OP - We've decided to send her to college, and let her fall on her ass if it comes to that. I'm doing everything I can to prevent that, but I don't think keeping her at home will help anything. She's super-smart, got very high grades, test scores, stellar recommendations, etc. in high school, where she functioned pretty well. She's also a varsity athlete.
This is obviously what you and DH are saying in sheer frustration and would not wish on anyone.

a- Given the short window to when she will be on a college campus, I would try to find a psychiatrist or psychologist if appropriate to do a screening for much more common mental health discorders of anxiety and/or depression. One focuses so much time and effort within the structure of the family, academic classes and activities to get to college and then falls apart for whatever reason when one finds the life they have known is gone.

b-It is very good that she has signed the FERPA document so do keep abreast of all the dates of withdrawal, drop or requesting an incomplete - anything that might need to be done to take building pressure off of DD and yourselves??

c- I still would consider the impact DD might have on an unsuspecting roommate so if you choose not to try for a single, if you see she is flaming out in the dorm situation, please try as early as possible to do so for medical reasons No matter how you try to disregard, this incoming student's first semester in college is very likely not to be what she expected at all. I do think you should still try to go for a single for the semester.

d- If your daughter is bright, it will do her no favors to let her fail academically.......

e- You and DH, too, need to see a counselor to get advice on how to deal with the possible tumultuous weeks ahead, especially if there are siblings in the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has never had an official neuropsych evaluation. She's had loads of others. Some of the specialists have suggested she has some aspects of ASD, but she's never been given a diagnosis. The closest we came was a psychologist who said she "might" have a nonverbal learning disability. DD is very smart, so she manages to do well on tests. If someone tells you your kid is "normal" you don't really want to look further!

DD has been doing really, really well until now. That's why I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Never saw this coming, and I fear it will get worse. I've said this to DD, who tells me not to worry, that she will do fine in college. Huh?

I've got to get off the computer and help DD clean up her room. She can't even find the things she needs to pack!

She really needs to have a single. It will avoid roommate conflict, allow her a sanctuary to retreat to at the end of the day, as well as a study space if she decides the library is not conducive. Perhaps you can call the college and see if she can get priority for one.

This recommendation for a single is an extremely good recommendation! I have ADD and thank goodness I knew myself well enough in college to know that I would never succeed in a typical dorm setting. I was in a sorority and played a sport so very social but desperately needed the space to be alone. I never ever stepped foot in the library in college. There is no way I could have studied in that environment. I lived by myself for 1 year of college and then shared an apartment with sorority sisters later. I would do all of my studies in my room. I would get up very early (4 am) and write papers etc while others slept and the house was quiet.

Living with strangers is very very difficult. Add in the additional challenges and the living situation alone is going to be a huge struggle for your child.

Making some little changes before she starts may set her up to be more successful in the long run.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you want to send her to college and let her fail? There are some real negatives to this, beyond the money you will lose. Bad grades will go on her record and pull down her GPA. If she has any of the same professors again, they will remember her flame-out. Her peers will also remember and that will make it even more difficult to make friends if she returns to the college.

If you want to employ some natural consequences and you feel you need to let her have a big failure, why not do so right now? Stop packing for her, and tell her you will NOT be driving her to college and paying her tuition unless she packs and makes the arrangements herself. Then stick to it. If what you've told us is true, she can't possibly succeed, and then you can let the departure day pass and make a new plan.

It sounds to me like she is paralyzed by severe anxiety. I think you need the neuropsych eval.

+1, this isn't something to do natural consequences on when it will really impact the rest of her life and she has some type of disability. If she had no disability, I agree but with a disability she needs support, not failure.

OP, are you sure you want to send her to college and let her fail? There are some real negatives to this, beyond the money you will lose. Bad grades will go on her record and pull down her GPA. If she has any of the same professors again, they will remember her flame-out. Her peers will also remember and that will make it even more difficult to make friends if she returns to the college.

If you want to employ some natural consequences and you feel you need to let her have a big failure, why not do so right now? Stop packing for her, and tell her you will NOT be driving her to college and paying her tuition unless she packs and makes the arrangements herself. Then stick to it. If what you've told us is true, she can't possibly succeed, and then you can let the departure day pass and make a new plan.

It sounds to me like she is paralyzed by severe anxiety. I think you need the neuropsych eval.

Anonymous wrote:DD has never had an official neuropsych evaluation. She's had loads of others. Some of the specialists have suggested she has some aspects of ASD, but she's never been given a diagnosis. The closest we came was a psychologist who said she "might" have a nonverbal learning disability. DD is very smart, so she manages to do well on tests. If someone tells you your kid is "normal" you don't really want to look further!

DD has been doing really, really well until now. That's why I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Never saw this coming, and I fear it will get worse. I've said this to DD, who tells me not to worry, that she will do fine in college. Huh?

I've got to get off the computer and help DD clean up her room. She can't even find the things she needs to pack!

She really needs to have a single. It will avoid roommate conflict, allow her a sanctuary to retreat to at the end of the day, as well as a study space if she decides the library is not conducive. Perhaps you can call the college and see if she can get priority for one.

Honestly, from your description it can just as easily be ADHD. Most of the time if the kid gets good grades, schools and parents don't go looking for a diagnosis and girls with HFA are notoriously difficult to diagnose.

Get a neuropsych eval. Her college may arrange it if she has issues in her classes. Good luck!

What if you just didn't pack for her? What would she do on the day you are supposed to take her to school?

DD has never had an official neuropsych evaluation. She's had loads of others. Some of the specialists have suggested she has some aspects of ASD, but she's never been given a diagnosis. The closest we came was a psychologist who said she "might" have a nonverbal learning disability. DD is very smart, so she manages to do well on tests. If someone tells you your kid is "normal" you don't really want to look further!

DD has been doing really, really well until now. That's why I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Never saw this coming, and I fear it will get worse. I've said this to DD, who tells me not to worry, that she will do fine in college. Huh?

I've got to get off the computer and help DD clean up her room. She can't even find the things she needs to pack!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would recommend calling Dr. David Black at CAAT: http://caatonline.com

I've only worked with him as the parent of a younger child, but he's really fabulous and knows a tremendous amount about kids on the edge of the spectrum. He also leads a social skills group for teens/young adults and so might have ideas of how best to support her and what testing (if any) might be appropriate.

I just looked at the website. Looks great, but does he accept insurance? All those great services and assessments sound like they come with a high price tag.

Yes, no question. It is super, super expensive. He doesn't take insurance, but will give you the necessary paperwork to file for reimbursement. How much you get back depends on the details of your insurance plan.

Dr Black does not take insurance.

The Neuropsych will run $4400. Not sure about Peers, 2-3k?

Anonymous wrote:I would recommend calling Dr. David Black at CAAT: http://caatonline.com

I've only worked with him as the parent of a younger child, but he's really fabulous and knows a tremendous amount about kids on the edge of the spectrum. He also leads a social skills group for teens/young adults and so might have ideas of how best to support her and what testing (if any) might be appropriate.

I just looked at the website. Looks great, but does he accept insurance? All those great services and assessments sound like they come with a high price tag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would recommend calling Dr. David Black at CAAT: http://caatonline.com

I've only worked with him as the parent of a younger child, but he's really fabulous and knows a tremendous amount about kids on the edge of the spectrum. He also leads a social skills group for teens/young adults and so might have ideas of how best to support her and what testing (if any) might be appropriate.

Thank you! I will do so.

And thanks for that terminology "the edge of the spectrum." That's exactly where DD is, only she's sometimes off, sometimes on, with no idea when it's going to happen. Most of the times she's been tested, she's been off the spectrum, so that's why no hard and fast diagnosis. But I live with her and can see that she's really on the spectrum more than she's off. She teeters back and forth on the edge of the spectrum.

What kind of testing? Sounds like she never had a Neuropsych eval.

Get an Neuropsych eval with Dr Black which unfortunately will have a long wait.

If I were you, I would enroll her in the PEERs program in the fall rather than sending her off to college. The peers program and the Neuropsych will give her better tools to cope with college bc it sounds like if you send her now, she'll be back home anyway.

Dr Black runs the PEERs social skills program for teens. Your daughter sounds like a good candidate.

Anonymous wrote:I would recommend calling Dr. David Black at CAAT: http://caatonline.com

I've only worked with him as the parent of a younger child, but he's really fabulous and knows a tremendous amount about kids on the edge of the spectrum. He also leads a social skills group for teens/young adults and so might have ideas of how best to support her and what testing (if any) might be appropriate.

Thank you! I will do so.

And thanks for that terminology "the edge of the spectrum." That's exactly where DD is, only she's sometimes off, sometimes on, with no idea when it's going to happen. Most of the times she's been tested, she's been off the spectrum, so that's why no hard and fast diagnosis. But I live with her and can see that she's really on the spectrum more than she's off. She teeters back and forth on the edge of the spectrum.

16:53 -- to answer your question, DD did just fine in high school. She was very focused, wanted to get into college. She wanted to be like everyone else at her school, and all were busy applying to college. We did have to help her with her applications, but she managed most of her school work on her own with almost no support from us.

It's just now that she's faced with all the freedom college offers, that she's unable to focus. I don't know why. All sorts of fears come to mind: schizophrenia? personality disorder? depression?

Can ASD morph into something else? Or do ASD kids fall apart without the structure and familiarity of high school?

She's socially very awkward, and she told me that she's going to focus on making friends at college. I said fine, but that's not the only point of college. She has AP's, so she will take a reduced load her first semester at least.

What else can I do at this point?