Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 11:37     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:Uh, regardless of what his rage stemmed from, he put his wife and child (and lots of strangers) in mortal danger. Doesn't matter if he comes home from work pissed off and slaps her around, right? He's just mad at his boss... OF COURSE SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE. At the very least a separation while he gets into therapy and finds a way to control his temper.


How fast was everyone going? How close did his car come to others? How much more danger were they actually in? Was her perception of danger an accurate one?

You don't know. Neither do I. So your assertion of MORTAL DANGER would be like me saying there was never any danger at all.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 11:35     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:

Bottom line is she doesn't feel safe with him. Why do people have such a hard time trusting women to make their own decisions? My DH has driven aggressively before but I never felt that it was his attempt to scare me or my kids. OP knows what she saw and felt. No one is saying he should go to jail, but why should she stay with her husband if she doesn't feel safe with him? A lot has to happen to feel unsafe. She wants help dealing with a situation where she fears for the safety of her and her child, not to be told that her fears are unfounded because "omg road rage happens to everyone".


Because I've had my wife overreact to my driving when, while it was certainly an expression of anger that she would have rathered I not feel or express, was not remotely dangerous. I have no way of knowing whether she honestly felt scared or, instead, was pretending to be scared because she wanted to express disapproval and control my behavior but knew that saying "I don't want you to feel or express anger" would not have been well taken.

You could say that "a woman would never, ever express being scared unless she was legitimately and rationally scared," but that would be a false statement.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 11:34     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Uh, regardless of what his rage stemmed from, he put his wife and child (and lots of strangers) in mortal danger. Doesn't matter if he comes home from work pissed off and slaps her around, right? He's just mad at his boss... OF COURSE SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE. At the very least a separation while he gets into therapy and finds a way to control his temper.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 11:34     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
OP. rent a post office box, about $50 for six months, and have your check sent there. You can figure out your own quarterly taxes. Open another bank account that he does not know about. Consult an attorney.

Unfortunately, you do have a witness--your child.

You do NOT deserve to be treated like this.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 11:15     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Without the descriptions of the other incidents, it's kind of hard to judge here. Maybe he's just embarrassed about his road rage incident? Have you actually talked to him about it?

This board is always so rah rah pro divorce. Meh.


Road rage is a reaction to the road, to traffic.

OP's DH's rage was directed at OP's comment about the DH's driving. This is not road rage. Combined with the dangerous driving, it is a much larger problem than road rage.


Jump to conclusions. If DH was mad about traffic, then DW needled him about how he was driving, then he started driving more aggressively, it could absolutely be road rage.


Exactly. I'm the first quoted PP. I just don't think there's enough detail to jump to the "YES GET OUT!!" conclusion. I mean, what was he screaming? Was it mean spirited stuff, or was it along the lines of "ENOUGH STOP IT" - very different.


Bottom line is she doesn't feel safe with him. Why do people have such a hard time trusting women to make their own decisions? My DH has driven aggressively before but I never felt that it was his attempt to scare me or my kids. OP knows what she saw and felt. No one is saying he should go to jail, but why should she stay with her husband if she doesn't feel safe with him? A lot has to happen to feel unsafe. She wants help dealing with a situation where she fears for the safety of her and her child, not to be told that her fears are unfounded because "omg road rage happens to everyone".


Yes, she wants help dealing with the situation. Divorce is only one of the options. The question above was if she had *gasp* actually talked to him about it. Does he know that aggressive driving scares her? What is it with DCUM and secretly squirreling away money to divorce as a first option?


Just read the 150+ pages of the Kane thread on the Entertainment boards, you will find your answer there.

Seriously, you have to think ahead when a relationship is in trouble. You have to protect yourself.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 11:05     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Without the descriptions of the other incidents, it's kind of hard to judge here. Maybe he's just embarrassed about his road rage incident? Have you actually talked to him about it?

This board is always so rah rah pro divorce. Meh.


Road rage is a reaction to the road, to traffic.

OP's DH's rage was directed at OP's comment about the DH's driving. This is not road rage. Combined with the dangerous driving, it is a much larger problem than road rage.


Jump to conclusions. If DH was mad about traffic, then DW needled him about how he was driving, then he started driving more aggressively, it could absolutely be road rage.


Exactly. I'm the first quoted PP. I just don't think there's enough detail to jump to the "YES GET OUT!!" conclusion. I mean, what was he screaming? Was it mean spirited stuff, or was it along the lines of "ENOUGH STOP IT" - very different.


Bottom line is she doesn't feel safe with him. Why do people have such a hard time trusting women to make their own decisions? My DH has driven aggressively before but I never felt that it was his attempt to scare me or my kids. OP knows what she saw and felt. No one is saying he should go to jail, but why should she stay with her husband if she doesn't feel safe with him? A lot has to happen to feel unsafe. She wants help dealing with a situation where she fears for the safety of her and her child, not to be told that her fears are unfounded because "omg road rage happens to everyone".


Yes, she wants help dealing with the situation. Divorce is only one of the options. The question above was if she had *gasp* actually talked to him about it. Does he know that aggressive driving scares her? What is it with DCUM and secretly squirreling away money to divorce as a first option?
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 10:56     Subject: Re:"Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - 20:12 is not me. But she asks a valid question and I can only imagine she is going through something similar and needs your advice too. I work, but I am freelance these last few months and my checks come in the mail. DH is "helpfully" doing the quarterly estimated tax payments for me, so demands I fork over most of each check because "the government takes half" and he also needs me to pay something toward the house on top of that. Yeah. I have my own bank account that he can't access, but there's only a few hundred dollars in it.

Thank you for all the help. I know this is serious. He is trying to act like nothing happened, and it sickens me to say this, but I am acting the same way to provide cover so I can talk to an attorney. On that note, your recommendations for a divorce attorney practicing in montgomery who can navigate abuse situations is welcome.


OP I am concerned about you and many have offered some sound advice and support. I do have to ask however about your husband...has he ever sought treatment? Also, aside from this anger issue, which I know is a big obstacle, how is he as a husband and father.

One thing further...control issues...regardless of gender...often has it's roots in the feeling of not being in control of self.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 09:42     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Without the descriptions of the other incidents, it's kind of hard to judge here. Maybe he's just embarrassed about his road rage incident? Have you actually talked to him about it?

This board is always so rah rah pro divorce. Meh.


Road rage is a reaction to the road, to traffic.

OP's DH's rage was directed at OP's comment about the DH's driving. This is not road rage. Combined with the dangerous driving, it is a much larger problem than road rage.


Jump to conclusions. If DH was mad about traffic, then DW needled him about how he was driving, then he started driving more aggressively, it could absolutely be road rage.


Exactly. I'm the first quoted PP. I just don't think there's enough detail to jump to the "YES GET OUT!!" conclusion. I mean, what was he screaming? Was it mean spirited stuff, or was it along the lines of "ENOUGH STOP IT" - very different.


Bottom line is she doesn't feel safe with him. Why do people have such a hard time trusting women to make their own decisions? My DH has driven aggressively before but I never felt that it was his attempt to scare me or my kids. OP knows what she saw and felt. No one is saying he should go to jail, but why should she stay with her husband if she doesn't feel safe with him? A lot has to happen to feel unsafe. She wants help dealing with a situation where she fears for the safety of her and her child, not to be told that her fears are unfounded because "omg road rage happens to everyone".
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 09:25     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Without the descriptions of the other incidents, it's kind of hard to judge here. Maybe he's just embarrassed about his road rage incident? Have you actually talked to him about it?

This board is always so rah rah pro divorce. Meh.


Road rage is a reaction to the road, to traffic.

OP's DH's rage was directed at OP's comment about the DH's driving. This is not road rage. Combined with the dangerous driving, it is a much larger problem than road rage.


Jump to conclusions. If DH was mad about traffic, then DW needled him about how he was driving, then he started driving more aggressively, it could absolutely be road rage.


Exactly. I'm the first quoted PP. I just don't think there's enough detail to jump to the "YES GET OUT!!" conclusion. I mean, what was he screaming? Was it mean spirited stuff, or was it along the lines of "ENOUGH STOP IT" - very different.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 08:44     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Without the descriptions of the other incidents, it's kind of hard to judge here. Maybe he's just embarrassed about his road rage incident? Have you actually talked to him about it?

This board is always so rah rah pro divorce. Meh.


Road rage is a reaction to the road, to traffic.

OP's DH's rage was directed at OP's comment about the DH's driving. This is not road rage. Combined with the dangerous driving, it is a much larger problem than road rage.


Jump to conclusions. If DH was mad about traffic, then DW needled him about how he was driving, then he started driving more aggressively, it could absolutely be road rage.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 08:29     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:Without the descriptions of the other incidents, it's kind of hard to judge here. Maybe he's just embarrassed about his road rage incident? Have you actually talked to him about it?

This board is always so rah rah pro divorce. Meh.


Road rage is a reaction to the road, to traffic.

OP's DH's rage was directed at OP's comment about the DH's driving. This is not road rage. Combined with the dangerous driving, it is a much larger problem than road rage.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 08:27     Subject: Re:"Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - 20:12 is not me. But she asks a valid question and I can only imagine she is going through something similar and needs your advice too. I work, but I am freelance these last few months and my checks come in the mail. DH is "helpfully" doing the quarterly estimated tax payments for me, so demands I fork over most of each check because "the government takes half" and he also needs me to pay something toward the house on top of that. Yeah. I have my own bank account that he can't access, but there's only a few hundred dollars in it.

Thank you for all the help. I know this is serious. He is trying to act like nothing happened, and it sickens me to say this, but I am acting the same way to provide cover so I can talk to an attorney. On that note, your recommendations for a divorce attorney practicing in montgomery who can navigate abuse situations is welcome.


OP, I have two recommendations for you:

This book:

http://www.amazon.com/Verbally-Abusive-Relationship-Expanded-Third/dp/1440504636/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1439900716&sr=8-1&keywords=patricia+evans+verbally+abusive+relationship

Lawyer in MoCo: Scott Strickler:

http://www.shulmanrogers.com/attorneys-176.html
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 08:22     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Without the descriptions of the other incidents, it's kind of hard to judge here. Maybe he's just embarrassed about his road rage incident? Have you actually talked to him about it?

This board is always so rah rah pro divorce. Meh.


No. It's rah rah pro not being abused, asshole.


+1
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 08:19     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
Anonymous wrote:They will not laugh at you. Abuse doesn't have to leave a mark. This behavior could kill you next time. He is showing you who he is, believe him. (I know that's a lot of platitudes but they are true)


This.

And get out.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2015 07:50     Subject: "Jekyll and Hyde" DH went over the line - what do I do next?
... is not being an asshole. If he has heard her concerns and hasn't done anything about them, that's one thing. But if she's always let things stew and just can't stand him because he never apologizes out of his own volition, it's just a communication problem.