Sometimes it's not about you.

Well, my DH's ex was our DD's kindergarten teacher. How about that for a little awkward??? Actually, she was really great and I volunteered every week in her class.

I don't have much advice except to say I'm sorry they put you in this situation. I am in the same boat, dhs ex left him after an affair and is married to the man she left him for. To his family she is the one that got away. In the beginning of our relationship, I heard about her on what seemed like a daily basis.

They stopped after DH proposed and they realized it was me who would be having grandbabies not her. Is there anyway in this small town you can find some of their ex's and parade them around? J/k

All you can do is trust yourself that you made the right choice in your husband. Limit the contact with the in-laws. They are being disrespectful to your future but not letting go of the past. I'm sure your husband loves seeing someone who broke his heart too. Sorry again.

Anonymous wrote:OP here,
Thanks for your comments. I'm glad there are a few people who also would feel uncomfortable. And, you're right- I probably do have self-esteem issues to work on.
Talking about it here and reading your comments made me feel better because I know he made the right choice in marrying me and his family believes so too, I'm sure. Those involved ended up with the person that was best for them and I should get over my issues.

Op I think it's normal what you're feeling. I would be uncomfortable too. I would avoid her in the future. There's nothing wrong with taking this approach. How many people have to deal with this stuff in real life? Easy for people to be negative online. I would stay away from advice from dcum. Do whatever makes YOU happy.

OP here,
Thanks for your comments. I'm glad there are a few people who also would feel uncomfortable. And, you're right- I probably do have self-esteem issues to work on.
Talking about it here and reading your comments made me feel better because I know he made the right choice in marrying me and his family believes so too, I'm sure. Those involved ended up with the person that was best for them and I should get over my issues.

The fact that you think he would have picked her because she is "prettier" speaks to the fact that your problem lies in your lack of self-esteem and belief in your marriage. You really think your DH would pick a wife based on "pretty"? That's all you think of your DH? Honey, your issue is not with the ex.
You need to take a look at that. I say that as a wife whose husband has and ex-WIFE.

OP, you should not be intimidated. You were not the one who was dumped by the Ex. If anyone should be intimidated or feel like a loser - it is your DH and his family.

SO, if they can get past it, so can you.

AND - have you considered that the reason that they can get past her and not feel like losers is because you are a far better choice for your DH and his family? Maybe, the reason they can be so magnanimous and continue the friendship is because they feel that you were the best thing since sliced bread.

You are judging yourself by just appearance. But beauty is subjective. People do not find Gwyneth Paltrow beautiful because she is not a very empathic person. Maybe it is the same thing with you. You could be Amy Adams to ex's Gwyneth paltrow. Prettier in many ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow up. Many people divorced with shared kids and are able to attend baby showers, weddings etc together. This idea you can't be in the same room with his exgirlfriend is crazy.

NP here, the family needs to find a new friend. I would undertsnad better if they were married and had a kid, like a connection. There is no connection yet they hang around a woman that used to bang their brother/ son.

No, they don't. They've been friends for 12+ years with someone. Why should they find a new friend? At this point, the 12 years of friendship between the ex and the DH's sister is more important than the long-dead relationship.

Anonymous wrote:Grow up. Many people divorced with shared kids and are able to attend baby showers, weddings etc together. This idea you can't be in the same room with his exgirlfriend is crazy.

NP here, the family needs to find a new friend. I would undertsnad better if they were married and had a kid, like a connection. There is no connection yet they hang around a woman that used to bang their brother/ son.