between a short span of time. And the shape of the male sexual organ was influenced by this fact. Those who are interested can google that and see what I am dancing around...

Not to mention, studies have shown that women get bored with sexual monogamy faster than men. Which can explain why so many men are still excited and interested in sleeping with their wives after 20 years and a women often start getting bored after 2. Women prefer sexual variety more than men.

I am in my mid 20s and most of my friends dont get emotional about sex. I think many men thinks thats posturing, or trying to "fit in with the guys", but that's really the case.

You are seeing that fact of female sexuality show up more in popular culture, like in Amy Schumer's comedy. But we have a long way to go to accepting that female sexuality can be just as, and actually recent evidence suggests that it's MORE, voracious for novelty than male sexuality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read that female infidelity is much more likely to result in divorce than male infidelity. I am sure there are a number of reasons for this, some economic. But I also suspect this is something men can't get over. Will be interested to see the replies,to your question OP.

It is pretty interesting. If I had to offer a theory, it's that most women make a very, very big deal about how sex is sacred, how it's so intimate, and how they could never imagine having sex with someone who they aren't absolutely in love with (and yes, I know this is largely horseshit).

Meanwhile, guys pretty much admit they'd fuck a pie if it was warm.

So when women cheat, men usually figure it's about more than just sex.

OP here - As I wrote in my previous post, simplistic of views of men and women like these are how you get screwed over in real life. You should be paying attention to the real attitudes that the flesh and blood woman you are with holds about sex, not projecting some nonsense you learned in grade school.

I come off as sweet, prim, and proper. Skirts, dresses, and used to go to Sunday School. But I also happen to not ascribe any real importance to sex beyond scratching an itch. I am about as emotionally attached to any given conquest as I was to the burger I ate last night. Men go selectively deaf when I am frank about my beliefs or think that it is cute I am trying to shock them. In reality, I am being frank about what I really think. When I act on my beliefs, they then want to cry foul.

I suspect that women like me are more common than people realize. There is this ridiculous social pressure on women to express puritanical views of sex that we may not hold.

I completely and totallly agree with you!!!

Even though I've never cheated on this DH, I have cheated before this relationship. Sometimes it was with men I really hoped/wanted a real relationship with... but many times it was just a hot available man, the right situation, and the ability to create more "right situations" and keep it going. There was even one guy who was so good looking and so good in bed, but I could barely have a conversation with him. I never thought I was capable of dating someone just for the sex, but there I was, doing exactly that.

If society wasn't as patriarchal and sexist and oppressive to women expressing their full sexuality as it is, there would be a LOT more issues with female cheating. And if only more women felt comfy calling their men's bluff on the "it's common and it's human" thing by saying "Ok, as long as I can do it too, we're good". We have really good friends where the DH was about to cheat but he knew his wife was too smart and would catch him, so he asked permission. She said onlly if she could too. They both did, then his "friend" ended it but his wife was having a good time with her friend and he flipped the f out. Told her he was devastated and it needed to end and she had to cut off all contact. Really? It was his stupid frickin idea that he cheat and now he can't handle the flipside. They are no longer married.

Anonymous wrote:I have had 4 affairs (not proud of it, just being honest since we are anonymous). Yet I love my wife, just the physical side of our marriage had collapsed when the kids came along. All four female APs wanted far more than casual sex. They all had deep wounds in their marriages. 2 divorced, the other 2 will soon.

So I am totally understanding of affairs, and I would forgive my DW yet I have the admittedly sexist views that women generally cheat because of something deeply wrong with a relationship, whereas men cheat for sex. So if DW cheated, I would assume we had some very deep issues to resolve.

Thank you for being honest. What would you say if your wife cheated and then told you no, it's not about deep issues, the guy was just hot and we had great chemistry. You know, probably much like the women you cheated with. Then what would you say? Would you really be ok with her cheating if she assured you it wasn't because of deeper issues with you?

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of posts by men in the Ashley Madison threads acting blasé about male cheating and suggesting it should be acceptable or expected. Do you feel the same way about being cheated on?

I had a boyfriend who used to talk a good game about monogamy being unnatural. As it turns out, I have a roving eye. So, I cheated on him with a craig's list hook up and he found out when I accidentally left unsent a steamy e-mail I wrote the other guy. I had gone to bed before my boyfriend came home and was actually woken up by his cry of agony. He literally cried out loud as if he had been stabbed in the belly or something. I was very surprised by his histrionics and tears, and felt bad. I kept seeing the craig's list hook up and left my boyfriend for him. My ex reacted very badly and became obsessed with me. All these years later, I am still incredulous at how devastated he was by my cheating. I would like to understand the male psyche better.

Would you be understanding if you found your wife's name on the Ashley Madison list? Do you feel that female cheating is somehow more wrong or surprising?

It's a good question, but you're fooling yourself if you think most men who answer will be able to be realistic. For those who say they'd be fine with it or would stay in relationship no matter what, I call major BS for the most part. The only men who are credible are those who actually had a spouse or committed partner cheat on them, and really were mellow about it. I wish the men here saying it's not a big deal and it's human, I wish their wives could see their posts and say Ok, does that mean I get a pass if I want to cheat? Cuz it sure sounds like you expect a pass...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the lock and key thing. Penis - as the OP said - is cheap.
A key that fits every lock is a great key. A lock that fits every key is a horrible lock.

OP is like a lock that fits any key.

OP here - Save your slut shaming for someone who cares. Your wife or girlfriend might very well have fit plenty of "keys" and you would never know it. Think about that next time you go down on her.

Save your gloating about how easy it is for you to get laid. If it makes you happy, then cool. Enjoy your privilege in that regard, but understand that it's not a notable achievement.

Short answer, if she cheats it is unforgiveable and we will get divorced, the end.

(And no I would not cheat either)

Yes if a woman "cheats"...it's more about the woman seeking something the SO is not giving her. She deserves happiness and its not the same as when a male does it.

Women don't cheat...only men.

Anonymous wrote:It's the lock and key thing. Penis - as the OP said - is cheap.
A key that fits every lock is a great key. A lock that fits every key is a horrible lock.

OP is like a lock that fits any key.

OP here - Save your slut shaming for someone who cares. Your wife or girlfriend might very well have fit plenty of "keys" and you would never know it. Think about that next time you go down on her.

It's the lock and key thing. Penis - as the OP said - is cheap.
A key that fits every lock is a great key. A lock that fits every key is a horrible lock.

OP is like a lock that fits any key.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are territorial: Hands off MY woman. I may not really want her all that much, but no one else can have her!

Men may consider themselves as open and available to that fantasy woman right around the corner, but when you tell them you think it's only fair that you also would like to date, albeit without sneaking around and lying, they simply won't have it. Been there. Called his damn bluff.

Also, women have it wayyyyy easier in finding casual sex. So if men are gonna play the "open relationship" game, they're gonna lose. Every time.

OP here - many of my exes found this out the hard way. If I am in the mood to cheat, all I need to do is smile at a cute guy in the elevator and give him that "you should get off at my floor" look. I don't even have to dress nicely. Penis is cheap and ubiquitous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read that female infidelity is much more likely to result in divorce than male infidelity. I am sure there are a number of reasons for this, some economic. But I also suspect this is something men can't get over. Will be interested to see the replies,to your question OP.

It is pretty interesting. If I had to offer a theory, it's that most women make a very, very big deal about how sex is sacred, how it's so intimate, and how they could never imagine having sex with someone who they aren't absolutely in love with (and yes, I know this is largely horseshit).

Meanwhile, guys pretty much admit they'd fuck a pie if it was warm.

So when women cheat, men usually figure it's about more than just sex.

OP here - As I wrote in my previous post, simplistic of views of men and women like these are how you get screwed over in real life. You should be paying attention to the real attitudes that the flesh and blood woman you are with holds about sex, not projecting some nonsense you learned in grade school.

I come off as sweet, prim, and proper. Skirts, dresses, and used to go to Sunday School. But I also happen to not ascribe any real importance to sex beyond scratching an itch. I am about as emotionally attached to any given conquest as I was to the burger I ate last night. Men go selectively deaf when I am frank about my beliefs or think that it is cute I am trying to shock them. In reality, I am being frank about what I really think. When I act on my beliefs, they then want to cry foul.

I suspect that women like me are more common than people realize. There is this ridiculous social pressure on women to express puritanical views of sex that we may not hold.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The penis goes into the vagina, meaning a man gives sex to someone else whereas a woman choses to allow someone in.

That's the basic mental and physical psychology as to why female cheating is worse than male cheating.

I find both despicable.

Strangely I agree with this post. There is something very primal about the "difference", but either way betrayal of someone you entered into a convenant with is, well, yeah, despicable.

The post is bizarre and you both have some deep-seated Madonna issues or something similar if you believe this.

OP here.

I agree with you. Not to mention that one could easily view sex as the female engulfing the male, in which case sex is something that a female does to a male. There is nothing objective about the male-centric perspective of sex that PPs are adopting.

Ironically, this kind of Madonna/Whore, woman-as-subordinate view of sex is what bit my ex in the ass. He was so caught up in notions of women as having lower sex drives and men being the hunters of passive women that he ascribed little value to the fact that I readily agreed with him whenever he said that people are not naturally monogamous. He should have been listening with his ears, not his preconceived notions. These silly, simplistic "men are like this, women are like that" rules get you blindsided by reality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The penis goes into the vagina, meaning a man gives sex to someone else whereas a woman choses to allow someone in.

That's the basic mental and physical psychology as to why female cheating is worse than male cheating.

I find both despicable.

Strangely I agree with this post. There is something very primal about the "difference", but either way betrayal of someone you entered into a convenant with is, well, yeah, despicable.

The post is bizarre and you both have some deep-seated Madonna issues or something similar if you believe this.

Anonymous wrote:The penis goes into the vagina, meaning a man gives sex to someone else whereas a woman choses to allow someone in.

That's the basic mental and physical psychology as to why female cheating is worse than male cheating.

I find both despicable.

Strangely I agree with this post. There is something very primal about the "difference", but either way betrayal of someone you entered into a convenant with is, well, yeah, despicable.