Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I'm not saying that there isn't a grain of truth to what her kids are saying. Most of our family lives in the Midwest and is more mainstream. My kids adore their aunt because she is fun and indulgent with junk food and toys and I tell her often how well loved she is by my kids. With her family, I have tried to think ahead about what would make them comfortable in terms of diet and style. For example, we bought/served foods that are not our typical fare (red meat, chips, etc.) and have not made a big deal about buying it especially for them (although husband went out and bought new cereal to accommodate kids who think Cheerios, Rice Krispies and Raisin Bran taste like bark) . I have also been more lenient about family rules like bedtimes since it's more of a vacation atmosphere. But, it's clear that our families have different styles. I'm just bummed because I feel like I am trying hard to be a good/accommodating host, but I'm still getting these messages from her.

I like her kids, who are young elementary aged. I don't want to engage with them directly about what they are telling their mom when I'm not around. Honestly, I feel bad that their mom is putting them in an awkward position as well. I think I will follow the PP's advice about trying to redirect the conversation.

My SIL used to say dumb stuff like that to me. You make her feel insecure. She is saying hurtful things to you to make herself feel better. I bet you are MUCH better educated than she is and that your family is MUCH more successful. It's possible that the kids didn't even say that stuff. She is just being a bitch, because she feels so insecure around you.

I'd make a joke about whatever she says. "Hey, we love our tree bark!" or "You're absolutely right. They cut your smile muscles right before you graduate law school. It makes you a more intimidating lawyer."

Keep in touch with those kids. They are going to need college advice and career advice and YOU are the one in a position to give it. They are lucky to have you for an aunt.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, Marcia, you are kind of a tattletale. Laugh hysterically.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SO passive aggressive -- the kids aren't saying this shit, and if they are, she's using it to say things to you she is thinking herself.

Don't stand for it - "Well, tell Larlo he's welcome to bring his own cereal next time!" "Oh - hey Larla, you silly thing - I can smile once in a while! But please know sweetie, it has nothing to do with my education level. My brain is one of the things that makes me happiest! As a woman, I have the right to feel and express whatever I want, I don't always have to prance around, and neither do you - education helped me realize that"

My MIL does this same thing. She gives the baby a voice when she doesn't like what I'm doing. I speak back to the baby about why he's wrong, and always end it with "I guess I'm the mommy, so you'll have to deal with the way I do it!"

Yeah. This isn't going to correct the impression he has that you're an uptight sourpuss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I'm not saying that there isn't a grain of truth to what her kids are saying. Most of our family lives in the Midwest and is more mainstream. My kids adore their aunt because she is fun and indulgent with junk food and toys and I tell her often how well loved she is by my kids. With her family, I have tried to think ahead about what would make them comfortable in terms of diet and style. For example, we bought/served foods that are not our typical fare (red meat, chips, etc.) and have not made a big deal about buying it especially for them (although husband went out and bought new cereal to accommodate kids who think Cheerios, Rice Krispies and Raisin Bran taste like bark) . I have also been more lenient about family rules like bedtimes since it's more of a vacation atmosphere. But, it's clear that our families have different styles. I'm just bummed because I feel like I am trying hard to be a good/accommodating host, but I'm still getting these messages from her.

I like her kids, who are young elementary aged. I don't want to engage with them directly about what they are telling their mom when I'm not around. Honestly, I feel bad that their mom is putting them in an awkward position as well. I think I will follow the PP's advice about trying to redirect the conversation.

You are insufferable and you clearly believe that you are better at parenting then SIL. That attitude comes across in eveything though I know you believe you ar hiding it well.

I promise - kids who eat sugary cereals and red meat are not I cultured, uneducated brats who need to be taught the value of the finer things in life. Just stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SO passive aggressive -- the kids aren't saying this shit, and if they are, she's using it to say things to you she is thinking herself.

Don't stand for it - "Well, tell Larlo he's welcome to bring his own cereal next time!" "Oh - hey Larla, you silly thing - I can smile once in a while! But please know sweetie, it has nothing to do with my education level. My brain is one of the things that makes me happiest! As a woman, I have the right to feel and express whatever I want, I don't always have to prance around, and neither do you - education helped me realize that"

My MIL does this same thing. She gives the baby a voice when she doesn't like what I'm doing. I speak back to the baby about why he's wrong, and always end it with "I guess I'm the mommy, so you'll have to deal with the way I do it!"

Yeah. This isn't going to correct the impression he has that you're an uptight sourpuss.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I'm not saying that there isn't a grain of truth to what her kids are saying. Most of our family lives in the Midwest and is more mainstream. My kids adore their aunt because she is fun and indulgent with junk food and toys and I tell her often how well loved she is by my kids. With her family, I have tried to think ahead about what would make them comfortable in terms of diet and style. For example, we bought/served foods that are not our typical fare (red meat, chips, etc.) and have not made a big deal about buying it especially for them (although husband went out and bought new cereal to accommodate kids who think Cheerios, Rice Krispies and Raisin Bran taste like bark) . I have also been more lenient about family rules like bedtimes since it's more of a vacation atmosphere. But, it's clear that our families have different styles. I'm just bummed because I feel like I am trying hard to be a good/accommodating host, but I'm still getting these messages from her.

I like her kids, who are young elementary aged. I don't want to engage with them directly about what they are telling their mom when I'm not around. Honestly, I feel bad that their mom is putting them in an awkward position as well. I think I will follow the PP's advice about trying to redirect the conversation.

Anonymous wrote:Any chance you're been a bit preachy about your choices? Like the importance of buying all organic or how women must have an education before having kids? Maybe this is her awful way of asking you to be less preachy because she feels judged.

If not, she's being insecure and looking for validation and going about it all wrong. I would ignore or follow 8:42's recommendation.