Reminds me of my first year of college ex-boyfriend. His mom kind of spoiled him with stuff like this, and I came to look down on him for not being able to manage basic adult responsibilities, and for his sense of entitlement that he didn't need to do his own dirty work.

Eventually he was diagnosed with ADHD, but by then we had long broken up.

I know I speak for most women, when there is no greater turnoff than a man who has other people do his laundry for him. It's a major barometer for how to determine if a man is worth exploring a relationship with, or not.

Laundry and how he treats service staff/waiters/waitress/customer service. These two things tell an amazing amount of information about a person.

OP, please let your son figure it out on his own that doing his laundry non-negotiable. Let the social stigma guide him - he'll figure it out eventually.

Anonymous wrote:

OP - Look the easiest answer is for him to follow his role as the man with with brains and brawn and meet an equally smart GF and turn on his charms to have her do his laundry for him which, of course, should be her role in any post college living together or married life.......Tell me it has been your role - right.

No, it hasn't been my role. I work full time. I'm not expected to be a domestic drudge, and I have a brain that I use. Honestly, I wasn't asking whether people thought this was a good idea or not, just for details about how services/the situation worked out. Logistically. My son works very hard at school and is a great kid, and it breaks my heart a little bit to be sending him to college on another continent. This will make me feel a little bit better about it. I don't care if other people think this is a bad idea or not: trust me, my family and I don't fit into whatever stereotypical slot you are imagining, but if you want to continue to think so, fine. Thank you to the few posters who offered practical advice in response to my query.

Anonymous wrote:Mama, you could always visit him every weekend, with your gallon of Tide and laundry basket in hand.

My MIL came close to doing this for DH in college but DH has no trouble doing the laundry (and is much more careful about sorting and treating than I am), and does all the cooking in our house. So it wasn't fatal and certainly didn't lead to him expecting me to take care of all the household chores.

OP, they forget to pick it up. And drop it off.

I think they will be only marginally more successful at this. Be prepared to hear that they lost things.

Anonymous wrote:

Mom - Time to let DS grow up...... Brains are not everything ...... learning to interact with his roommate(s) who may or may not have his personal living code will be just as important as getting up and to class on time, figuring out how to use food services. If the roommate(s) do not complain, then maybe the GG or rommmate's GF who may be in the space will pull no punches. Got cut the apron strings some time. Best thing you can do for him is to bring up these scenarios with him now...... and see if she will learn to separate whites/darks and run like two tupbs of wash every so often. Sheets and towels would also be nice to include every so often.

My brainy kid learned to do his own laundry as a freshman with a few calls home for advice. People will make fun of them later if they don't know these basic tasks. Your kid will be considered spoiled and sheltered.

OP - Look the easiest answer is for him to follow his role as the man with with brains and brawn and meet an equally smart GF and turn on his charms to have her do his laundry for him which, of course, should be her role in any post college living together or married life.......Tell me it has been your role - right.

Anonymous wrote:It is the rest of you, not OP who have issues. I am the PP who mentioned that I had it my first year of college.

Even though I was 18 the first time I did my own laundry I grew up to be a fully functioning adult. And as I mentioned to this day I really like doing laundry.

OP asked an innocent question.

Also many of us here on DCUM outsource our cleaning so I don't see what the big deal is. I was personally against it b/c in my experience the services do a crappy job.

OP's son will not be a damaged adult if he doesn't do his own laundry in college. Geez people.

I think people react more harshly to things like this because people feel like as an adult who works and makes a certain income, there is an element of an earned "right" to outsource. Sort of like, been there, done that, feel fortunate to not HAVE to. When you see teenagers and kids outsourcing stuff, well they don't really know any better. They can easily feel entitled, even nice kids.

its kind of like why people have a hard time with parents buying high school and college aged kids designer bags and expensive cars. That kid can't afford that on their own at 22, but they might expect it.

I think some people react negatively to the coddling/ you deserve to not have to do this sort of message it might send.

Anonymous wrote:When this kid gets married and expects his wife to do everything, she can thank OP.

Yep. I filtered these guys out immediately. Best thing my MIL ever did was raise my DH to do his full 50% of chores.

Anonymous wrote:When this kid gets married and expects his wife to do everything, she can thank OP.

Or the son can pay someone to do it then as well. If he has a full academic scholarship, he just might be able to afford a cleaner for his wife in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your child disabled?

No, he's a slob. (Yes, I tried to teach him to be neat, but his bedroom is a disaster and he wore his swim trunks around the house last weekend because he was too lazy to do his laundry). But he is a good student on a full scholarship, which I am thrilled about, so I'm thinking about doing it for the first year. Plus, I pity his roommate.

Let him work it out with his roommate himself. He'll be 18. Social pressure is the fix for this. And if that doesn't fix it, that's on him. He'll just be the weirdo with dirty clothes. Seriously, do not enable him in this. Huge mistake.

+1

He will motivate eventually. Either he will come to near blows with his roomie or he'll want to get laid and if you are the kid who smells a little off/weird/bad and has the totally gross room, most of the girls high tail it out of there ASAP!

When this kid gets married and expects his wife to do everything, she can thank OP.

Her question was if you knew of a service. If you don't, then move on. We all raise our kids differently. College is a huge transition and maybe she wants to take one thing off his plate for a while. I'm guessing most of the annoyed people have younger kids.

Anonymous wrote:Mama, you could always visit him every weekend, with your gallon of Tide and laundry basket in hand.

No, I can't because I don't do his laundry and haven't done his laundry in 3 years, and because he'll be in college on another continent.

Thanks to the PP who posted the links! The price seems very reasonable, and I'm thinking of deducting it from the money we are going to give him each month.