Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you for all of the excellent suggestions. I even already own the Kazdin book, just need to work to put it into practice.

Find a behavioral therapist who can put a plan into action at home.

+1

It can be hard to change habits and behavior -- yours as well as his. So why not make it easy on yourself and get a little short-term help?

Therapists can be quite helpful for more than just true crises or DSM-type mental health issues. Some provide great value with short-term behavioral issues like you describe. (Which sounds completely age-appropriate to me, though obviously not at all acceptable.)

I'm guessing you can use Google or Kazdin's website to find a local therapist who can help support you through this for a few months until it becomes the "new normal" in your house.

Good luck!!

For my very similar son punishment does not work well. When he consistently misbehaves privileges are gone (TV, tablet, sweets,...) until he earns them again. Sometimes we do it in a very structured way (earning points/stars still works), sometimes he simply earns them back when we feel he has behaved great for a week or two. Because earning privileges is a reward this works much better. The punishment circle can go very wrong with these kids.

I totally understand how you dislike the family dynamic that his behavior is creating. It can be hard. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read the Kazdin Method, OP.

Agree, and I would urge you to focus especially on the part about working to create positive interactions with your son. Your dislike of your child comes through in your post. Kids want attention, and if they can't figure out how to get positive attention, they'll take negative. You need to break this cycle. Kazdin's approach is terrific.

I thought the same thing. Please stop comparing him to your older son. He's just a different person and the things you find maddening about him now you may find to be positives as an adult. Comparing him negatively to his brother may have an impact on their relationship as well.

I know you are frustrated with him but do you reward or praise the things he does well or right? Praise can go a long way with kids and adults. If you are constantly battling with him over his behavior, he may have no incentive to change because it doesn't seem like he does anything right.

Perhaps start out by saying that you appreciate something he did and occasionally giving a small treat or reward for good behavior.