Anonymous wrote:I think it's extremely difficult to remain faithful if you're not in love with nor have respect for your spouse. If you love your spouse and respect him/her it's pretty easy.

Well, sometimes these things go in waves. A dad at a wedding recently politely put it as 'falling back in love with your wife' several times during a long marriage. It's better to not go out catting around with others during those low periods - so that there is a chance of falling in love again and having a good long term marriage. Some things are just not surmountable or forgiveable .

JFK - having a great time with his wife one minute and the next minute chasing down another woman. Big issues.

http://m.startribune.com/jfk-s-last-birthday-gifts-champagne-and-wandering-hands-on-the-presidential-yacht/424997773/

In general his personal life was fraught - and then spied on and used against him.


https://www.google.com/amp/nypost.com/2012/02/05/teen-mistress-addresses-relationship-pols-cold-war-fears-in-memoir/amp/

Anonymous wrote:
My wife refused to have sex with me for three years. She once told me that it must be hard not to have sex. Previously she had an text/online affair with a co worker with whom she exchanged very explicit emails. She never talks dirty to me. kids are 5 and 3. Now we have sex once in two months. Before I got married I had many sex partners, my libido is high. I help around the house, give her emotional support, etc. I talked to her about sex but she threatened to take the kids from me if I cheat. I won't be able to be faithful to her for too long if our situation does not change. She thinks it's my fault that I want to have sex.



That's not really what this thread is about.

Why not - Because it doesn't fit your dogma?? This man presents his real life dilemma and all you can say is GTFO?

I think it's extremely difficult to remain faithful if you're not in love with nor have respect for your spouse. If you love your spouse and respect him/her it's pretty easy.

Anonymous wrote:There is something to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" adage, if only because it seems that once a person cheats, they realize that it's easy and maybe it does not feel like a big deal to them (I think it's a big deal personally).

I also think that there are a lot of people who rely on romantic validation for their self esteem. The ability to attract a mate makes a person feel good. Combine that with a lack of consequences and you've got a serial cheater.

This isn't just men, though. It's everyone.

This!!!

I used to think that I was incapable of being faithful until I met my husband. We've been together almost 8 years, and I've never been tempted to even look at another man. This is totally new to me. He satisfies me in a way that no one else ever has. So, if I am capable of change, and I was a serial cheater, I see no reason why a man cannot do the same.

Do you think there is a correlation between being a cheater and being good in bed?

Anonymous wrote:Some men are incapable of being faithful.

Many men are generally capable of it if they are in a healthy sexual relationship. If the sex has dried up at home, almost all of these men will be unfaithful.

It's like asking whether a gay man can be happy in a straight marriage. Eventually, a healthy libido wins the day.

Some people seem to be incapable of fidelity.

Anonymous wrote:No. Thinking that some men are INCAPABLE of fidelity, is completely infantalizing grown men.

Maybe fidelity isn't a personal value for them. Maybe they don't want or believe in it. And that's fine.

But all men (and all people) are capable of making choices. Being unfaithful is not some kind of involuntary thing some men do.

I disagree with this. Some people are incapable of fidelity. It is well known that people with bipolar can have manic episodes with hypersexuality. An unmedicated person in a hypersexual mania really is unlikely to be able to restrain him/herself.

Also, my DH was raised in a deeply alcoholic family. This taught him that it is normal to have secrets one hides on order to present a good face to loved ones. He learned it's not only normal but essential for survival. Could he have changed this? I suppose so, but it was very unlikely absent long, hard, chronically relapsing efforts to change.

Maybe fidelity wasn't a personal value for him, but then why beg me to stay in the marriage for 2.5 years and pursue me for another 2 after I kicked him out.

Some men are incapable of being faithful.

Many men are generally capable of it if they are in a healthy sexual relationship. If the sex has dried up at home, almost all of these men will be unfaithful.

It's like asking whether a gay man can be happy in a straight marriage. Eventually, a healthy libido wins the day.

I don't know many men who have been faithful, at least the handsome charming men all seem to cheat at some point. I think it would shock women if they knew how often infidelity happens.

I am not sure if I am capable of being faithful. I have never been faithful, not completely. When my wife and I are having a lot of sex, I really don't think of other women that much. The sex dries up, like it always does, and other women become near obsession for me.

Maybe if I married a woman with a high sex drive. No idea where to find those. Every woman has a high drive in the beginning. Wait 3 years.

Anonymous wrote:It seems most of the cheaters had a father who cheated.

I had a father who cheated. Then I had a mother who cheated. Revenge affair, apparently. And now, it turns out, I'm a cheater. So, yeah.

If women had the testosterone and sex drive of an average man, you wouldn't wonder why men are unfaithful. It's like asking why mammals eat. Because they are hungry.

If a man remains mostly faithful, and only cheats once or twice over a long marriage, I think he is good at monogamy. Especially if he has options.

Yes

Anonymous wrote:There is something to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" adage, if only because it seems that once a person cheats, they realize that it's easy and maybe it does not feel like a big deal to them (I think it's a big deal personally).

I also think that there are a lot of people who rely on romantic validation for their self esteem. The ability to attract a mate makes a person feel good. Combine that with a lack of consequences and you've got a serial cheater.

This isn't just men, though. It's everyone.

The fact that someone did cheat without getting caught doesnt mean it isnt a big deal. I do not think that cheating is the worse thing that can happen to a relationship, but when you do cheat you feel crappy about it and its tourmenting you for a long time when you care about your mate. Why do people cheat then? Because something in their relationship is umberable, cheaters are confuse because they love theirs mates and they often cant figure out whats wrong. Or even worse, they know, and there is nothing they can do about it except waiting for theirs mate to do their part or leave. But when you are in love you dont wanna leave, at some point its a way to escape, just as much as alcoholism or drugs.